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A List of Reasons For Being Bullied, Harassed, Abused, Threatened and Personally Injured

by Richard Brayson
(Canada)

It is interesting to know, that people who get bullied or injured in some other way, are usually people that possess one, some or all of the following attributes:

Are often attractive with beautiful features.

Have a good figure. Excellent fashion taste.

Are humorous, loving, funny, warm personalities.

Are noticed. Stand out from a crowd.

Have a positive and loving aura.

Are caring, conscientious and very friendly.

Love life and all it can bring.

Work hard and have so much to offer an employer.

Are great team players and popular with work mates.

Have a beautiful look about them and/or their behaviour.

Are warm hearted and make lots of friends easily.

Are decent, and honest.

Are clean and have morals.

Have the ability to make a positive difference in the world.

Are not corrupt minded and have no bad blood in them whatsoever.

Are looked up at and respected without trying to impress.

Are sensitive, shy, self conscious, and loyal.

Are caring and can communicate with ease.

Are unique and see the world with possibilities.

Are intelligent, analytical, understanding and observant.

Always look good and hardly age.

Are great team players which can make a positive difference in a work place.

Only 1% to 5% percent of people in the world carrying some, most or all of these qualities, so imagine those who don't even have one. Bullies are individuals that lack some or all of above and for revenge lash out at those that have them. Once victims realise what makes them tick they can then understand what makes them also a target. Once victims overcome the hurdles, they can move mountains with their minds, and are the reason behind a good earth. Bullies on the other hand, besides looking for more targets, often can't understand the purpose of their own existence.

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A List of Reasons For Being Bullied, Harassed, Abused, Threatened and Personally Injured

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Feb 05, 2010
 A List
by: Rosalea

Richard, that is absolutely excellent -- the best list on bullying I've seen to date.

I am going to share it with many others.

Thank you for sending it.
Feb 05, 2010
 responding to your words of wisdom
by: Anonymous

Dear Richard,

What a list you put together!!! Congratulations and thank you for making your opinion known. You are right with what you say, but I think it may be more than 5% that carrying some or most of what is in your list. Maybe you meant, if one ticks all the boxes. Anyway, its a great list. People with good qualities can come across threatening in a work place, too, I have seen it happen over and over again. Worst case scenario bullying due to jealousy, envy, and hatred can make victims lose their jobs altogether which is a terrible thing. This list if read, may help many victims. It should become everyone's internet wallpaper! Fantastic and thanks to Anton for putting it out there for all to read.
Feb 06, 2010
 change and acceptance
by: Carol Lombardo

Good List Richard! When I was young and just starting out in work I had seen it all. Harassment comes in many forms. In my days I use to see people get pulled aside for things that could have been avoided altogether or addressed in a more civilized and professional manner without causing discomfort. What people seem to overlook is that history can come back to bite you and thank god for new laws. I had seen dumb people move up corporate ladders and take control of departments without any supervisory or managerial skills whatsoever. I had seen smart, hard working individuals kept in dull boring jobs because they came across too good, or were threatening or different in some other way. I had seen decent people get deliberately humiliated and pushed around and spoken negatively about and abusers crawled to and crowned in glory for fear of being the next victim. There was the emotional abuse for example a young woman, deliberately called up to the front of the department and humiliated in public over her bad breath when she had an infected throat and tooth cavity. Or a male colleague handed antiperspirant because of his under arm odor when he was just stressed and having a bad day. Then there was the labeling over what someone wore or how they talked, walked or what color shoes they had on. And with training it was how fast they picked up the work, if they were dumb or smart as if it was all black and white. So bad was some of it, that today it would easily be filed under the heading emotional abuse. I had seen it all and it?s important that in today?s word everyone knows their rights! We all have the right to work and earn a living in peace regardless of gender, age, nationality and anything else that can be silently used against a decent human being wanting to make a living!

Carol Lombardo
Feb 10, 2010
 Thank you for the list...
by: Sarah

I liked your list Anton, it was very good and extremely encouraging so thank for that. I went down the list trying to pick out if I had any of these good traits. I think I possess at least some.
But also, I do have negative traits as well which I think can also attract bullies.
One of my biggest problems is lack of self-confidence, a nervous disposition for which I have received treatment, and a somewhat shy and quiet demeanour.
I think these not so good characteristics can make any bully in the vicinity want to pick me out from a good distance.
However it is very hard to change these negative traits, but I have at least become a lot more confident in my approach in recent years.
However, some people still seem to want to take advantage it seems, and as a result I still tend to steer clear of social situations.
Best wishes, Sarah.
Feb 11, 2010
 Negative Traits
by: Anton

Actually, I can't take credit for the list Sarah, Richard put it together. (Thanks Richard!)

Shy and quiet aren't necessarily negative traits in my opinion. It's just that the dominant personality type that is loud and outgoing gets to decide what is "normal". So everyone that does not fall into that category is deemed to have a negative personality trait.

