Bullying By Women Managers
 
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Bullying By Women Managers

by Elaine
(United Kingdom)

About two years ago I offered my services as a volunteer to a Brussels based NGO, the deal was that I would work to procure EU Commission funded research project and work as the Research Officer for this organisation to support the manager. I was successful in procuring three projects which meant funding of around 250,000 Euros from which I would receive a salary. All went well until the funding came in.

The first problem started with the contract. I requested that an expert in EU projects be consulted to ensure that the appropriate contract was drawn up, instead I was offered a "homespun" document, which I refused to sign and this problem continued throughout the period of my involvement with this organisation. Effectively I worked as a "contractor", which meant I paid my own National Insurance.

My time was constantly called upon to provide voluntary assistance as well as the work I was expected to do within the projects. I suppose the biggest problem was a lack of boundaries and clarity of what I was expected to do, both within the projects and in a voluntary capacity.

The organisation in Brussels represents a number of national organisations throughout Europe and the manager is overseen by a voluntary president and representatives of these organisations. There is an Executive Committee in which a smaller number of representatives are selected to ensure that the finances and general political management run smoothly.

Within a month of commencing the projects, I resigned, because I believed that the decisions of the manager were at the very least questionable. For example, she wanted to use personal data from one of the projects for the benefit of the organisation, however this would have contravened the agreement with the project consortium and data protection laws. I made my views clear and was shouted at. At a meeting of the representatives she presented her concept which would have meant my involvement in carrying out surveys, analysis and writing reports as a volunteer and she informed the representatives that I did not agree, without giving me the opportunity to explain why.

Over the next year, she interfered in my work and made it very difficult for me to simply get on and do my job. I have a PhD in Social Research, so I guess I know my job and I found it very difficult to work with a person with no qualifications in this field, that kept trying to control me and my work.

In August last year she presented a diagram to the Executive committee in which she outlined my position and the work she expected me to do - as a volunteer - which was completely separate from the work I was doing within the projects. I objected and commented that as a matter of courtesy she could have asked first. Her response was to bang her hand on the table, shout at me and then to the Executive "I hate this f*cking federation". Some of the Executive committee felt that I was to blame because I created tension. Shortly after this, there were discussions within the Executive meeting to decide what to do, which included appointing a working group to find a solution, the result of this working group was to support the manager. As a consequence, the president and technical officer resigned and there was a rift within the Executive Committee.

In November last year, I was invited to a meeting with the Accountant and was asked to revise the invoicing system and was told what was required - which was to increase the amount that I claimed. I was somewhat perplexed as to what this meant and said that I would not do anything illegal and I was assured that this would not be the case.

Shortly after this, I sent the Administration Officer my timesheet and was asked to change the hours I worked to lower number, so that they could claim the remaining hours from the EU Commission for the organisation - this was to overcome the difference that was needed to cover the portion that the organisation had to fund. I refused and this lead to a discussion with the president and others in the Executive committee. The President agreed with me. Finally the manager and Administration Officer believed that it was appropriate to use project funding to cover my expenses to attend the organisation's internal meetings and a conference (which had nothing to do with the specific project). I was told that this was acceptable and while I believed them in the first instance (and consequently signed the claims sheet), I later asked for confirmation from the consortium and was informed (in writing) that this was not acceptable.

I informed the Executive committee and submitted a grievance against the manager.

I was asked to attend a meeting and when I asked what would be discussed, I was told that my grievance would be discussed along with other issues - "outside my role as Research Officer". I asked that any issues be sent to me in writing in order for me to prepare myself, but none were forthcoming. In the meantime, the manager had sent out reports criticising me to all the representatives, to which I replied to defend myself, including my concerns about the submission of expense claims.

At an Executive meeting in February this year the two issues of altering time sheets and submitting claims for expenses was discussed. The majority of the Executive committee agreed that it was unacceptable to alter timesheets. However, they agreed that the expense claims from project funding to cover my attendance at organisational meetings and a conference should be submitted - their view was that it was worth trying, even if the claims might be refused. I resigned and informed the Executive Committee that I wanted my objections recorded in the minutes of the meeting, but they were not. Instead I was later contacted and asked to sign a retrospective contract to appease the EU Commission project officer (due to the fact that my initial advice was not taken and the manager had screwed up) dating from six months before I became their Research Officer, I refused.

I felt that I was targeted by some of the representatives including the new president, due to historical factional issues within the organisation. I certainly felt bullied, undermined and belittled by the manager and as a result I became physically ill. I know I can't do anything about this, but just being able to write it and let others read it, helps.

Comments for
Bullying By Women Managers

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May 01, 2009
The Tangled Web
by: Solange

You were stuck in the proverbial tangled web. It sounds like there were issues initially with agreements, meaning what was expected to be paid and what was expected to be volunteer. Since things weren't set out clearly at the beginning, a lot of people took the liberty to revise your working situation based on what they needed and wanted at the time. Their "ideas" for you were not always ethical.

