Am I A Victim Of Gangstalking?
Many times in my life I thought I was going crazy but I might be a victim of gangstalking. I became a Christian in my teens and was quite an activist, I smuggled bibles from Hong Kong to China and went from Bible college to help a missionary family in the States. I was invited with the understanding that I would be helping in an organised children's home I was wrong. It was a family taking in children from prisoners and they wanted me to look after the babies they had living with them until they built the children's home. I stayed because they manipulated my young mind telling me that Jesus never walked out on children and he never had a break. As missionaries I trusted them.
They had 4 daughters who were teenagers but they didn't help me, they bullied me. We lived in the middle of nowhere in Alabama and I was isolated looking after crack babies from morning till night 6 days a week. The father of the family used aggression and called me names, he kept all potential boyfriends away from me. I went to the pastor of the church about how cruel they were to me and a lady took me in to help me but the family abruptly left that church and wouldn't allow me to go. I went on my bike 4 miles to go to the prayer meetings of the previous church but the family came looking for me and brought me back.
I was still very active as a Christian and would go into the prison one morning a week and talk to the female prisoners.
I stayed there 3 years. After the first year I developed a mental illness, thoughts against God and sexually explicit thoughts would invade my mind. Sometimes these thoughts would overlap each other because of the speed they were entering my mind. I couldn't read my Bible or pray. I was under the impression that if I didn't fight these thoughts, they would take root. I had incredible urges to blaspheme the holy spirit it took all my strength to resist.
I began to faint a lot so I left Alabama and came back to the UK. These thoughts and urges persisted for a further 10 years, sometimes I felt like I was in a dream state and once when I came out of it I realise I had said blasphemous things about the Holy Spirit. I was plagued with horrible dread that I had lost my salvation for years afterwards. Living in hope I went to a local church and became friends with a lot of people my own age. One girl in particular became very strange around me, anyone I was friends with she intercepted and they became her friends and didn't associate with me. She copied everything I wore and all my hobbies and interests became hers. She intercepted any men who liked me and would quiz people about my whereabouts.
People at church stopped talking to me so I stopped going. During that time my fiance it emerged was a paedophile and had been telling people I worked with that he knew how to perform the perfect murder. Obviously we broke up but I would bump into him everywhere. I began working at a factory and in that time 2 people stalked me, I'm not exaggerating, one of them told me he knew where I lived and would be waiting for me.
I was still tormented by these thoughts day and night.
My mother had a new boyfriend who listens to me talk about my thought invasion and he tried to encourage me to blaspheme the holy spirit, I wouldn't and he wrote my mother a horrible letter saying how I was manipulative and he couldn't stay with her because of me. He also wrote me a letter about how I wasn't saved and had lost my salvation. My mother threw me out of the house and I lived by myself. He put her through mind torture of her own telling her he could kill her with a hammer if he wanted.
I came away from the church and because I couldn't pray or read my Bible as a result of these thoughts, everything went quiet and no one harassed me.
5 years later I came back to God and started going to a big city church in Hull.
I met my husband there and we became youth leaders together. My husband became a workaholic despite my tears and protests and again people started snubbing me at church. We have been married for 6 years and I still hardly see my husband. I feel like I don't know him. We became very burned out through too many demands at that church and we stopped going to church for 3 years.
My husband would look at every woman and not spend any time with me. He would call me crazy if I complained. Since going back to church and meeting my husband people often shout at me in the street, they laugh at me. Groups of teenagers laugh as I walk by and I became agoraphobic. We even moved away from Hull because I was scared to walk down the street. It still happens now on average about 2 or 3 times a month. It has really affected my confidence. At work I reported my boss for bullying me and now the whole department is against me. The director moved me to another department and the boss bullied me even worse. I was told that they wouldn't renew my contract and I had 3 weeks to get another job but I fought this and they backed down. Now my colleague is trying to influence me to stand up against bullying in this job but I've refused.
Also since meeting my husband and going to church I've had neighbours that play music through the night. We moved to a quieter town but again next to neighbours who play music through the night.
I can walk down the street and have a feeling of… I don't know… A sense that someone is going to insult me and a complete stranger will insult me. It's so strange.
I am surrounded by people who talk at me for hours knowing I'm too polite to tell them to shut up. They constantly drain me. My dad (who is a freemason) my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my work colleagues and a person at my current church. I can't escape draining people.
Anyone reading this will probably think I'm a problem person who can't admit that I annoy everyone but I am a quiet unassuming person who hates conflict.
When I'm alone in my house I feel constantly nervous and anxious.
I found out about gangstalking last night and this may be happening to me.
I'm trapped because of constant debt and have often fought the urge to commit suicide.
In the last 5 years I've had extreme pain when I lay down to sleep. It starts in the left side of my abdomen and radiates down the front of my leg then up the back of the leg into the left buttock cramping the entire leg every night. The doctors and physios can't find the cause and all comment about how unusual this is. I've also had a distended abdomen for 2 years with nightsweats and pain, again, health professionals can't find a cause. I get frequently headaches and constant anxiety.
Do you think I'm a victim of gangstalking? X