What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Mother of an Angel

The love of my life

The love of my life

Are you all chuckling at my choice of titles? We all think of our children as angels, don't we. Well, my child really is an angel. He went to be with God at age 14.

So many regrets now. And so much anger over the bullying!!! I try hard to forgive and forget. He is in a better place now, but this terrible anger over it just won't go away.

There are a couple of points I really want to make here. I believe that a lot of the bullying by children is learned from adults. (Hold your gasps and stop shaking your heads.) Let me tell you why.

My son was such a happy little boy, from birth through kindergaarten. In Kindergaarten, he brought home perfect papers every day and couldn't wait to come and show them to me and tell my all about them. He most definitely understood everything on every paper and he let me know it.

In first grade, things went downhill from the very beginning. His papers came home with red marks all over them every day. Even on the rare occasion when he did get all the answers correct, there would be a big red nasty note about the penmanship. He never bothered to take them out of his backpack and show them to me. One day, about three weeks after school started, he got off the bus and broke down in my arms, saying, everyone hates me.

Soon, I began getting emails from the teacher, complaining about his abilities. When I told her that I suspected that it was a self esteem problem, mainly caused by bullying at school and on the bus, she told me that he was bringing the bullying on himself. I asked how. She said because he does things like only putting his shoes half-way on when they go out for recess.

Now, I have to ask you! If the students are listening to a teacher who can never acknowledge ANYTHING good about the child, not even the rare perfect paper, and they are seeing that she agrees with the bullying as something that he deserves, are they not learning to bully from her?

I should have followed my instincts and pulled him out of that school. I can't tell you how bad I feel for the Hell that he endured for the next 8 years at that school with those same classmates, taking that bullying and meanness day after day.

Teachers reading this can deny all of this. But some of those students actually showed up at his funeral to tell me that they were a part of "teasing" him and they were sorry. From the stories I heard from a few witnesses, it was more like terrorising than teasing. This most certainly was very real. They made his life HELL!

I believe now that this life is just not good enough for really special people. God took my son to save him from what he was going through.

And YES!!! I am angry and feel cheated. He was my only child. When he died, I was too old to have another. I will never be a mom or have a grandchild, and the memories I have are invaded by these!!!!

Comments for Mother of an Angel

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Mother of an Angel
by: Anonymous

Such terrible pain and loss... I can only imagine how you feel. I feel cheated by bullies, too. They took away a part of my life, too. I kept telling myself I had to "forgive and forget" until I talked to a minister. If you read the scriptures, we do not need to "forgive" someone who does not ask to be forgiven. If they ask us to be forgiven, we should do so, but we are not to forget.

That is in the scriptures, too. If we forget, it might happen again to us, or to someone else. Should we forgive and forget what Hitler did to the Jews? I don't think so. So we can all stop beating ourselves up trying to "forgive and forget" what bullies do to our lives. So far, I've never met a bully who asks for forgiveness, but surely there is one out there somewhere who wrecked havoc with my life -- and yours.

Sorry for your loss
by: Solange

Truly. I cannot imagine how you feel having lost your child. It is beyond my ability to know, since I never even had one myself. However, do not lose yourself, too. Your child would want you to be happy. I'm sorry he was bullied. So many of us know the pain of that. But you do not have to continue to carry that burden. It is over. Ultimately, that is the only lesson of bullying -- finding a way to release it, let go, and be happy despite the immaturity of others around us. I wish you well.

belive me, I know
by: nutty girl

I know this is a site for parents, but I never told mine, and probably never will. at least, not everything.
like the name? it's a joke. I'm really allergic to peanuts, and all through seventh and eigth grade, I got death threats that weren't the school's problem. oh, kids will be kids. you're too sensitive! it's your fault for reading the ingredients on everything! and I would wail. but, but, if I eat peanuts I throw up!!! my balance is screwed and my head pounds!!! sometimes I have to go to the hospital!!! I don't want to be threatened like this!!! but, why should they listen to me? I'm obviously seeking attention. and, I was. everyone beleived it. and gradually, so did I. I WAS just over-reacting. I was the problem. so I stopped reporting it. when I fould candy wrappers in my locker I would simply take them out, ever though touching them was condeming myself to an awful rash. and the tauntings no longer made me cry in the bathrooms. somehow, I still loved myself. somehow, I still knew I was a good person and deserved life. and somehow, I overcame it. when I grew out of my akward phase all the bullies suddenly wanted this hot-bodied glamorous girl in their groups. I must have seemed so sure of myself. and then I snubbed the bullies. and I went to be friends with the social regects, because with them I knew where I stood.
wow, sorry this got a bit long-winded. I guess my point was, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm very sorry for you. I hate to say it, but adults really are clueless sometimes. not you, the teachers. good luck, keep being brave. bravery can work wonders.

Saddened
by: CRIMSON

I'm so sorry for your loss and you're in my prayers. I'm a mom of an 11 year old son and 5 year old. My 11 year old is very quiet but is so humble and nice to others. His fifth grade teacher called him her gentle giant. This year in junior high is a different story. Thank god he talks to me, he tells me he's being made fun of. He said mom they say really mean things to me and call me fat which he isn't. I could see he was hiding his phone and found it and looked through. I couldn't believe what I saw. Some kid called him a freak and sent a horrible song. The next day sent a terrible message about my son wanting friends and how he was going to kill him. The language was beyond words. I called the Asst. Principal. He said kids will be kids and the other boy's mom is a teacher at the elem. school. How does that make a difference? Just because she is a teacher doesn't mean her child does no wrong but I guess according to the school it does!! But in the end I will fight for my son everyday and for all the others.

My Gentle Giant
by: Shanna

I am the mother of a 9 year old boy named Nicolas. Nic has always been big for his age, usually towering over the other children in his class. He's also put on a few pounds over the last year and that has made him the target of the neighborhood bully. My son refuses to fight back because I've taught him from an early age that violence is wrong and solves nothing. He says he doesn't want to hurt the other child, even though he's being hurt. I've never had to reprimand him for anything more than getting a bad mark in school. The bully is nearly the same size as my son, but alot meaner. The bully comes from a broken home and a drug addicted mother (who thinks her son does absolutely no wrong). I almost want to feel pity for the boy, but his actions are getting out of control. The bully is always in trouble at school and I've contacted the teacher to let her know what has been going on. The bad thing is, it rarely happens on school property. It always happens on the walk home from school. My son loves to walk home and I refuse to give this bully the power by picking my son up from school. I'm at my wits end. I confronted the bully today and told him to keep his hands off of my child or I will call the police and press charges. I'm not sure I can even do that. I'm praying that this is going to get better because my sensitive gentle giant is rapidly losing his self-esteem and self worth. What more can I do?

I'm so sorry...
by: Steve

Yes, your son is an angel and with our God who loves him very much. I know it may sound trite to say not to blame yourself. Did you really know what your son was going through? If you had, you would have pulled him out of that school. You didn't have enough information! Please don't blame yourself. You didn't know.
I might be 45, now, but I shouldn't have lived past age 11, when I tried to hang myself. My attempt failed but have wished thousands of times ever since that I'd succeeded. My hellish childhood just continued into adulthood where I suffer from massive depression, ptsd, anxiety attacks. I was taught to feel like an outcast and not worthy of anything good in life. Just everyone's toy to kick around. My parents didn't know, either. Never did. They also never could understand why I was such a failure in life. But I didn't want to burden them with that in their later years.
I will pray for your son and you tonight. That your angel is happy with God and that you will find the inner strength to overcome this. God loves you, too!

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