But your point is taken, there are traits like low self-confidence, low self-esteem or other vulnerabilities that attract predators. Bullies will also go after those who are financially vulnerable or those going through a crisis like a death in the family or serious health problem.
Feb 13, 2010
 The list
by: Tamara Mowat

I absolutely love the list. I would like to share this list with my councilor.
Feb 14, 2010
 The List...
by: Sarah

MMmmmm, I would like to put this list up in the window of my local supermarket, on the bus stops, up in the library, in the doctor's surgery, the community centre, and of course, the local church, etc.
After all, bullies can operate in any place no matter where.
Oh, and I would like to put it in my local newspaper as well, but I wonder if that might just be a step too far.
Feb 15, 2010
by: Maria Penello

Good List Richard!!! Thanks. I would like to add my comments to Carol Lombards response.
Carol, I also like what you wrote, and I would like to add to it, by saying bullies go to any lengnth to destroy the reputation of decent, honest and hard working individuals. I am of Italian background and I live in Australia. Racism has always been around, and now in my fifties I can understand why. Different nationalities can come across also different towards other people. It has to do with their beliefs, their upbrining, their respect and duty to serve others, even their morals, can be an issue. I too had seen it all! If you had the misfortune of being disliked, hated or envied by the people in charge of you, you could run the risk of having a corrupt personal file! If you were naive and didnt understand or take an interest in the law and your rights, people could make life very hard for you. It was even worse, if you were shy and couldnt communicate what was troubling you. So bad could things get, that even finding other work later could become a problem. These days, one needs to be very careful and have a good understanding of their rights, because they have them. Everyone has rights.
Feb 18, 2010
 Knowing Is Not Enough
by: InvisibleRefugee

Victims can KNOW the reasons behind what bullies do - they may KNOW the reasons from a very early age on. It doesn't help. It means either becoming the kind of person that they aren't and don't want to be in order to fit in, (which is not an option as far as I'm concerned), or staying a victim for life. (Not much of an option, either.) Unless there is some LEGAL protection or place to go for accountability and therefore self-empowerment/self-defense, this is the reality. Until there is some kind of PUBLIC awareness and acknowledgment, even that much will never happen. Why is that? I have been victimized this way ALL MY LIFE and am constantly told I am "attracting it" and that "obviously" I am "the one that needs to change". My claims of innocence are further used against me all over again by those who I once trusted as friends that decide to join the bullies, because "it's always everyone else, it's never YOU!" and, "Why is EVERYBODY doing this to YOU?" Meaning, if you are ALWAYS the target/victim, then OBVIOUSLY YOU have a PROBLEM. Yeah, I have a problem, because "everybody" is GIVING it to me. Half my life is now over and I have spent the majority of it homeless, have never had the privilege of knowing what it's like to be a part of a community, and never had/now never will have a family. How's that for human rights? Not even acknowledged, that's what. It seems that the whole human race hates what is innocent. "Only children are innocent" they say. So if by virtue of becoming the age of adult I am inherently guilty regardless of my attitudes and actions, then what do I have to look forward to? And they wonder why so many teens are depressed. Because they AREN'T STUPID and THEY'RE NOT BLIND, THAT'S WHY! And so the world continues to glorify and empower bullies. I am a walking miracle -- any other normal person would have committed suicide A LONG TIME AGO.
Feb 19, 2010
 Invisible Refugee
by: Anonymous

Dear Invisible refugee,

The fact you are still here today, means that someone somewhere believes you need to live in this world and never give up! You will be surprised how many people and old ones have been bullied and or injured. I was a victim of neglect and bullying from a young age. My mother was mentally sick and my father suffered severe depression. My grandmother came into a country and was quickly placed in a straight jacket. I grew up among unstable people all my life. I saw my father get beaten, humiliated and bashed to the point he couldn't remember what day it was. He died a young man and before that he had spent ten years in a shed. He might as well have committed a crime, yet he committed himself. He grew his hair and beard and didn't want to know anyone. He collapsed one day in front of me, and I was told to get water and place it on his forehead. Bullies aren't just young people. I have seen a group of thugs who went around calling themselves a mafia, carrying knives and entering homes like they owned them. My life changed at forty eight years old. I finally went to school got a lawyers degree and today, ten years later, I am in my first job. My first job!!! I married late and my wife was in her late forties when she gave birth to twins. I understand how hard life is and how depressing people can become especially when you come from a broken down family, but you still need to think positive, regardless how bloody hard it is. Every human being wants to be acknowledged and bullies sometimes don't understand that. If I can overcome all these odds and change my life around the way I did, you have a chance to be someone fantastic, and you wont need to wait as long as I did. These days help is everywhere. You look after yourself because you have a future, and so does everyone else that has experienced suffering in their past. Never give up, because something good always comes out of something bad, even if it takes a long time to get there.
Feb 19, 2010
 Thank you for the list....
by: Sarah

I would just like to say, belatedly, it was you, Richard, who put the list together, and thanks for that. It is really excellent.
Feb 20, 2010
 The List
by: Richard Brayson

Dear Sarah,

Since you found the list so helpful I will be puting another one together. My next list will be how people in the workforce can protect themselves and not lose their jobs. Thank you for your interest and kind support and also to Anton for placing it on his website.

All the best...
Mar 05, 2010
 ...another list
by: Anonymous

Copied from bullyonline.org

3) Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible

Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:

popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully)
competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully)
intelligence and intellect
honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable
a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise
you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same
successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude
a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness
imaginative, creative, innovative
idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world
ability to master new skills
ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture
sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc)
slow to anger
helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
giving and selfless
difficulty saying no
diligent, industrious
tolerant
strong sense of honour
irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it
an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc)
low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action)
a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action)
a desire to always think well of others
being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise
being unwilling to lower standards
a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon
high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power
a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
low assertiveness
a need to feel valued
quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
perfectionism
higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt
a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable
high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it
Mar 08, 2010
 To Anonymous
by: Invisible Refugee

Wow...
I want to thank you for sharing with me. This is so important! Oh my, this is awesome! Your life sounds a little much like mine... the problem is that I'm not young anymore. Half my life is over. I'll be 40 in a few months... but what you shared about your wife's age & she still had children lifted me! (Somewhat...) I believe I have had endometriosis (since age 13?) because a good portion of the victimization I have experienced in my life has stemmed from the physical problem of having debilitating cramps every month. People who don't have it can't imagine how it interferes with everything in a person's life. (This is only one problem in the list of many) I also have a few other chronic health problems (ALL PHYSICAL), and one of the other ones has made it nearly impossible for me to find/have a partner/spouse (A PHYSICAL disease)... it's a long story, a sick & twisted one... I hear that endomitriosis can be reversed with scraping, but I wouldn't trust anyone in the medical field within an inch of anything in my life after the atrocious things I have experienced by them over the years... its a long, twisted story...
Anyway - thank you so much for in a sense being there. It means ALOT to me, even if I don't personally know you in my every day life. It's like we know each other on a level that counts! You brightened my day and my life.

