Manicurist And Florist

by Susan
(Calif.)

I don't have a dramatic story. Off and on, all my life I have been bullied a little by a few domineering people. I found it hard to stick up for myself which made things worse. I always thought that when I got out of school that it would end.

But in the work place it happened more. At first when I was young and inexperienced I was left alone. But over time as my skills in floral design and then in manicuring grew, I started to experience problems with a few people again in various beauty salons. I blamed myself for being too serious, or dedicated to work, or something, anything I was doing to provoke people. Great depression and loss of confidence resulted. I further and further isolated myself socially and even with family, feeling that no one likes me really.

A few years ago I tried to break away from doing nails or flowers and went to a class for veterinarian tech training. I did well in class, absolutely loved the work, and the animals. Was told I was a "natural". But when I got a job at the local veterinarian clinic in my town, I was immediately singled out and bullied by almost all of the girls there. They hated me on first sight. It was a very toxic atmosphere. They laughed at me for having any tenderness for the animals. I only lasted for 3 days there. I was heart-broken -- I love doing that kind of work and I know I can be very good at it, but am too scared and scarred to go back there. It is the only vet clinic in this town to work at. That traumatized me horribly.

I went back to doing nails in salons. It was ok, but I didn't want to. I got bullied again, a little bit by a few people, further eroding my self-respect and any trust in people which is a torment. Now I have quit and only do nails for a few of my favorite customers in my home. But I am bored and lonely, but too scared to follow my dreams. I always wanted to be a vet or a nurse, as I am good in all things medical, but I don't have the confidence to do it. There will just be more bullies around, which I do not feel up to dealing with.

I am almost 50 years old now and can't believe that I cannot handle myself with confidence or poise. I never thought that I would be like this. And I have been brave and tough in my life with other things, but somehow I cannot handle bullies, and they know it.