Preschool Bullying
It May Come as a Shock to Many Parents
to Learn that Bullying Happens in Preschool
 |
| Anissa
Thompson |
By
Karen Kondor
If you and your child
are lucky enough to have avoided bullying to date,
you may be thinking, "What? Bullying exists at
the Preschool level?" However, if your child
has experienced bullying in a preschool setting (daycare,
preschool, play group, and so on), you know that unfortunately,
the answer is "Yes." In some cases, the
behavior is a precursor to more serious forms of bullying
that crop up during the school-aged year, but other
times, it is full-blown verbal, psychological or physical
bullying. Remember that there is a difference between
play, which builds imagination, develops coordination,
and teaches children about rules and responsibility,
and bullying, which is chronic, frequent behavior
that has, at its core, the intention to harm and intimidate.
So, what do you do if
your preschool aged child is being bullied? Here are
a few tips:
-
Talk with your
child. Let them know that you can't help them
unless you know about the situation. Listen to
their stories and feelings, while being non-judgemental
and calm. Remember that there are always two sides
to every story.
- Approach a caregiver at your
child's preschool setting. Ask her if she noticed
any inappropriate interactions between your child
and the bully. Tell her your side of the story,
and confirm the facts. Ask for her advice, and request
that they communicate your concerns with all caregivers
in the program. Follow up with any of the caregivers
a few days later to see if any conflicts occurred,
and ask them how they handled it.
- Work with the caregivers to
put an action plan into place. It may take anywhere
from several days to several weeks to determine
if there is a problem, and how severe the problem
is. When it becomes clear that a problem exists,
make an appointment to sit down with your child's
caregivers and develop a plan to resolve the conflicts.
The plan should include appropriate consequences,
notification of all parties involved (including
the bully's parents), and ways to encourage appropriate
behavior.
- Help your child develop friendships.
Find a child in the preschool setting that your
child is friendly with. Invite him and his parent(s)
to your home for a play date. Encouraging friendships
will prevent your child from becoming withdrawn,
which may result in increased instances of bullying,
since bullies like to bother children who are solitary.
And what if your child
is identified as the bully? Here are some things you
can do:
-
Don't deny
that there is a problem. Ignoring a problem rarely
makes it go away, and often exacerbates it. Your
child may not be entirely to blame; but he or
she is definitely part of the equation, and problems
can't be solved without all parts of the equation
being satisfied. Minimizing the importance of
the issue sends a message to your child that being
inconsiderate of other people's feelings is acceptable.
- Look for the source. Have
your child's speech and hearing checked to ensure
that he is not frustrated by not being able to communicate
easily. Give plenty of attention for good behavior
so that he doesn't feel as though he needs to act
out to get your attention. Ensure there is routine
in your child's day, and that he doesn't experience
too many changes in residence, routines and authority
figures. Reduce the number of aggressive examples
in your child's life -- violent examples in today's
society can only be blamed for our children's poor
behavior if parents let those examples be their
children's babysitters.
- Talk with your child.
Listen to their stories and feelings. Remember that
there are always two sides to every story. Document
specific aspects of the behaviour so that you have
the necessary information to help you and your child
to work towards a solution.
- Encourage and model empathy.
Bullies often lack the feeling of empathy. When
discussing specific incidents, ask your child to
put themselves in the other child's shoes. Use short,
clear sentences to describe how other children feel.
For example, "When you hit Billy, it hurts
him." Or, "How would you feel if Joey
called you names?"
- Brainstorm reparations and
focus on accountability. Ask your child to help
you understand what they did that caused harm to
another, and why they behaved in that manner. Then,
work with your child to develop meaningful ways
to show he or she is sorry for what they did. Simply
saying sorry is not enough; they must state what
they are sorry for, and what they are going to do
in the future to make amends.
Whether
your child is a bully or a target of bullying, the
way you handle the incidents will have a long term
effect on all of the parties involved. It may take
a great deal of time and effort on your part to prevent
preschool children from growing into school-aged bullies,
but it is worth it. You have the ability to reduce
the negative long-term effects of bullying which include,
but are not limited to depression, suicide, eating
disorders, substance abuse and school shootings. At
the same time, you can encourage an increase in the
incidence of respectful, caring and appropriate behavior,
which allows children to focus on the art of play
in their preschool years.
Karen Kondor is an elementary school
teacher, and a mom to three kids, ages 12, 10 and
10. She is also the leader of Circle of Friends Bullying
Support Group. Contact her at karen@overcomebullying.org,
or through www.overcomebullying.org.
TOP of Preschool Bullying
>> Return to
Youth and School Bullying
|