Peace & Blessings to you
Mar 08, 2010
 P.S. To Anonymous
by: Invisible Refugee

...I had to come back & add to that last thing I posted, to make sure that what I am expressing is clear. When I mentioned a "physical illness" affecting the reproductive/intimate portion of my life I meant PHYSICAL -- not some half-baked, not proven crackpot THEORIES about "chemicals in the brain" being "imbalanced", which is the modern-day INQUISITION & the most atrocious form of victimization. Just so people know, because victimizing people for physical ailments like stomach ulcers, endomitriosis, viral infections, back problems, etc happens & CAN happen thanks to psychiatric slander being loose in the way people think (and dismiss others) these days...
Also, what you said about it's not just kids/youth that bully, it's adults, too - I know this all too well! That's part of my whole story... did'nt I mention that the bullying never seems to end? It's that very thing that had me convinced by the time I was 33 that nothing will ever change for me. That's because of the most atrocious case of mobbing I had ever experienced yet, which happened to me on the job in 2004. It's like I can never prove myself enough, never be successful enough to have anything positive in my life acknowledged by others. Top it off, it's just nuts that when you try to point out unjust situations in order to find practical solutions (or give an account of a situation) it seems that everybody around you says you are negative, when you are really positive in that you are positively looking for positive solutions & it's the ones "negative-ing" you that are being the negativity! Ya know?

Thanks again
Mar 08, 2010
 To Invisible Refugee...
by: Sarah

I have read your posts and I find I can identify with so many of the things you have said.
I have become almost a social phobic owing to my experiences in social situations, both at work and in the community.
It is true that the bullying never seems to stop, and as a result I have come to the conclusion that the safest place for me to be is behind my own front door.
This may sound awful to some, but it really doesn't do me any good to go out, since everytime I try I end up getting 'burned' by at least one person intent on wanting to 'take advantage.' But it is very often more than one, unfortunately.
No one has ever stuck up for me or stood by me in these situations. How can one person take on a bully all by themselves, especially if their confidence has been zapped by previous experiences?
If you can't trust other people to stand by you, it is very hard to stand up to a bully and tell them to stop. I also have a fear of violence. I don't know if that is because I saw my mother getting beaten up by my father when I was small.
In my view, the worst perpetrators are the bystanders, but then I think to myself, 'Would I have done any better if I had been a bystander watching someone else be targeted and abused?'
It can be very hard to do anything, and people often won't speak up usually out of fear, and bullies know this. It can take a 'Goliath' to home in on a bully and tell them where to go.
I am glad you have been able to re-build your life despite your previous experiences as a younger person. It takes guts and you certainly have plenty of that.
Unfortunately for me, I hate confrontation and therefore find it hard to muster up the courage to fight back.
Mar 18, 2010
 to Sarah
by: Invisible Refugee

PART 1 - Hi Sarah. Thanks for sharing & relating. We should stick together with this kind of communication wherever possible in this world. It's the silencing that makes them win.
When I was growing up I lived in a different place just about every year. I went to 5 different high schools in 3 different states. It took until I was in my mid-twenties before I could realize, looking back, that much of the bullying I went through was SOLELY because of always being the new person, as well as being a cultural misfit in just about every setting. By the time I entered High School I was an extremely introverted & socially phobic person, just like you feel that you are. My sophomore year in High School I got fed up with being this, and I decided to conquer that fear, knowing that I would never be able to survive in this world unless I did, since the age of majority was closing in on me. Independence was only 3 years away, & knowing I would have no assistance from anyone once I hit age 18 was a sort of life-or-death pressure hanging over me. So I focused all my energy on social dynamics. I focused on watching people, practiced certain traits I observed in those who appeared to be best equipped socially, and KNOWINGLY made an ass out of myself most of the time, because I knew I didn't know (YET) what I was doing, but I figured that through plowing forward I would eventually get there. And I did. I moved into my own apartment, finished High School on my own, and even took extra classes, working full time at night in a busy restaurant. I became active in the activist community. I graduated & got a job working for an architect. Then one day a strange man showed up in my yard and started stalking me. I had never seen him before. He was a homeless crackhead that did some roofing work for my (then) landlord. What he did to my life has devastated it to THIS DAY -- I am almost 40 now and every person I once knew - family included - still pretend I had something to do with him & did something to ask for the ensuing violence... I have lived my whole life oppressed by other people's belief that because my parents were a mess, that means that everything they did is what I am doing, even though that's nothing but lies. I have never been listened to, only lied about. I presently have a story so long and twisted that no one will EVER believe me. So no, even though I overcame the social phobia (FOREVER!) and have no problem making friends (despite having been backstabbed by just about every person I have ever known!) I have never had the opportunity to build my life. My life has NEVER been "built" -- how can I "re-build" something that has never been built?
Mar 18, 2010
 to Sarah
by: Invisible Refugee

PART 2 - You can overcome social phobia. Even though it seems that it doesn't pay off, it will at least take some of the oppression off of you to achieve that, or at least to know that you CAN! When you get there, you will know that though it absolutely DOES matter what people say about you, it's THEIR loss (as well as yours) to throw your life away, and you can't change the world. There is no point in being angry, though we will still have our days struggling with these emotions, because they are there and real and justified. But I think it helps knowing that you did everything you could to make things work & if that goes unrecognized then the environment is not worthy of you -- pack up and travel until you find a group of folks who appreciate you! No point wasting time in a field of work or a neighborhood in which everyone around you are busybodies! (They SUCK!)
Best wishes to you from somebody that knows.

