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Reached The End In Iowa

by Steve

My son is now 17 and is having to deal with someone bullying him and no one will do a thing.

Back when my son was 12 he wanted a birthday party, so we let him have one and invited some close friends and bring air soft guns, the type that shoot the little plastic BB's. One boy and another one got into a yelling match and the one boy pulled the other kids gun up to his face and said "SHOOT ME YOU PUSSY" when he pulled the gun it went off and he shot HIMSELF in the eye. Long story short after 3 years the parent sued us, we were found NOT GUILTY, the parents had 4 or 5 appeals but were denied.

Ever since the parents lost the case and appeals their son has been harassing our son in school and in public just enough to where the school or the police said they cant do a thing. Their son has come down to our house when our son was home trying to pick fights with him but when we called the police and they came down he was gone and we had no proof he was there and he had several in his car so it was our word against theirs so the police went to the parents and confronted them and they said THIER son wouldn't do that. So much for help from the police because we didn't have solid proof.

School is another story, the bully elbows him in school and our son would handle it himself BUT he does not want to be expelled from school and the bully could care less if he gets kicked out, so our son reports all of this with no real proof and the school called the mother of the bully but in turn she starts screaming at the school and all is slid under the table hoping it will just go away.

Our son leaves school with his girlfriend while the bully follows in his own car swerving at our son going down the hiway trying to make him go in the ditch, didn't happen on school property so they can't help (would they anyways?) the cops can't help because there is no proof (go figure). He (the bully) is pretty smart doing just enough to not get caught. We have contacted the school many times and the police but understand we get the same answer over and over… (we have no real proof) so where do you turn for help? The parents of the bully will not speak to us because in their eyes their son would not do or act like that. Our son is not afraid of the bully what so ever but can't do a thing about it in school because he would get expelled and he or us don't want that. Outside of school the bully usually has 3, 4 or 5 other with him at all times... Who is winning here? ummm not us by any means, pretty bad when we can't stop this and you watch your son be so depressed because you teach him to do the right thing to report things like this and it get put on the back burner of the school and the police department.

Now for the stupid part but the safety of my son and the parent in me took over, because of getting slapped in the face each and every time by the school, police AND the bully I the parent went to school, waited for the bully to come to his car and YES I confronted him asking him, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE? His response was (what, I am not doing nothing wrong). I told him to go 1 on 1 then with my son somewhere if that would end it, he still played stupid so I said if you have to have 4 or 5 guys with you well then I guess I will be involved and beat all your asses. Smart on my part? Not in the least but after all the above and no help from the people we THOUGHT could protect our son I snapped as a parent.

The thing that drove me over the edge was my son's girlfriend became pregnant by someone else and he dumped her so my son became friends with her and over the course of time they started dating, she had a son and my son took the role of Dad, here's were it gets really sick, driving down the road with his girlfriend and her 3 or 4 month old son the bully decided to try and SWERVE at him again... YEP you guessed it, cops can't do a thing because of NO PROOF... well while I was confronting the bully him and his friends made up a story and said that I had made a statement to the affect of I WOULD PUT A BULLET IN HIS (THE BULLY'S) HEAD... Oh my GOD!!! Life just turned to crap for me now, because they all have their stories I was charged with 1st degree harassment, was arrested and detained in jail over night and a 2000.00 bond.

No one would listen to me, I DID admit to going to the school, confronting him (it is on the schools camera) but I never said anything about a bullet... I bonded out of jail. I have to plead guilty or NOT guilty which I am going to plead NOT guilty but I can NOT afford a lawyer to fight this, I have a job, I work 48 hours a week and have bills just like everyone else and without a lawyer I am afraid I will lose and be jailed up to 6 month along with a 6000.00 fine. Did the bully and his parents just WIN? Thinking now they may have... was I smart in going to the school and confront him? Maybe not but I would do it again if it stops him from doing it to my son and anyone else's child... my son was depressed because he had to go to school, his grades dropped he became somewhat distant to us and I guess I was worried of what might happen to him if it got worse...

My question is, what do I do now ? I cant afford a lawyer for my case and I surely don't want to plead guilty? I and my family is going to suffer HARD because the system couldn't help us when we tried using it the way we were told to...

Thanks, Steve

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Comments for Reached The End In Iowa

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reached the end
by: Aura

Wow! I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
I agree bad move! Giving the bully the proof that he needed to cause you and your son, family pain!!
My only suggestion is to get proof, that family isn't going to stop until they have hurt yours like they think you have hurt their son.
Does your son have a phone that can record people talking and take pictures.
Do you have a camera that can record someone coming to the house.
You need proof can you go to someone to help your family protect themselves and can advise you what to do.
with a cellphone that take pictures your sons girlfriend can take photos of the bullys car should he be behind them. can you invest in a security camera.
Write down everything time date month.
what happened.
Police need proof give it to them.
Can you get a lawyer that do pro bono work. You know work for free.
Its worth checking it out.
This is worth fighting for!!!!!
Good Luck.

Reply to Reached the end in Iowa
by: Anonymous

I really feel for you and am sorry you are going through such a hard time.
Firstly, I say to all, Do not confront the Bully like this. It is not wise. You place yourself in a very bad position and open to allegations that you have committed an offence.
You should report assaults to Police at all times, and document the incidents - time, date, place, who said what; the demeanour, how you felt etc. You should also go see a professional - Doctor, Social Worker; someone with whom you can speak about the issues, which will then constitute proof at law that something is happening. The child should also get professional help. I do not know what age people can be charged in Iowa, I am from Australia, but here you can be charged with a criminal offence at 10 years of age.
The Public Defender (Duty Solicitor in Australia) will be able to help you. Contrary to popular belief, they are good Lawyers and will be able to guide you through the process.
Your child should certainly go to Police and tell them about the assaults. An assault does not have to be physical. It can also be verbal. If your child is harassed, intimidated, threatened or physically interfered with, then the offence of assault is made out.
If your child's health is suffering, then maybe your child should leave this setting and get a fresh start elsewhere. His or her health is the most important.
But definitely report the abuse.
If you ever want to confront a bully again, go with a witness and a video camera, to capture it. Videos don't lie.
Hope this helps.

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