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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Attention-Seeking Bully Is After My Daughter!

by KZimmer
(Lancaster, CA)

My daughter is being bullied. She is smart, athletic, pretty, well-behaved, and kind. The teachers at school—a small, private, Christian one—have always liked her. A girl in her class seems to want to be the center of attention. Starting in 5th grade, this girl started being really mean to my daughter. I went to the teacher—nothing. Sixth grade was horrendous; my daughter came home in tears from the harassment. Again, I went to the teacher—nothing.

The girl started telling lies about my daughter. By the end of the year, my daughter wanted us to take her out of the school. We worked very hard over the summer to build her up and teach her how to deal with this. She started standing up to the girl. The girl stopped harassing my daughter to her face but continued the lies. Every close friendship that my daughter tries to have this girl is right there wedging herself in and destroying the friendship. By the end of seventh grade, I went to the teacher again.

The teacher called the girl in and talked with her and my daughter. The girl admitted that she did not like my daughter and was purposely being mean. However, there were no consequences and no call to her parents. The parents inserted themselves in the drama a few years back and were harassing my daughter, too, esp. in sports. Eighth grade was bad, too. The girl took my daughter's best friend away, continued to tell lie after lie all the while playing the victim, worked to ruin our reputation. My daughter didn't make the first string in softball because the girl's parents are friends with coaches a school staff member told us.

The school wouldn't do anything because the parents volunteer at the school and church—which was all very calculated. Mom had said that the only way to succeed at the school was to play politics and volunteer so they started playing the game a couple of years ago. The girl has her parents wrapped around her finger; mom has flat out said that her daughter does not lie. This girl is very good at manipulation. She is sickly sweet to adults and teachers; she is very helpful. She is very good at playing the victim and uses tears to get her way.

I found an interesting article about the types of bullies; one was the attention seeking bully. It described this girl to a T. The mom has gone to many families at the school bad mouthing us. She doesn't go to people in the class because these people know the girl and she is not liked. Funny thing is: the mom was the same exact way growing up—a mean, lying bully. There are adults who have seen what goes on and who know this family who can back us up.

It is sad the damage that one girl's lies and manipulation can do. The things that go on at small, private schools are astonishing. We are now trying to figure out high school because we want our daughter away from this girl.

Comments for Attention-Seeking Bully Is After My Daughter!

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Reply to Attention-Seeking Bully is after my Daughter
by: Anonymous

I feel for your circumstances.
You have been to the school and have received no help. I advise you to get a Lawyer and to sue the parents for defammation. In addition, you can also tell the school that they have a duty of care to your daughter as well. Start a Statement and detail all of the incidents, who you spoke to, what was said, what action was or was not taken. Take your daughter to the Doctor or Psychologist and get her to tell her story. This way you will have objective evidence that will assist you.
Finally, I would take my daughter out of this school and place her in another one. She has suffered enough.
As a Solicitor - in Australia - I have found that once a lawsuit is foreshadowed, behaviour changes. Do not back down. Your daughter has handled everything the way you have taught her to, with dignity and self-respect. It is time now for some stronger action.
I hope this helps you.
All the best

Similar situation for our family
by: Klarity Belle

I feel for what you are going through because my family is living through a similar hell. We are in a small uk community. My youngest d 13 was targeted by an attention seeking bully shortly after starting secondary school. The bully started her campaign because my d had the guts to stand up to her and say she would not tolerate her behaviours. Very similar story to yours. She was adept at manipulation tactics and her weapons were rumours and lies, put downs, sabotaging relationships with others and proxy recruitment.

In the end my d could trust no-one within her school peer group. After 18 months of this treatment she broke down, and could no longer attend school. I took her out of there and she has been recovering at home since - she was suicidal, not eating or sleeping at the very worst point. Slowly with support she is healing but is still very withdrawn and socially avoidant. She has a few family friends which I try to keep her seeing at weekends.

It has been a nightmare trying to get adequate support from the education system who are not interested in what she has been through but are mad at me for taking my child out of school - it is ridiculous, no wonder we lose so many teenagers every year to bullycide. As parents we stand up for our kids and then we too are persecuted - it makes my blood boil.