Peace
Mar 20, 2010
 A List Of Truth
by: Simon Blackman

This story, got many responses and in reading it I can see why. I think one thing that needs to be remembered is that the list applies to men and women. I have worked for fifteen years come August 2010 and its not just the women that other women get jealous of, even men can express hatred towards other men and or women for various reasons. Yes, its the qualities that stand out, and until one takes a good look at themselves that they realise they may have a gift others dont have. I like to think that one word which could have been added to the list, is the word GIFTED!!! People who are fortunate to be gifted in some way, also run the risk of being bullied and it can be man, woman, or child...
Mar 21, 2010
 Re; Invisible Refugee and Simon..
by: Sarah,,,,,

Thank you for sharing your story. I did not have an ideal childhood myself, although I suspect mine is likely to be different.
My father used to beat up on my mother. They would have terrible rows, many times in front of me, often when he came home drunk as well.
I grew up with a fear of getting into violent or confrontational situations. I have also suffered from nervous disorder for much of my life.
As a kid I started truanting due to bullying, and I had to change schools. It wasn't long before the bullying started at the new school, but I figured that since it wouldn't be long before I left, I decided to stick it out, and once I went to work then everything would be alright - or so I thought.
I had a naive misconception that adults were different from kids. How wrong I turned out to be.
Unfortunately, I started to be targeted by bullies at work, and so I began to change jobs, never managing to build a career for myself or be able to remain for long in any one place.
Then it began in my local community, primarily at the supermarket, which I visited often. As not much goes on where I live the local grocery store seems to be the hub of the community in many ways, since people actually congregate there to chat, and to do banking now, as well as to buy groceries and other provisions.
I suspect there is something vulnerable about me that makes me a target.
Firstly I am quiet, and might come across as nervous or introverted to some people.
Secondly, I am not the sort of person who likes getting into fights.
Thirdly, growing up as an only child, I may not have learned the social cues that many people seem to pick up naturally as they go along. If there is a 'game' that we have to play in order to get along in social situations, I have no idea what the rules are or how to play it.
My long term partner is fine about all this, but he has a problem believing me when I tell him.
So, like you, I have switched around a few times, from school to school as a kid, from home to home when I lived solo, and from job to job.
But no way was I going to be hounded out of my local grocery store by ignorant middle-aged women.
There are one or two people there who still try to avoid me or act arkwardly when I am around, but the two ringleaders both seem to have cut back their hours of work since I complained about them.
Coincidence? I have no idea. But hey, I am still shopping there and will always continue to do so for as long as I have to live in this area.
That's one small victory for me.
And to Simon's message - those who are talented or clever can also be targeted, probably out of jealousy and/or resentment I would imagine.
Apr 01, 2010
 to Sarah and Simon
by: Invisible Refugee

Sarah - I too had the naive misconception that adults were different, or "better" than children about these things. And I also was an only child. Not having brothers or sisters to stick up for you or to turn to for assistance later in life is a huge disadvantage as well. I see how so many other people have always had this to take for granted and they never have to stress about being homeless (and consequently persecuted for being homeless - even if temporary - you might as well be on the world-wide public criminal/mentalcase bulletin-board for ever having been there at all!)
All the way up until adulthood I was more interested in learning new things & being creative than playing stupid social hierarchy games (which also require too much dishonesty and head games and bullying - wherever you go - not my cup of tea!)... WOW did I ever end up being the one paying a terrible price in the long run. I can do ANYTHING - paint masterpieces (and anybody's portrait), play any musical instrument, build an electric generator out of an old lawnmower, teach you how to navigate on land using the stars, mathematics, and your hand as a measuring compass - knit, weave baskets from tree limbs, tan hides, make stone tools, knap flint, fish & hunt, tell you about animal husbandry (alot of this was also hands-on in all my traveling around), show you how to survive in any wilderness setting, how to make paper & ropes from plant fibers, (how to make JUST ABOUT ANYTHING out of junk/nature/nothing!!!)... I can tell you about the detailed history of hundreds of cultures world-wide, about chemical processes and how things are made/break down... etc. etc... and I'm the one who never gets to go to college, have a family, home or legal rights of any kind. (Lesson taken many times - never call the police for anything if you don't own property they will only be turning crimes onto you & it's too easy to be falsely accused & ruined when you are NOBODY!)

Simon - You are so right about what you said about men being targeted too. In no way did I mean to imply that this kind of thing only happens to women.

It's awesome to see people speaking up!
Apr 01, 2010
 to Sarah again...
by: Invisible Refugee

Oh yeah, & congratulations on the supermarket victory! Your description of the town you live in matches my experiences in a rural mountain town I spent over a decade in. The first half of my time there was very successful and productive. Then, long story short, persecution robbed me of everything - even my good reputation I had built - and essentially drove me out of town "on a rail", so to speak. (Lol, but not funny.) I later pieced many things that had happened together, and a lot of it had to do with the church that I made the mistake of joining -- the women were afraid of me (the one with no family! Duhhh!)because they were thinking thier husbands were interested in me!!! (I also happen to be model-beautiful & have always REFUSED to flaunt, display or otherwise be pushed into selling that in ANY way!)

AND I TOTALLY RELATE to what you said about your partner not BELIEVING YOU!!! This is just ONE MORE difficulty ON TOP of the PILE of things that make ever having a "normal" life (or just a marriage/REAL-ationship)from happening!

