Long, Slow Recovery After Bullying At Bank
by Josie
(Melbourne, Victoria)
I wish to tell you my story. I said some of it already, and tried to keep it positive, but if I am kidding anyone, its me. Bullying hurts like hell, and it can take away from you, what makes you who you are. This is my story as it should have been written.
Work was my life, mainly because I didn't have another life. I was brought up in a dysfunctional family, where I along with my siblings were left to fend for ourselves and become independent quite quickly. My father was a sufferer of depression and my mother, a victim of serious child abuse. In marriage, they couldn't stand one another, but for the sake of us kids, they stuck it out. Work became my life, and I never thought of myself being without a job, until I had no choice but to stay away for health reasons.
I joined a bank many years ago. In joining, I had a house to my name and money to burn. My body was well proportioned and I looked good at thirty years of age. It was just the right time for a new career. Joining the bank, was a big thing, considering I had left school at the tender age of fifteen.
I had a problem though. I took a long time to learn a job, and discovered later on, that due to a mild case of anxiety, I needed extra time to learn a job. As one person put it and a song that was once written, (I was a pretty face but the rest of me was out of place!) and how true it was. Hardship and life obstacles had given me a tough exterior, which robbed me of the help I needed to get ahead. The toughness and presumed confidence, was easily overlooked, when it was discovered I had a weakness in learning. The learning difficulties, made way for much labeling and name calling. It made me more of a target, for those who didn't like me to start off with.
I took it in my stride, until one day I applied and got a new Position in the bank. The job was in another department, and again the problem with learning on time. This time however, it wasn't just labeling, but later a mind game was played on me. The incident, caused me to think back to a child hood memory and make a connection. I was angry for what was done, especially because I was also shy and didn't know how to defend or speak up for myself. Bottling it all up, was so dangerous which I did, and a short time later my pain, exploded by throwing my body completely out of balance hormonally. It was to be the beginning of ongoing health complications which I kept to myself for fear of loosing my job. I was plagued with ongoing health problems for years and my body didn't bounce back to normal.
Two years later still serving the bank and still battling health complications, I was burning
the candle at both ends. Without thinking, and due to everyone in the office mouthing off, what they thought about certain changes made in our department, I did an email. They were new back then, and I thought I would be spoken to about it, as its contents were not flattering. I was wrong. I was later called into the office. It was the only time, something inside me, kind of pulled me back, as though warning me. I should have paid attention, but I didn't.
Some time later, I came out of the office, feeling dizzy and as a co worker mentioned, I was very pale. I was to resign. The male colleague had become aggressive with me. I experienced my first threat! Again, I kept it to myself, and didn't know what the damage was, until some time later, a person became firm with me, and I felt paralyzed. A feeling, had swept through me as though I had been electrocuted. The healing process was going to be long and slow.
I remained unemployed for years, and I changed. My bubbly personality had gone, as was my smile, and not to mention all my finances and house I had proudly paid off. This all happened, because I had lost my appreciation of life, I felt worthless. Even my references were not supportive meaning I would have trouble getting or being kept in a new employment.
In time, I was survived only by Centrelink payments. The matter was never justified for various reasons and even when the opportunity was there, I couldn't fight a case, as I didn't have the support network one normally has in the home front. I was also afraid as witnesses were being brought forward and it felt as though I was being ganged up upon, even though that wasn't the case. I was already ill and suffering from a blood disorder, which was getting further aggravated.
Sadly that person, I was once had all but disappeared and was replaced with an aging human being whom was gaining weight to the point of having trouble breathing. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I was finished. I changed so much, even when I tried to do some yoga I felt myself shaking. I was in no way balanced. It wasn't until a doctor, gave me a firm look and made it clear to me, that I needed to get back that person I once was. I needed to let go, even if this wasn't fair, I needed to do it for my own health. I was told, my body was crying out for some TLC and I needed to listen.
Today, I am on the mend. I have a new employment agency who is finally looking out for me. They shook my hand and welcomed me onto their premises. It felt great being welcomed again. I have learnt some very valuable lessons and although I am not fully recovered yet, I know I can get back that person I left behind, except this time, she will be more wiser, older and smarter.
