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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

I Don't Know How To Describe My Ex-Boss

Maybe I'm just being paranoid but even now my head starts to pound.

It started a couple of months ago. I was looking for a job. okay..desperate for a job. almost 50..laid off for almost a year. A friend of a friend of a friend..you get the drift. introduced me to an independent marketing adviser.

In hindsight; the red flags were there staring at me.at the 1st meeting held very informally.prospective boss proceeds to tell me about his last 5 assistants..all whom he had sacked because they created the problem not him. The rest of the interview was about him not his co. Even went as far as to say that he was a consummate liar and a person who preyed on the weaknesses of others. Yes I'm that dumb and desperate.

Hoping against hope....I was naive enough to think it could work since I would be working from home thus communicating with him remotely. He said the job was mine but COULDN'T tell me when to start. It went on for a couple of months, again I'm dumb as I was the one emailing him all the time. The fact that he was hesitant to commit should have told me something.

Not an excuse but finances running low; I was relieved when he agreed to commit after a 2nd meeting that took 5 hours of him talking about himself not about the company. Oh he also mentioned that I looked like a maid, my hair was all wrong and I had no hope of getting a husband; he also said he wouldnt be surprised if I jumped off a cliff. I NEEDED A JOB so I kept quiet.

I kept telling him that if he was ever unhappy with my work; he should be direct with me. My 1st task given by him - to find him an office....found it and even got something within his budget..he came, he saw (with his mom), he said he doesn't need an office. Said he wanted to buy the apartment next to his and convert it to an office. Didn't happen as far I know. I was happy I got to work from home.

First two weeks were okay. Then the mood swings started..inconsistency..he would tell me to do Task A. Halfway completing task A; he would call me from GOD ALONE KNOWS WHERE on earth and ask me why I was doing task A and that he wanted task B to be done. For some reason he had a thing against women, He always referred to the women around him as bi@@@@. Always complaining of the people he met and how he would make sure they got into trouble at their workplace. Then came the appointments - when I fixed an appointment he would be ecstatic. I would remind him of the appointment the day before...his reaction would be :

i. cancel it ....I dont think I'm interested to go. I dont want to waste my time. (these meetings involved VPs, GM etc)

ii.postponement - takes place 2 hours before the appointment.

iii. he was very abusive of the people he was about to meet - mainly women - referred to them as bi@@@@; how he was going to nail each and every one of them etc.

There was even an incident whereby HE wanted to fix an appointment with the client himself but didn't and there was a whole mix-up where I of course got the blame.

Then the silent treatment - One day he called me out of the blue and asked me to meet him in 30 mins - I said I couldn't at that moment but could we make it later. Guess it was the wrong thing to say...he ignored me for 3 days...no calls, no instructions and never replied my emails. This of course happened many many times - every time I did not agree to something he wanted. By this time, my pals, my family were screaming at me to get out.

I would prepare a list of things for him to attend to (with his permission); he would agree then not to do it. I had to chase him for it.

Anyways I stuck it out till the end of 1 month - everyone was telling me to throw in the towel. Even I could see I was heading for a disaster.

On 31/12/15; he calls me up and tells me he needs to meet up with me to get a couple of docs done. I said ok, I waited and waited and waited till 5pm; sent him a text no reply. Sent him an email on whether or not I should proceed without him on other matters....no response at all.

All was silent till 4/1 ....day of disaster......I got a call from him at 12.00 noon - my mistake - I didnt pick it up as I was in the supermarket...well you can imagine what happen..he kept his finger on my number - probably speed dial...8 missed calls....I guess I should have answered. I knew he was ticked off so I hurriedly sent him a text saying I would call him back asap. BIG MISTAKE. Texted back that I should call him back immediately or else.

I called him, he screamed bloody murder at me.....I was shaking, literally having a panic attack from this guy's poison. What spewed from his mouth .......I still shudder when I think of it.....".dont you ever tell me that you will call me back, I own you, you are nothing, you are nothing.....I can pay ten times what I'm paying you and get the best, I picked you up....you are finished if I sack you.....you have nothing......you need me I dont need you......I've been watching you....on and on he went." By the end of the day; I had a migraine, a swollen face and a racing heart.

I'm afraid I'm rather a peaceful person, one who doesn't like confrontations and ugly situations. I tried to tell him that if that's the way he felt about me....its ok I resign (by the way...I was never issued a contract or anything in black or white). He never let me put in a word at all and hung up on me. So I sent him an email apologising for not picking up the phone as well as asking for clarification on certain statements he had said. He never replied.

The next day his mom calls...that's right his mom!!! Asking me if I wanted to work or not? If I wanted to work I would have to meet his Lordship in 3 days time to discuss matters'. I said its ok I'm just too shocked and I cant work for someone like that. By 7pm I received an email telling me I was sacked and already replaced.

Squashing every desire to hurl insults at him; instead I told him that I had tried to tell him that I resigned before he hung up. I also stated that I wished he had spoken up earlier about his unhappiness about the way I did things before every thing got ugly. Even wished him good tidings for the new year. His reply - a sarcastic EXCELLENT!

I know what everyone's saying - its my fault.I knew what he was like.but I truly hope what happened to me does not happen to anyone else. Its nearly a week and I still shudder from this man's verbal attack. Fear, yes I am fearful of this man's poison and thirst for spitefulness/revenge.

Of course since then his mom has made sure all mutual acquaintances are aware that her son had to fire me. I am back where I started...unemployed with no hope and since we live in the same suburb..you can imagine the gossip.

I worked hard to prove myself to him. Sometimes emailing him reports at 2 and 3 am in the morning. I was so desperate to earn his respect and keep the job.

Now, I feel empty lost rejected and humiliated. I cant bring myself to leave my home or even get up to do anything.

If you've been through something like this.....I sure would appreciate ....

Being Bullied at Work?
What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Comments for I Don't Know How To Describe My Ex-Boss

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Deja vu
by: Anonymous

I think your ex-boss and my ex-boss would get on well - or not. They have a lot in common.
Please don't feel like it is your fault or that somehow you could have done better.
I have also written on this site - "Bullied by Stealth" a couple of years ago.
I also live in the same town as my ex-boss and even now I don't want to bump into him, so I avoid going to the local shops.
I was employed by my ex-boss for 13 years and then one day he stood over me ranting and raving loudly and shaking his finger, like he couldn't control himself. I had no choice but to leave. I haven't heard from any of my co-workers since and there was about 12 of them. I was 51.
I'm sure you are a wonderful person, who unfortunately found out that there are really horrible people out there who don't care about anyone else but themselves and enjoy making others uneasy.
Hold you head high and be grateful that he is no longer in your life.

RE: Describe Ex Boss
by: Anonymous

Did you file for unemployment benefits after being fired? As long as you had proof he was paying you, (deposited checks) you should be able to file. In this situation you probably thought it gave you more freedom working from home. But, you should have treated each workday as a workday with set hours you would work, be on lunch and be on a break with the boss agreeing to your work schedule. That way you could ask for overtime pay if working at 3am, and be okay shopping at noon, during lunch break -not answering the phone. The boss took advantage because no hours were set.

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