... though we can console ourselves in this tidbit of wisdom I have gained through these travels & experiences... if you really get inside of the lives of the people who are living these "normal" lives, you find almost without exception that it's all a facade, an illusion! Miserable people! -- imagine how miserable they are when even after having been made homeless & not having a pot to pee in they were STILL doing whatever they could to harrass me & make life impossible!... I guess we have to live like saints & martrys looking to the afterlife unless we acquiesce & give in to the decrepit lack of values that most of them represent. Oh, how trite, when I am living right here & right now in a world I don't want to waste!!!
Apr 02, 2010
 To Invisible Refugee...
by: Sarah..

Judging by your posts so far, I seem to make out a highly intelligent, sensitive (and did you say 'good looking')? person.
It is, therefore, quite possible that you have attracted some jealousy and resentment from others along the way.
A also read in an article the other week that highly intelligent people don't necessarily always manage to get to the top in the career stakes. In fact, some of them are actually stuck in 'menial' occupations far below their level of intellectual ability.
This is, according to the author, because societies (or governments) do not necessarily regard high intelligence as the primary value. Instead they tend to encourage those things that are more likely to generate monetary gains, such as pop stardom and sports success. Or in the case of corporate and managerial careers, ruthlessness and aggressive competition.
In short the power to generate money either by popularity and/or ruthlessness is more valued than actual intelligence. (I don't know if I am making any sense here, since i am finding it a bit hard to put into words).
So intelligence alone doesn't necessarily get someone to the top of the pecking order, but ruthlessness can, particularly in the modern workplace.
However much we don't like the 'pecking order' or stupid heirarchy games, it seems that the kind of society we live in actually does like it, and in some cases, actively encourages it.
I have often seen this in 'reality' game shows such as Big Brother, where people are humiliated, and even sometimes bullied, and programme makers have allowed this to carry on for the sake of generating the highest ratings they possibly can.
Bullying and abuse have become forms of 'entertainment' to be marketed to the masses, and the more of a bully you can be to the people around you, the more the programme makers like it. It matters nothing what effect this might have on the victims of the bullying once they have left the reality show and gone back home.
Even genuine talent has been thrown out of the window and in its place we have what has sometimes been called, 'humiliation TV.'
Little wonder, then, that bullying has been on the rise, both in schools and in the workplace.
It is a sad state of affairs, but that does seem to be the kind of world we are living in.
Apr 03, 2010
 to Sarah again...
by: Invisible Refugee

Au contraire, you did a GREAT job expressing how things are. This is EXACTLY the same conclusion I have come to, worded as though I were sharing it myself :)

I visualize the Ancient Romans and the coliseum, the witch hunts in Salem, Massachusetts, the European Church Inquisition that in actuality lasted 1000 years, and even aboriginal tribes everywhere from New Guinea to Asia to Africa to the "Americas" finding the most vulnerable person in the tribe to make the culprit in time of disaster - somebody is "the witch" to blame... Inevitably and consistently it's the one who is not FROM the tribe originally (easy target), or the ORPHAN/has the LEAST family connections (easy target), etc. etc... Jealousy just makes it that much more vicious. The crowd loves the spectacle of bullying & scapegoating, but don't forget there is actually another aspect besides the jealousy at play, too - the vulnerable position in the social hierarchy. Those not being FROM somewhere & not having family ties have THROUGHOUT HUMAN HISTORY THE WORLD OVER supplied humanity with their slave-labor force and prostitutes. You can find it reading about almost any culture that has ever existed, with few exceptions (in recorded history... which is not always totally reported or accurate, either, but given enough research you can usually get a good idea what is omitted or tampered with. (The more you fill in the surrounding history blanks, understand human nature and see the patterns.) Of course, the most successful humans DON'T EVEN CARE about any of it!

In conclusion, the healthiest & most well-adjusted humans have become, in regard, the "mentalcases", while the true psychos run the world... This is the only shred of positivity that I have left to cling to in regard to never having a family or children - I have to remind myself of these things and be thankful that I will never have the (opportunity?) to bring another innocent, beautiful, precious life into a world guaranteed to dement & deform it! This is black positivity, but positivity nonetheless.
Apr 21, 2010
 thanks
by: Anonymous

Just the thing i need... thanks a lot
Apr 22, 2010
 To Invisible Refugee...
by: 'Sarah'

To sum up a little of what you have said.
Yes, it does seem to be true that humans have a very good capacity for 'scapegoating.'
We are the most 'intelligent' species, or so we have been led to believe.
We are not necessarily the most benevolent though.
Thanks for your comment.
Apr 30, 2010
 "Intelligent"
by: Invisible Refugee