I have an interview in an hour to fill in admission papers for a new school for my d which she will start in september. How I will support her past the chronic anxiety and school phobia to get her through the school gates I do not know.

I hope you are able to find a new school for your daughter. Young manipulators like this are future diagnosable personality disorders and do not change (only worsen) in my opinion and the best action would be to remove your daughter from the abuse into a school with a firm and effective anti-bulling policy and regular relational education programme, where she will be able to recover with the right support.

Good luck to us both - I really get it :)

Further Reply Attention-Seeking Bully
by: Anonymous

I agree with the other respondent who has experienced a similar situation. I was the victim at my school and wish that my parents had taken me out of that environment. I still bear the emotional scars to this day.
I developed mental health issues and it took a very long time to stabilise. To this day I find it difficult to go back to my old neighbourhood, where my mother still lives and do not go to my Church, except on rare occasions because the bullies go there. They have not changed, but I have. They have not done very well in their lives and I have gone on to bigger and better things. I am a Solicitor, have a wonderful husband and children and now Grandchildren. The bullies cannot hurt me now and they seek my approval. I am civil and polite to them. When they try with their snide remarks to put me down, I smile and remain civil and polite.
With your help your daughters will become well again and they will also learn that they have much potential and much to give to society and to others.
I applaud your efforts with your children. It will make a huge difference to their health and emotional well-being. Well done.
I am interested in how you fair. Please let me know.
Still thinking of you and continue to wish you and your respective families, and all the other families suffering from bullying all the best.

Toxic best friend revealed
by: Anonymous

My daughter is very similar to yours, outgoing, pretty, super nice and athletic, with great grades. She started a new school this year and has had a horrific time making new friends, which I thought was so strange; she usually makes friends quickly and is well-liked. Her best friend from preschool attends here. She is like one of my own kids and I was grateful that my d had at least one friend. After some time, only this one child would speak to my d. After some research, we learned the shocking truth that this girl was at the root of my d's problems. She would tell her friends and anyone who will listen that my d is not worth knowing & isn't nice. This fact has been volunteered by many, including some boys, but the girl denies it all. She repeatedly begs to come over & hang out, and always seems to know where my d is and what she's doing. She comes from very little means and knows I always take care of her. She is a highly attention-seeking child but I never thought she had this propensity. Based on the extensive knowledge I now have & my d's inability to make new friends past superficial hello's tells me the rumors are true. It's so hurtful that she would do this to a true friend. My d would never hurt this child, despite what she has done. I believe it is this girl's way of ensuring she has my d all to herself. Sadly the damage has been done and continues and there's not a whole lot we can do to undo it now. My d now distances herself, and interacts with this child only minimally, just to get by in the classes they share together. I wish there was more I could do to help.

Attention seeking bullies
by: Anonymous

Hi I'm not sure if I'm late to comment but I'm also having the same problem with both my daughter's now. My eldest is 12 and at secondary school and was doing so well and so happy then her little group of four girls had a falling out and went different ways. My daughter chose to go with her friend who was being left out the most and since then all hell broke loose!! They've turned so many girls against her all because she won't join them and leave the other girl out. The ringleader when questioned by the teacher just cries and they end up feeling sorry for her but then few minutes later is up to her old tricks and being spiteful and making nasty comments. My daughter's best friend is playing nasty games and making out my daughter has upset her when she hasn't said anything. They hid her shoe in person today, why can't they just leave her alone. My daughter is getting so upset and I'm a nervous wreck waiting for her to get home!! My youngest daughter is being lied about by a girl in her year just because she doesn't want to play with her anymore, this girl is so nasty and makes up lies all the time. My youngest daughter is so sweet and caring but has finally had enough of her lies and told her she can't play with her anymore. This girl has been such a nuisance!! She was constantly knocking round when I told her my daughter didn't want to go out and then trying to message her through social media. She does not listen when you tell her not to call because it's late. She has the nerve to come up to me in the school and tell me that my daughter is being nasty when she's not she just wants to be left alone by her. I've given this girl the benefit of the date so many times but she is constantly causing trouble. She threatened a to tell the teacher that my daughter is being nasty to her when she just doesn't want to play. So fed up with all this!! To make matters worse her older sister is one of the girls bullying my older daughter!!

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