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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know
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Asking For Advice...

by Bullied But Headstrong, Forthright And Determined
(Saint Louis, MO, USA)

After a decade of bullying by one coworker, with the covert aid of the department manager, it is still escalating. I am tired of getting dirty looks from people I don't even know and have never spoken with. I am tired of people never just coming to me and asking whether what they have heard is true. I am tired of the department manager clearly condoning and even rewarding the behavior of the bully. I am tired of the department manager as well as the original bully trying so hard to set me up for failure. At least one, if not both, will lie when I do not fail despite the numerous road blocks placed in my path.

I do not feel comfortable with HR as a resource as I do not believe that they would have my best interest at heart. I need advice on how to approach this in a way that will not backfire on me. I might try a slander suit except that every thing is said behind my back and I am never confronted with it to allow for me to present my side. The department manager ensures that no one speaks to you about anything including those things that directly affect your job (convenient isn't it).

Could I prove that this has affected my pay and benefits? Very likely I could. As it is escalating there are those that are seeing the humiliation part of it now. It is no longer covert. I do not believe that anyone would stand up for me though. In court or in the HR office. I don't blame them as we all need our jobs right now.

Understand, I am not a mouse and can stand up for myself. I stood up to the original bully to his face though logically and with a cool head. This only served to put it all behind my back. I can and will stand up against the wishes of the department manager when he wants me to do something that could potentially harm my position. I have honesty and integrity and will not just ignore the actual facts (when the empirical data does not fit the theory just throw out the empirical data, right?). I don't really know if the department manager is aiding and abetting or actually dictating the original slime that has been spewed forth against me.

I seriously need assistance on how to approach resolving this with HR or what would be required for a slander/defamation of character suit.

Comments for Asking For Advice...

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to: Asking for Advice
by: Lar

...I don't know where to begin ?

Your bullying experience mirrors what I endured for four years, I am not veteran of ten like you.

The fact that you are still intact after a decade says a lot about your fortitude. But it also takes a heavy toll.

Like most of the others in this site, the common thread is, finally recognizing that bullying is really abuse.

No one asks to be bullied, and no one wants to be bullied, yet in this aggressive culture, bullies are rewarded, and those that expose the truth are punished.

The very fact that you dont "play the game", puts you clearly in their sights. They can't stand the fact that you are not like them, they hate you because you have the one thing they don't and never will, integrity.

Internal help is non-existent, HR is there to protect the status quo, nothing more, and when and if you do complain, it falls on deaf ears, or on the ears of the perpetrator(s).

I resigned from the job and work I enjoyed, and was very good at, because of the immaturity of these narrow minded people.

Most of the time at my job I was answering false accusations and responding to innuendo and lies, it was unbelievable and unbearable. It usually was personal attacks on my character. Through all of that, I never said anything about anyone else. It was relentless, and finally I had had enough, and resigned.

No one deserves to be bullied or abused, and as far as I am concerned, bullying is criminal behaviour.

The fact that you came to this site and asked for advice says that you understand how insidious bullying is.

If I were to advise, I would say, trust yourself and your instincts.

There are still a few of us left that actually treat each other in a civil manner and respect others for who they are.

I hope your situation improves and you find the place where you can be the person you need to be.

Life is far too short to be sucked into a negative vacuum.
Cut your losses
by: Anonymous

Simply put, leave. I speak from almost 15 years of experience. You cannot and should not have to change or fix these people. Your time on this earth is precious and should not be wasted on these morons. Preserve your sanity and self worth. Go somewhere where you can be an asset. Or better yet, start your own business. Above all, do not go to HR! This will most likely make things worse. I'm sorry for your plight. It is grossly unfair. Turn this negative situation into a positive one for yourself. You are worth it!
get the book Mobbing
by: susan

The book Mobbing in the workplace - i got it on Amazon. Get it and read it. There will be more and more laws against this in the work place. Document everything. Get a lawyer.
If you don't feel up to all this , then move on to a new job - i know easier said than done - I know. The bullies will not stop. A hatred takes over them - it is born of jealousy and their incompetency. It is evil. You are strong and a good fighter. read that book.

Here's the link: Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace

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