I think humans like to believe that they are so intelligent but fail to perceive other forms of what may be "intelligence". Birds and dolphins and other life forms can do some powerful things that we have only recently glimpsed. We do not know the extent of what we haven't begun to appreciate in others, (including other species & other manifestations/phenomenons in the universe). I would think benevolence goes hand-in-hand with being intelligent. That's why the brightest youth with the most to offer are committing suicide by the droves. Which then leaves the world a darker place, and a playground for more bullies... Don't do it, you guys! Seriously! All you out there that identify with this - you GOT to stay ALIVE and BE HERE to FIGHT! Those who have more to offer have more struggle, but know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! If you think being hopelessly outnumbered is a problem, then DON'T ADD TO IT! Benevolent people have got to speak and CREATE COMMUNITIES... it won't happen without community... most of all & until we get to that, KEEP TALKING! If we don't even know there are enough others of us out there, or others that dare to care, we only have black positivity left to cling to, and that ain't too productive! It's an atrocious societal standard in place that systematically & absolutely stifles, degrades and abuses those who would help themselves out of victimization by freeing themselves to tell their stories where they may be RECEIVED in TRUTH and then freed to lead productive lives. There is nothing at all productive about being victimized into the oblivion of life-long degradation and mere survival only for the self in the moment. Especially when you KNOW you have a lot to offer and are incessantly kept from offering any of it. That's what causes "depression". I hate to use that word because of how the fascist so-called "medical" establishment has hijacked it and rearranged the definition for the sake of making huge profits at the expense of others' misfortunes. Another example of those "we" consider to be "intelligent" not being benevolent, and ultimately showing lack of "intelligence". Thanks, Sarah and others for all comments, including "Anonymous" "just what I needed". I receive the sarcasm in the most productive way, and that is to say that I seek forgiveness now for adding a non-productive, destructive black conclusion. Overwhelming injustice and frustration has got to go somewhere, & I used to convert it into creative endeavors like art, music, writing, theater, etc, but I now go out of my way not to do any of these creative things so I don't get labeled something and have my current life totally ruined. I can't afford to attract any more BULLIES! I hope that maybe some day I will be free to contribute positive solutions to the non-intelligent, non-benevolent trend.
May 24, 2010
 Outstaying my welcome...
by: Sarah

I have been bullied quite a lot in my life. Every time I have shown an interest in something; a group, a hobby, a society, a new job, etc, some bully has homed in and tried to ruin it all. Every time I have tried to join a group it wasn't long before the 'bullying' started or I was simply left out of the group or comments were made behind my back. I am quiet, and I can't help that. But I honestly have tried my level best to be as friendly as possible in such situations. Yet it never works.
I always seem to have to move on, in many cases outstaying my welcome rather than being properly 'accepted' as one of the group. This has involved groups like 'Weightwatchers' to various political and 'spiritual' groups.
There has been a slightly amusing outcome to this however. I have become a group 'tourist' hopping from one interest group to another rather than staying around and waiting for the cracks to show and getting hit by the almost inevitable resentments, jealousies and politics that seem to come my way.
Nowadays of course, I hardly go anywhere at all. No doubt I shall try yet again with another group of people. I am apprehensive but I'll try not to get too involved in the inner workings of the group - just in case. More than a couple of months, and the rot sets in.
Jun 06, 2010
 Not Ordinary
by: Invisible Refugee

Methinks that we are actually finding out on a realistic level the innate problems of humanity from which none are exempt -- it seems that the only difference between us and them is that we are being open and honest here about how things really are, and they are still too busy trying to desperately cling to sick demented social statuses -- whatever it takes to remain inside of and invisible inside of the herd. So it boils down to this: are we better off invisible and miserable inside the herd, or invisible and miserable without human contact? Lol. No wonder we need to believe in God. He sure has a strange sense of humor, though.
Jun 07, 2010
 Re; Not ordinary....
by: 'Sarah'

I am not sure if I can believe in God. In fact the more I think about God, the more ridiculous he becomes. I wanted to believe once, but then I saw the hypocricy of some 'worshippers.'
It's been the same this past week, listening to various churchmen on the News belting out how much God was there in all the confusion while Derrick Bird was gunning down all those people in the Lake District. He ended up killing twelve and injuring many more.
The police say we might never know the reasons for his gun rampage. There have been various possiblities put forward. Family rows over inheritances; tax problems; jealousy; and the most intriguing of all for me; the possibility that Bird had been taunted or 'bullied' by his fellow taxi drivers.
It appears they may have called him names or jumped the queue in front of him etc. I don't know for sure. But it appears he was having problems with some of them. Indeed one of his fellow work colleagues ended up as one of his victims, shot in the head and killed.
Then came one of his own brothers, and then the family solicitor.
Next he targeted complete strangers, at random. He eventually committed suicide by his own gun before the police could intercept him.
I can only guess what goes on in some of these communities up and down the country. I know that bullying, abuse and scapegoating is rife in our society. But all the politicians can talk about at the moment is introducing further leglislation or 'toughening' up on the gun laws.
We can only ever guess what turned an ordinary family man who people generally liked into a mass murderer. Was Bird taunted and abused by one or more of his own workmates, and if so, could that have been one of the factors that tipped him over the edge?
We shall never know.
Jun 12, 2010
 When we want to know
by: Invisible Refugee

I think there are so many of us out here, out there, (wherever) that KNOW... but we are not allowed to say so. Why? We would be called names or regarded as dangerous for coming forward identifying with him? So the media continues to be free to portray "psychos", while we are silent in standing up to the plate and aiming at the origin of a problem that we recognize - all so that we don't become the next target. All the same dynamics everywhere that keeps victims from opening their mouths in self-defense, in life-affirming, motivational pursuit of positive and creative solutions. Notice how anything creative or else creativity itself in any form gets targeted. I wish we could stop this non-culture and culturally attack all this - but where to start when our own families and homes where we come from/came from offer no protection or support and everything in society rides on an individual having those ties?

As far as God, I wish he would be more interested in the innocent and come to our defense. It's really frustrating to hear all your life how you just "didn't pray hard enough" or "didn't have faith enough" or "didn't believe enough" or believe in the RIGHT version of "God" & so there will always be justification for injustice. It's really tiring.

