Disclosure: If you make a purchase via a link on this site, I may receive a small commission, and as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. See the Disclosure page for more information. Thank you!
What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Am I A Bully?

I'm being bullied by a two headed snake. My doctor suggested that I avoid the bully as much as possible due to my pre-existing health issue, PTSD. So I only converse with the bully on work related matters.

Am I wrong not to participate in personal conversations with the bully?

Am I wrong to sometimes bring a friend/co-worker in a coffee and not the bully?

Am I wrong to have stopped saying 'good morning' to the bully after the bully never replied or acknowledged me, day after day?

Am I wrong for feeling threatened by the "B"? Do I have to pretend like I like "B", because I'm not like that. That's being 'two faced', like a snake. That's not me.

Am I wrong that I speak or am friends with other co-workers that have felt "B's" raft(they're aren't many who haven't)?

Is it wrong to support one other when "B" strikes at one of us or that we've tried together to figure this problem out ourselves, unsuccessfully because the boss isn't any help.

After talking with my boss (who the bully tried to get fired) Boss seemed helpful/concerned, now just says to ignore "B". Boss just starts rolling eyes at us and says things like 'just because you don't like "B". Now "B" is accusing us of bullying! It went to HR ("B" took it) and it got thrown out. Why? Bully has history of this kind of behavior."We're familar with 'B'". We're all told to 'just let it go, ignore "B", try to get along. That was it, nothing has changed.

I'm not a mean person. I don't like to do mean things to people. I even feel bad at the thought of the bully feeling bullied by me/us. Before I started avoiding "B" I did try talking to "B", it didn't work, made things worse. I stupidly told "B" about my sickness. "B" seemed so concerned, I fell for it. Now "B" uses my PTSD triggers against me. I've had to leave work it got so bad.

I don't know how to proceed. I don't trust the bully. I shake around "B". I dream of "B". It's awful. It's controlling me.

A small example of "B". A co-worker brought me a coffee as a thank you. "B" said to worker "Where's mine? Why don't you ever bring me one?" Worker brought "B" one in the next day, told me "I was scared "B" would go after me if I didn't, it's easier this way."

Am I a bully for not bringing "B" a coffee? Did I do something wrong by adhering to my morals/standards? I've never told anyone not to talk to "B". When asked about "B" I tell co-workers, I don't have a problem with "B" and drop the subject. I do feel awful that this is going on, I can't believe I'm part of it, why, how? The work environment is toxic. How do I protect myself from "B"? And I'm really angry, hurt and confused that I might be a bully too. It makes me sick to my stomach to think I am.

So Confused.

Comments for Am I A Bully?

Click here to add your own comments

Am I a bully
by: Aura

No!!! your not a BULLY, I think you did everything to keep yourself safe. Its unfortunate that "B" did not learn from the experience of what it was like to be ignored.
You are not a bully. "B" won't get it unless someone has the balls to tell him what he is.
If people chose to ignore him, not speak to him or buy him a coffee then thats their choice, that has nothing to do with you.
So stop thinking about himn and move on life is far too short to waste any more of your life thinking about him.
I think you are angry that you felt you had to leave your job because of him, but thats what you needed to do to keep safe, It was your choice to leave your job, so why don't you congradulate yourself. and tell yourself whew! that was a close call and that it was a brave thing to do.
Move on do not give him anymore of your precious time and enjoy looking for a new job. kia kaha (Be strong) to Mana Wahine toa ( you are a strong woman) It took strength to do what you did, good luck.

Seek professional help!
by: Anonymous

It sounds to me like you are dealing with a sociopath. Try to get professional help... not for him/her, but for yourself! If you are now out of his reach, it might be recommendable for you to stay away, but if by any means you feel up for it, try to ask a professional if you should try to challenge this person's job function. I feel as if these crazy people should not be allowed to terrorize the rest of us, relatively, normal people. I feel sorry for this "B", but I feel even more sorry for you, but I also feel sorry for the next person in line after you, who has to endure this sociopath.

by: Anonymous

No you're not a bully. Your work should pick up on any of your concerns in supervision and address them, if they are ignoring the problem they are not being professional. Keep doing what you're doing and keep on reporting it, no one should feel un-safe in their workplace

I'm being accused of bullying.
by: Anonymous

There is woman that I work with who is trying to get me fired by going to HR and telling them that I am a bully. I have done nothing to this person except avoid her because we don't get along. If I write anything and scribble it out I am right away writing it about her and being mean, in her eyes. I don't have enough time in my day to think that much about her. I don't talk my coworkers about her and when they bring her up I say I don't want to talk about her. When I went to work today I was given a final for not being a team player. All this woman wants to do is make my life a living hell until I quit or get fired. What can I do? She already has HR and my boss's boss involved. I feel like if i do get terminated because of this woman I will sue because there is no grounds.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Workplace Bullying Stories.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.