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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Education Consultant

by Jackie
(London, England)

I have worked for company for 6 years. My boss has always seemed to dislike me and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to change this. He blames me for not being good enough in most areas of my performance but doesn't have any evidence and also does this through a system of 'local line management' made up of 2 employees who do as they are told unquestioningly.

I used to react against him, reason to him that he was treating me unfairly and make challenges to what to me seemed like unfair decisions. I was always told I was challenging 'inappropriately', and always silenced.

On a two occaisions he has almost given me an official wanring, but because I sent him a letter from a lawyer asking for a clear and transparent process he withdrew. He has also directly threatened me to improve my performance in reaching billing targets. When I did so this year, exceeding all others in the company it was neither acknowledged or rewarded. I was the only person not to receive a payrise.

Because I decided some time ago to stop confronting him as he is the director and not moderated by anyone, he has started to use more subtle and indirect means to attack me, such as making negative inferred references to me to my friend at work. He apparantly said the other day that he thinks I am resentful I did not receive a payrise (although have not communicated this to management) and that the issue was not billing, but billing of quality, therefore inferring to a colleague personal information re salary as well as implying to her I was underperforming.

I am looking for another job, but don't seem to have much luck and have ongoing anxiety, depression and panic attacks as a result of what feels like continual attack and intimidation. He has also threatened not to write me a decent reference which makes me anxious about my future employability.

I feel helpless, alone and quite desperate for this situation to either improve or end. There are no HR at work, and if there was they would be directly controlled by him. He once told me there was no point in challenging a decision formally as he was the person who would be investigating my complaint.

Comments for Education Consultant

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by: Solange

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Sounds like this director is not attacking you but is attacking some projection from himself that he does not like. Think of it like a movie. You haven't done anything wrong, but he targets you because maybe you remind him of someone who hurt his feelings when he was a little boy. That image is in his head, and he projects it on you making you "guilty" of something he perceives is true but has nothing to do with what is actually happening. That's projection and you will never convince him that that is actually the case.

Instead of making yourself sick over this guy, maybe you could try this. Picture him as a small child whose feelings have been hurt. You come by and you pick that imaginary child up and soothe his fears. You feel love for him. When you have that feeling in your mind, switch the image to your boss. Everytime you see the guy or even think of him, spend at least a few seconds projecting love back to him.

It takes some practice for this to work, but when it does, situations change for the better. You can't change this guy, but you can change the way you look at him. After all, how do you know that what I have just written about isn't the truth? Also, you can't change him, but you can love yourself enough to stay healthy, even in an unhealthy situation like this. Best wishes to you!

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