I hear ya loud and clear Sarah. Thanks for being here.
Jun 15, 2010
 List Of Reasons For Being Bullied
by: Anonymous

Definately the types of bullies in my workplace are the predator types,who love to take advantage, but i am in the process of learning to say no, more often. The manager of our unit says everyone should chip in when I am overloaded, but this particular person never helps, and mind you, this has been occuring for years. I finally made the mistake of asking this person for help, and she flat-out refused. Several days later, she says she needed some things done, even though i had an overload of duties, and i also was a stand-in(doing secretarial duties) because we did not have a secretary. She even ignores me when i speak to her.But for some strange reason, I am always smiling and she hardly ever does.
Jun 15, 2010
 List of Reasons For Being Bullied
by: Stacey

The effects of bullying and being constantly belittled has affected me to the point where I don't like socializing with others I don't know very well. Even when I go out to do any errands, I try to remain reclusive and I don't even have the desire to join any particular conversations with the people i see or with the people in my workplace. I must say that the list that was compliled by Richard was excellent!!!!! There is a whole lot of truth in it. I will continue to be warm and friendly, and not allow a cruel world to take those gifts away from me. But I will direct my warm disposition to those who desire it.
Jun 15, 2010
 Re; Stacey...
by: 'Sarah'

I feel exactly the same way as you do. It seems strange, but, most people I meet (not all) are perfectly alright as individuals. But as soon as they get into a group, they can start to be really abusive.
It's as if just being in a group can change someone from being a generally pleasant person into a bullying monster. People just have to go along with the 'group think' for some reason.
I don't dislike people in a general sense, but I would like them a bit better if they weren't so 'sheep-like' and easily led by nasty types. I find that aspect really off-putting.
I don't go out much myself, preferring to occupy my time with pursuits I can do on my own. That might sound sad to other people but I actually feel happier. I even work for myself nowadays, and don't have to worry anymore about group 'politics.'
I do have a partner of many years so I don't actually live on my own, and we do things together. He's wonderful but he doesn't really understand the bullying thing. It's as if he can't believe what I say.
Jun 30, 2010
 coworkers know i am bipolar and bully me
by: monica

this list is beautiful...
Thank-You so much!!!!
this may have saved me!!!!and my life!!!!
i know that this is not my fault and if i could just learn to control my emotions and not show them it bothers me, when they bully me and single me out, i would have it made.
Jul 05, 2010
 why certain types are bullied
by: Danya Brooke

Monica you just said those magic words. If I could control my emotions. Thats the problem right there! People who are bullied are usually full of negative emotions which sometimes stem from past difficulties, whether in the home from or through other personal experiences. Life is not as easy as people think, it can be very hard for those who are brought up strict, unsupportive or with some kind of mental or physcial illness. Bullies get very jealous of people that stand out. They feel threatened by anyone person that comes across more knowledgable and understading them themselves. Any body who has been bullied in life, would have something about him or her that stands out from the rest of the crowd. The more the bullying the better the victim, just like the list states. There are companys out there that even feed on that type of insecurity. They like it and like to hassle anyone who displays it. Its like an entertainment to those who think they are above everyone else. Having very large egos is also a kind of mental weakness, but those who have it think its a gift from the Gods. Then when their own world comes crashing down, and it does, I can assure you, they are pathetic. Thank God for the internet, because finally people are speaking up and standing their grounds. Its good to see that your not alone when things come out like this. ON YA ANTON...ITS ABOUT BLOODY TIME, such a website was put together.
Jul 07, 2010
 adding to THE LIST
by: Anonymous

others reasons for people being bullied, is if they have a different belief system. I have learned that you can also be bullied for just being a different race. If you dress, look, or speak different its enough to upset a bully. If you keep to yourself, or if you dont drink, smoke, do drugs or have casual flings, these are things that can also remove you from groups. If you are tradionally minded or live life in a different way to the one doing the bullying, it can make you a victim. Bullies target people who are some what different to themselves. People who are simple, easy going, and usually dont hurt a fly, can become targets for bullies. The good thing is that as the old saying goes, every dog has its day, and now bullies are having theirs. The victims are finally speaking up!
Jul 07, 2010
 A lifesaver...
by: 'Sarah@

This website has also been a lifesaver for me, since I have actually managed to communicate with people who have experienced the same thing as I have.
I used to feel so alone, like a freak as if there was something wrong with me. While everyone else was leading a 'normal' life and being able to socialise and get on, I was being singled out and treated differently - or so it seemed.
Now I know my situation is far from unique and I am not alone. The bullies in my community wanted me to feel that I was the only one. But I know better than they do. The internet has enabled people to come together and share common experiences and this is wonderful.
But it has not healed the emotional scars - I think they will remain unfortunately.
The worst thing for me is feeling that I cannot change, no matter how hard I try.
I will probably always be this quiet, sensitive individual, and I am not sure if having that kind of nature has done me a whole lot of good.
So thanks Anton for this website. It has been great to be able to share.
Aug 09, 2010
 Right or Wrong
by: Anonymous

Thank you. I was looking up reason people are threatened. As an adult I have gone through life wondering what is wrong with me because bullying has been ongoing. Aspergers is a recent insight about myself and we do tend to be innocent! It is difficult emotionally to realise something is right with me and it is their problem.

I am spending my life facing medical abuse and working to make change. As you will realise I am up against oppression, so always in the firing line.

Well done for the wonderful work you are doing.

Lynn
Aug 13, 2010
 Fat woman bullies thin employees
by: Anonymous

A fat lady at our company is always bullying the employees that are attractive and thin. Why doesn't the fat lady lose some weight and get a make over so she can live with herself? It's amazing the problems she has caused because of her jealousy!!
Aug 14, 2010
 Re: Fat woman bullies thin employees...
by: 'Sarah'

Perhaps the thin ones should learn some form of martial art or self-defence.
'The bigger they come, the harder they fall.'
Aug 23, 2010
 PSYCH jargon
by: Invisible Refugee

I'm going to say this and there is nothing I can do about anyone's refusal to face this truth:

PSYCHIATRY IS RAPE AND FRAUD, CORRUPTION AND MALFEASANCE AT THE UNIMAGINABLE LEVEL... Stalinist Russia and Maoist China got nothing on this secret American holocaust... I just happen to be an extraordinarily strong individual. The rest of the worst-case victims have mostly committed suicide - for good reasons.
Sep 01, 2010
 "certain types"
by: Invisible Refugee

why certain types are bullied
by: Danya Brooke

"Monica you just said those magic words. If I could control my emotions. Thats the problem right there! People who are bullied are usually full of negative emotions which sometimes stem from past difficulties, whether in the home from or through other personal experiences."

