What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

My Bully Abusive Witch Of A Boss

by Susan

I worked about a year and a half on and off for a very creative person who as time went on became more and more abusive, aggressive, and manipulative. There were times they could be amazing and kind and generous.

There were a few things that happened were I should have walked out a long time ago - were I was treated like a piece of trash. But I so badly wanted to belong somewhere and make a success of things. I have had a few jobs and not really found my niche.

I tried so hard with "X". I really gave a lot of myself to her and almost begged her to teach me - have her be my mentor. I even said I wanted her to teach me so I could work and run the business one day.

In return, she was very emotionally abusive and even one time shoved me. I was not a perfect person but I gave from my heart and feel I was a good person to her.

She told me that I was stupid, to shut the f up, belittled me in front of other people including a couple of clients, told me "I don't care what you do, did not pay me for a few hours work I did for her - including on my own time because I so wanted to please, would give me the silent treatment, told me to butt out, "forgot" to tell me she had left the office and went home early, and even accused me of stealing from her.

When things would go wrong I was the scratching post. Things all ended two weeks ago to where I told her to f off, you don't treat me like a person and when I went back to talk to her - she said I am going to call the police - after a year of knowing each other!! Then, I received an e-mail two days later basically her ending everything between us.

The thing that really made me so angry was that she twisted everything around to were it was all my fault. How can someone be so cruel and abusive - to have no empathy for another person? I do know about bullying and have read about it in the last week or so but it still really hurts. It hurts that she can just go on and discard me like trash. I have had such a tough time for months on end with just trying to make ends meet and find my place... What these people don't realize is that they do real damage. At this point I am just trying to pick up the pieces and move on and realize that with people like "x" you reap what you sow in life.

Comments for My Bully Abusive Witch Of A Boss

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You're a star
by: Trinity

X doesn't have empathy, she is a psychopath, not very evolved though, the world is full of them. The best revenge of all is to be successful, and with your attributes you can make that happen, and you will be star.

Obvous obuse
by: Freedom

In some ways, you were fortunate. Your bully was an obvious bully and was your supervisor. She swore at you, yelled at you, physically assaulted you, gave you the silent treatment, and refused to pay you.

Most bullies are not so obvious - or so illegal.

Nobody deserves to be bullied, but at some point the victim deserves some blame for staying in a situation and allowing themselves to be subject to the abuse. It is like someone laying down on the traintracks and blaming the train for running over them. Yes, the train is big and mean and loud, but sometimes you just have to get out of the way.

Yours sounds like one of those cases. When your boss pushed you, that was the time to leave for sure. When she did not pay you, that was the time to leave. When you received the silent treatment from your boss, that was the time to leave.

Your story describes your boss as a tyrant, and you begging her "yes, maam, may I have another."

At some point, you have to look at the door to that lion's cage workplace and say, "I'm not going back in there". By your own description, you waited far to long to come to that conclusion and were subjected to unnecessary abuse as a result.

Reply to comments made
by: Susan

Thank you for saying that I am a star. That is appreciated. I agree that she has no empathy. To the other comment you are right that I should have gotten out sooner. I stayed because I just wanted to belong somewhere and I was vulnerable. Looking back now, I think "X" knew that I was vulnerable and played on that. She was very manipulative as abusive people are. I know that I would never take all of this from someone again- no matter what.

Reply to Comments
by: Susan

Yes, I do agree with you that "X" is a psychopath and has no empathy. To really top it off, X accused me of stealing from her! I truly hope that in her case "what goes around comes around." I agree with the other comment that I should have left much sooner and drew the line in the sand because it would have saved me from a lot of abuse. I will always regret not doing that but I know this is a lesson and I learned from it to never take that from anyone again.

Another detail
by: Susan

To add another detail for anyone else reading my story, my former boss "X" is a business owner and owns the business were I worked at. Most of the time in the office it was just me and her - in a very small office.

The chosen Victim
by: Freedom

Right you are that your bully saw your vulnerability.

Bullies are very selective about choosing their victims. They don't want anybody who will fight back. They love victims that will turn the other cheek and take more abuse.

