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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

I Am Not A Parent, But A Bullying Survivor

by Kara

I am not a parent, however I am a survivor of bullying and thought I'd give my point of view. I was "the fat kid" in class, I'm not kidding I weigh the same as I did in second grade (122 lbs). I was tormented every single day, always played by myself, virtually had no friends. My parents talked and talked and talked to the school, nothing was resolved. I begged my parents to homeschool me but they wouldn't out of fear of "lack of socialization" and "not learning as much." and "running away from problems." Bullying does not "build character" it is VIOLENCE, and it is not a "right of passage." Would you encourage a domestic violence victim to stay with an abusive boyfriend b/c it "builds character" and leaving would be "running away from her problems" to say that home school is isolating and not a good alternative to a hostile school environment is like saying that being single is too "isolating" as opposed to a woman leaving an abusive boyfriend, would you encourage her to stay? Most likely not, so why should a child stay with their batterers? Adult victims of violence have an advantage, they are allowed to leave!

I know it seems like an extreme step but please hear me out. You probably have similar concerns to my parents, I can guarantee you that your child is not getting socialization in such a hostile environment. All it teaches them is that they are not worthy of respect, it's their fault for not having enough witty comebacks and that they must "not be dealing with it correctly", and that they must be so "disgusting" for someone to be bullying them. This makes the victim blame themselves! As for the concerns of not learning as much from home schooling, I can guarantee you your child is learning little if at all while in school. Their focus will not be on history and math lessons, they are focusing on where they going to go to avoid bullies once that bell rings, and how she can best be invisible. Trust me, she will learn much more being home schooled! Home schooled kids can join karate, dance, music lessons etc, and there are home schooled meetup groups pretty much everywhere these days.

I now am being treated for bulimia nervosa. I have seriously thought for years that I don't deserve to be well if I'm not "pretty" or "thin" enough. It's even gotten so bad sometimes that I wouldn't drink water out of fear of getting fat. I feel this could have been avoided had I been allowed to be home schooled and be away from the bullies. Fighting this wretched disease is a constant uphill battle, and my mother has admitted to me that she made a mistake not letting me get home schooled b/c I'm starting out my young life in the hospital when I should be starting out my career (yes I was hospitalized for this), and she is suffering from tremendous guilt as well.

You don't want your child to end up like me, but if you have tried doing everything to resolve it and nothing is getting done, please I beg you to consider home schooling them. If it doesn't work out, you can always send them back. Eating disorders can be fatal! Some bullied victims even commit suicide. Do you want to risk losing your child? Keep sending them to school.

Comments for I Am Not A Parent, But A Bullying Survivor

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Appaluse for the Bullying Survivor!
by: Rosalea from Kansas

I applaud you Kara for an absolutely outstanding letter of why NOT to keep your bullied child in school. This ought to be mandatory reading for every parent who has a child who is a target.

thank you rosalea
by: Kara

thanks rosalea, just remember folks just because your child wasn't bullied for their weight, it doesn't mean they cannot develop an eating disorder, au contraire. People develop eating disorders as a way to cope with a painful situation in their life, and bullying whether its about your weight or not can certainly do that. Also just because it doesn't come right away doesn't mean it can't come years later (I didn't develop one right away), eating disorders can be fatal, remember that when your considering keeping your child in school. With eating disorders, they either recover, or they die.

Bully survivor
by: Aura

I think you are such a brave person,and everything you say is so true. For some of us we cannot move to another school. there is only one school in the area that we live in.
But as a grandparent I will certainly keep a close eye on the wellbeing of my grandsons ESPECIALLY THEIR MENTAL WELLBEING. And I will take note of all that you have written. I would not like my grandsons to endure all the uglyness that you have had to endure. School should be a place where the children should feel safe and secure. without these children cannot learn. And that! I hold the school responsible. I thank you very much for your honesty and brave heart.
Thank you I wish you all the best for your future
take care and kia kaha (BE STRONG).

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