You also had a manager who was acting from what we could call her "wounded child". Whatever was going on with her, allowed her to act out in ways that were completely inappropriate and violated your basic human right to be treated with respect. Reactions like that are generally based on the person's projections of past pains (totally unrelated to what is going on in the present). They think taking it out on you will make them feel better but any effect can only be temporary. Only enlightenment on her part into what is "pressing her buttons" can allow her to come to peace to the point where she no longer feels the need to project her insecurities onto others in the form of verbal abuse.

In the meantime, you are trapped in the web. When you respond to her brutality, you are not only responding to the behavior, you are responding to the present injustice. Problem is, her perceived injustice (completely unknown to her) is in past. You are not the cause of it.

However, because you are making noise reacting to this insanity, it makes you look like a troublemaker to others. Since the other person's behavior is so irrational and can't be explained, others focus on your behavior because there is an underlying logic they can deal with and explain. You become their target because going after you seems reasonable while the other person goes scot free. Your abuser gets off without repercussions BECAUSE of their irrationality. When behavior can't be explained, no one wants to deal with it. Did anyone else see this person's abusive behavior? If they did, it might have even triggered some fears in them. You were obviously easier to go after.

(see part II)

May 01, 2009
Tangled Web, Part II
by: Solange

Sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you are now suffering from post-traumatic stress. Holding onto stress over long periods will indeed make you sick. That is because, unlike other species, we humans don't release the neurochemistry of stress as we go along. Animals literally shake it off. Humans grin and bear it. Ultimately, we pay for that because we never rid our bodies of the stress hormones that were designed by nature to give us extra get-up-and-go to run away from a stressful situation. These chemicals, when present for long periods, are actually neurotoxins. They can trigger a "battle" between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems called Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, which can be debilitating. You don't want that. Instead, you want to rid yourself physically and mentally of this mess. I would recommend a process called Radical Forgiveness. You can find it at www.radicalforgiveness.com. Best of luck to you. Your EU colleagues have lost a lot by losing you. But the bright side is that, by starting to identify what it is that is inside of you (your "buttons" -- and we all have them) that allowed you to get stuck in the tangled web instead of cutting through its insanity, you can release all kinds of internal junk that may be holding you back from the freedom, success and inner peace that you want so that you are open and ready for a better experience next time. Best to you!

May 01, 2009
Been there...
by: Lar

Reading your story made me dizzy, nothing personal mind you, it sounds like you were dealing with some massive egos.

Giving advice is not my cup of tea, but it always seems that when more than one person work together, there is disagreement, or should I say, differing points of view.

If you are in any way like me, then I can honestly say that, I am surprised that anything really meaningful gets accomplished.

My story is exactly the same as yours, except that the names and the faces are different. You obviously struck a nerve, and as soon as that happens, they go into attack mode.

Doesn't anyone ever reflect about anything anymore... It's never about the work, it's always about their egos, and they can't stand it when their precious egos are bruised.

I know that your intentions were good ones, only considering the project before you, they see your intentions as a threat to their existence, because actually doing work is counter to their thinking, instead they basically practice posturing.

How does this help your feelings of dread and being psychologically abused you ask?

Well, only that you recognised the insidiousness of the illogical and irrational behaviour, despite having put everything you've got into it, giving up time and money seems like a complete waste, but, it wasn't, because you now have a new perspective and you made the correct decision to move on, they will continue stabbing each other in the back long after your gone.

Take heart, recognition is the first step to the path of recovery.

My experience changed everything for me, I am such a different person now compared to before. I would have to say that the one change that stands out the most, are trust issues.

I simply do not trust anyone anymore, everything seems to be tinged with suspicion, and I hate that, I suffer because in some ways I sense the internal conflict within me, the push and pull if you will, between trust and distrust.

I am much less naive, and for one that has not experienced being bullied, then one cannot fully appreciate how devastating the effects are.

You are not alone, at least in the sense that there are those that understand and sympathize with you.

May 01, 2009
Response to Solange
by: Elaine

Firstly, thank you very much for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it.

To be honest, I was just trying to understand what happened and for me writing is a form of therapy. I knew that my manager ? a younger woman - was a bully, but I didn?t know that there existed a specific definition for the type of bully that she is, until I came across a website called www.bullyonline.org. Using their definition, the majority of the elements of that list fit her profile perfectly: my previous manager is a serial bully. I?m a pretty tough old bird and a great believer in Zen Buddhism. I recall a parable which I can relate to and that gives me comfort.

What I feel is far more important is that I can live with my decisions and my integrity is intact. I just really needed to get this off my chest. The chances that anybody I know will actually read this are slim and all considered, immaterial.

I suppose the question should be, can I prove all of this and am I willing to do anything about it? Of course I can prove it, I've been around too long not to keep documents. But I guess the moral dilemma for me at least, is not so much that I was asked to participate in their attempts to deceive the European Commission - for financial gain, but that I still support the ideals of the organisation that I represented.

Ultimately the Executive Committee was fully aware of the situation but chose to ignore the moral and legal implications of what I can best describe as attempts to ?cook the books?, apart from her bullying and I accept that they identified me as the easier target because they saw me as a troublemaker.

In the end, the greatest shame is to witness this noble NGO become just another traveller on the Brussels gravy train.

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