Unprofessional and nuts!
by: Anonymous

I, too, work for a small business and have seen and experienced deplorable behavior. People think they can do whatever they feel, because it is a small business, and there are supposedly no devastating consequences for the bully, as there would be in a big business or corporation.
Your former boss has no empathy or respect, and definite issues. I'm sure she will suffer the consequences of her disgusting actions, as decent people like you will eventually be driven to quit, and she will end up with no one or people without character and integrity. Word travels-I guarantee you are not the first one she treated like complete crap, and eventually karma will humble her. I am sorry you had to experience this while looking for your niche, that is a vulnerable place to be, I know. Do not compromise yourself, though. You sound like a nice person. Good luck.

Thank You
by: JessicaLouise

Thank you so much for telling your story. It has helped me to shed light on the behaviour of a much older male teacher, who treated me in a similar manner when I was a teenager, and more recently when I got back in touch with him in my thirties. There was no swearing, but the belittling, the contempt, and the general hatred were all there and your story has really hit home. Just like your ex boss, he could be so kind, so caring, even protective of me on a couple of occasions, back then, and more recently, and it was this duality that made me stick around/seek out his 'friendship' longer than I should have. So it's not that I have been to blame, but simply that he, like all bullies, was a master manipulator! What chance did a 16 year old naive kid have against the machinations of a 35 year old bully? He was very supportive of me in the beginning, and we got on very well, but over a few months he gradually turned abusive verbally, especially when he could not be stopped by a colleague or if in public, (usually in a classroom far away from his line manager) the verbal abuse was veiled but very present. It was being dropped so suddenly that was the shocker - you're left wondering what happened, where your 'friend' has gone, and it was this that prompted me to reconnect many years later, thinking that the friendship we had started out with when I was 16 could somehow be salvaged, because 'perhaps we had lost our way' Wrong! At first, just like last time, he was brilliant. But then, the mask began to slip again, and it culminated in an email similar to the one you got, basically ordering me never to contact him again, over some jumped up excuse that most people would think him insane for coming up with. Cont...

Thank You (Cont)
by: JessicaLouise

Cont: Politically stupid really, given that we work in similar fields, and have many mutual friends, all of whom I get on great with, and they with me. So he is likely to see me again at some point, the idiot! I don't care though, he is a potted plant as far as I am concerned, and I will be no more than civil, if we are at the same social function at any point. I am even more wary of him than I was before, and although I have still felt confused to this day over who he truly is (Jekyll or Hyde)your story has helped me to admit what I have really known all along! He was never a friend of mine, and never will be! That really hurts the naive 16 year old part of me who truly thought the world of him, because she was taken in by his act. The grown woman of 32 looks back and she knows he was not to be trusted. I believe it has been harder for me to break away because I was just a child when he taught me; had we met when I was an adult, I might not have felt so attached to him, and so it is my 16 year old self that I have had to work on emotionally, during the letting go process! The weird thing is that it's almost as if he got a kick out of hurting me- how anyone can be that callous and cruel to someone who thinks well of them is beyond me. Thank you again for your story!

To Jessica Louise- Thank you
by: Susan

Hi Jessica Louise,
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to know that there are others out there who have experienced what I have gone through. I am sorry that you were treated that way- especially at 16 and even at 30 when you got back in touch with him. Your story struck a lot of chords with me. Like your teacher X at first could be so kind and caring and then gradually would get abusive, pull away, and withdraw any friendship/ employment. That was the cycle. X like your teacher had a dual personality. To this day I think behind the mask she is a hateful, nasty person who can play nice for awhile- but can't keep it up as you get closer. Looking back I see possible reasons for X's behavior and that of your teacher: fear of getting close to people, insecurity, they were treated that way by someone in their life, and they are just manipulators and narcissistic. One time X told me, " I talk to you this way because my mother talked to me this way". I too stuck around far longer than I should have. I too have wondered were my "friend" has gone. Like your teacher I don't think X knows the meaning of friendship. Hopefully, karma will catch up with them one day. Stay strong Jessica Louise!

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