This is bullying.

SLANDER, as in LIES are USUALLY based on theories like this. Sweeping generalizations like "People who are bullied are usually full of negative emotions (etc.)" are negative perceptions and negative emotions all wrapped up in something called "prejudice". It's like saying that people who are Black are usually bullied because of these things. THINK ABOUT IT. This is a CLASSIC example of what brought us (well, MOST of us) onto this site. This is what psychiatry thrives on - encouraging bullying to continue on, spiraling to out of control proportions. It makes ABSOLUTLELY, POSITIVELY NO DIFFERENCE how WELL-ADJUSTED or POSITIVE or SOCIALLY CAPABLE, it makes NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER the SKILLS and GRACES CULTIVATED DESPITE any PAST problems... when someone is the TARGET of bullying, they will ABSOLUTELY be bullied. Period. THERE IS NO WAY OUT. That's THE POINT.

I found the article linked to this site about the church bullying... by Margaret W. Jones. Once again: CLOSE, but still NOT applicable. I DID assert myself and "push back", as I had taught myself and cultivated skills for doing so over the years, which was a hard struggle that paid off - so i had THOUGHT - I THOUGHT I had struggled, achieved, pressed on, pushed forward, left the past, been successful, achieved what I needed... and I HAD... all for how long? and to just end up socially, economically, legally, emotionally and psychologically SLAUGHTERED all over again, but worse than ever before??? And now everywhere I go and everywhere I look there are always random people chiming in with the same SLANDER (prejudice) that was used to defame and economically, socially, legally (which all ADDS UP TO psychologically) RAPE me - EVERYWHERE??? Let me ask you something, you who write without knowing the full story - what if you are totally wrong about your theory presented as fact, and the majority of victims have already done the work necessary to overcome past conflict, past lacking of social skills, and even past emotions over them, and by adding your little "helpful" comment you are only making yourself feel good somehow while tearing down and hurting other people? Or was that really the point?
Sep 01, 2010
 To Monica
by: Invisible Refugee

Monica said:
"i know that this is not my fault and if i could just learn to control my emotions and not show them it bothers me, when they bully me and single me out, i would have it made."

Dear, dear Monica. I have some long-hard-earned experiential knowledge to pass on regarding your comment. First, when you are singled out to be bullied, it makes NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER how well you "control" your emotions. It makes NO DIFFERENCE how well you hide or don't display your feelings, or wait until a later and appropriate time and place to confront injustices. When the group has singled you out to be the target, there is NOTHING you can do to stop it. So whether or not you are good at hiding your feelings or controlling your emotions doesn't have much to do with it. Especially in light of your claim to be "bipolar"... don't they make "medications" for that? Wouldn't that stop the emotions from being overly inappropriate? I wonder who it was that decided that your emotions, or emotional displays (whichever) were "inappropriate" or out of proportion, or whatever? Do you really have "mood swings" or have they bullied you into thinking of yourself that way? Or were they just using those claims to make people VIEW you that way, so that you can't ever be free from the designated identity they have chosen for you? See, this is a HUGE problem. When people who have social status, position and money have gathered up all the other folks in a church or a workplace and even gone as far as spreading it in a whole town or ruined your resume (without you being aware!) so that it follows you to other towns (and you FIND THE EVIDENCE YEARS LATER) - then this is a serious problem... I wish it were addressed more often from this perspective... maybe I should start another site ;)

Food for thought, I hope...
Sep 03, 2010
 To Monica...
by: Sarah

Dear Monica,
I must chime in on this because I feel that what has been said here is very true, and I am basing what I say on my own experience as well.
As regards the bullying in my own community, seemingly directed at me from one of the hubs of that community, it does seem to be the case that, no matter how nice I am with the people 'involved' with this. i.e. I might smile at them, say 'hello' in the street, try to be friendly etc.. the brutal fact remains that I am now (in their eyes) a 'marked' individual.
Innocence has NOTHING to do with it. Once you've been 'flagged up' by a bully or a group of bullies, that's it basically.
Nothing you do or say will ever change it.
Basically I am now regarded as the 'villain of the peace,' the person who complained about the two bullies in their place of work. I am now the 'wicked witch' whenever I walk in to the place where it happened, the one to be wary of and not speak to if at all possible.
It makes no difference whether or not I started the whole thing.
I know I did the right thing when I complained, so I don't regret it, not for one second. But the guilt and the responsibility for someone's else's dysfunctional actions, has been loaded on to me. IT'S A CLASSIC SCAPEGOAT SITUATION.
AND THAT IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE.
I have long since stopped trying to fight them, preferring to keep myself to myself as much as possible, and live my own life and refuse to let anyone destroy it, whether through slander, provocative behaviour or anything else for that matter.
So there is a point to what is being said here. I usually try to keep my emotions positive. The worst negative emotions only seem to well up if I see or meet one of the bullies concerned, or their followers-on.
I don't think I am full of negativity. Having said that I am human, and have my good and bad days like everyone else.
But I won't be driven to drink, drugs, depression or suicide by evil-doers.
That said, I will now chime out and let someone else have their say.
Sep 04, 2010
 to Sarah
by: Invisible Refugee

Tell it like it is, lady! Yeah! <3

This is awesome.

Thanks, Anton. More power to the forces of Benevolence!

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