I Am Not A Parent, But A Bullying Survivor

by Kara
(Connecticut)

I am not a parent, however I am a survivor of bullying and thought I'd give my point of view. I was "the fat kid" in class, I'm not kidding I weigh the same as I did in second grade (122 lbs). I was tormented every single day, always played by myself, virtually had no friends. My parents talked and talked and talked to the school, nothing was resolved. I begged my parents to homeschool me but they wouldn't out of fear of "lack of socialization" and "not learning as much." and "running away from problems." Bullying does not "build character" it is VIOLENCE, and it is not a "right of passage." Would you encourage a domestic violence victim to stay with an abusive boyfriend b/c it "builds character" and leaving would be "running away from her problems" to say that home school is isolating and not a good alternative to a hostile school environment is like saying that being single is too "isolating" as opposed to a woman leaving an abusive boyfriend, would you encourage her to stay? Most likely not, so why should a child stay with their batterers? Adult victims of violence have an advantage, they are allowed to leave!

I know it seems like an extreme step but please hear me out. You probably have similar concerns to my parents, I can guarantee you that your child is not getting socialization in such a hostile environment. All it teaches them is that they are not worthy of respect, it's their fault for not having enough witty comebacks and that they must "not be dealing with it correctly", and that they must be so "disgusting" for someone to be bullying them. This makes the victim blame themselves! As for the concerns of not learning as much from home schooling, I can guarantee you your child is learning little if at all while in school. Their focus will not be on history and math lessons, they are focusing on where they going to go to avoid bullies once that bell rings, and how she can best be invisible. Trust me, she will learn much more being home schooled! Home schooled kids can join karate, dance, music lessons etc, and there are home schooled meetup groups pretty much everywhere these days.

I now am being treated for bulimia nervosa. I have seriously thought for years that I don't deserve to be well if I'm not "pretty" or "thin" enough. It's even gotten so bad sometimes that I wouldn't drink water out of fear of getting fat. I feel this could have been avoided had I been allowed to be home schooled and be away from the bullies. Fighting this wretched disease is a constant uphill battle, and my mother has admitted to me that she made a mistake not letting me get home schooled b/c I'm starting out my young life in the hospital when I should be starting out my career (yes I was hospitalized for this), and she is suffering from tremendous guilt as well.

You don't want your child to end up like me, but if you have tried doing everything to resolve it and nothing is getting done, please I beg you to consider home schooling them. If it doesn't work out, you can always send them back. Eating disorders can be fatal! Some bullied victims even commit suicide. Do you want to risk losing your child? Keep sending them to school.