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My 5 Year Old Is Being Bullied By My Best Friend's 8 Year Old

by Rebeccadz
(Arizona)

My son is 5 years old and is being bullied by my best friend's 8 year old son. I just don't know what to do. We noticed it with words in the beginning when we went on a vacation trip to San Diego a few months ago. He would say mean things to my son like "you're being annoying" when my son was doing nothing but watching tv.

At one point he kick my son and my daughter came to tell me what happened. I spoke with my friend and she said she talked to him but since then we had not really gotten our families together 'til recently. Just the other day I went to visit my friend and her son was really nice and asked my son to go and play. So I stupidly thought things were gonna be better. Well then my son came out crying and my friend's son was saying I don't know whats wrong. When I asked my son what was wrong he said nothing. Well he just sat by me the whole time. Right away I felt something was wrong. So we left.

It wasn't 'til we were in the car is when he told me what happened. My friend's son sprayed Axe cologne in his eyes and punch him in the stomache. Then he smacked my son with a pair of underwear in his face. My son asked him "What did you do that for?" and he responded with "shut your mouth". When my son told me all this I was in shock that a 8 year old child could be so mean but I just listened with my heart breaking. He continued to tell me he pulled his pants down and laughed at his underwear and he gave him a wedgie. I wanted to cry but I didn't.

I right away called my friend. She apologized and said she was embarrassed. I told her my son was no longer going to her house because he was scared of her son. I told her I wanted her son to know that we knew what was happening and it was no longer going to happen and it was going to stop today! She told me that she spoke to her son and let him know that his behavior was not acceptable. But I just don't feel satisfied with that.

Is there something else I should do? I feel so upset and broken hearted. I just feel like more should be done. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Comments for My 5 Year Old Is Being Bullied By My Best Friend's 8 Year Old

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It's a puzzlement
by: Paul Drakeford

The 8-year-old boy obviously has a problem. Does he have any friends? Is he himself being bullied by older boys? Is his bullying a kind of revenge? There is no mention of his father. Is he lacking a dad? Does he not have a male role model? He doesn't seem to understand the obligations of friendship. Rather than discipline he needs some sympathetic counselling.

And the 5-year-old needs to understand the problem too. He needs to know it is not his fault. That it is the older boy's problem, not his.
Responding to the comment
by: Anonymous

He has both parents in the picture. He is very popular at school. He is the youngest of four kids. His father got defensive saying who was gonna defend his child. I was just amazed at the response. They said they didn't want to discipline him until confessed to what he did. At this point I don't think that's gonna happen. I did tell my son that no one should be treated this way and that it was not his fault or anything he did. Thanks for your comment.
response to 5 year old bullied
by: Anonymous

My daughter has been bullied for two years by her friend / child of our family friend. They would play quietly together most of the time and we just let it go. For two months recently the other girl has been very aggressive and cruel to my daughter. What my husband and I didn't realize is that we should have absolutely put an end to the relationship a long time ago. It was hard b/c they are family friends and it was easy. However, everything I have read says "don't talk to the other parent" none the less, we did and it resulted in a similar response to your experience--despite the face that their other children are in trouble for bullying and that the child who harasses my daughter has done it to several other children. I hate to say it but I don't think your son's friendship is going to work out, but it is a good opportunity to teach what is kind behavior from friends and what is unkind behavior. After two years of a domineering friendship, at first my daughter didn't know the difference. Best of luck. It really sounds like there is more going on with that family and ultimately it would be better to cut off the relationship.
My 5 Year Old Is Being Bullied By My Best Friend's 8 Year Old
by: Sherel

I run an after school program for kids kinder through 8th grade in several school districts in Houston and surrounding areas. I have seen so many aggressive children that it breaks my heart. They have no regards to other students pain. Stories like yours I witness all the time. I am a teacher who care when a child is bullied. so I get involved with resolving the issues. In caring I have found that some children have aggressive parents and they learn that behaviour at home.
I'm against bullying.
by: Wyclef Howard

Im tired of bullies bullying. As you in this situation bullying comes in all ages. Who said children do not bully each other? Well, in the end they do. We need to help teach our children better. For more information please check out my blog @ http://wyclefagainstbullying.blogspot.com/
my two cents
by: Anonymous

you need to take your kid's side. bullying is serious. stop being friends with your "best friend". your kid is much more important than her.
You did the right thing
by: Anonymous

It's not your role to decide how to discipline this other child and you can't force the parents to do anything other than what they feel is appropriate.

You have done the right thing by taking your child out of that situation and making it clear that they won't have to deal with that child any more.

The only other thing I can think of is to help your child learn to deal with behaviour that makes them uncomfortable or unhappy by calling it out and asking for it to stop, then removing themselves from the situation immediately if it doesn't stop.

But honestly I think you dealt with it really well by listening to your child, taking them seriously, and responding in a supportive way that would have made them feel protected and cared for. That's the most important thing.
I'm in the same boat!
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your post! I am in a very similar situation! My son is 5 and my friend's son is 7. Making things even more complicated is the fact that our older children are on the same sports team and we travel often, so the two younger children are often around each other. I first noticed some verbally aggressive, disrespectful, and/or demeaning statements their son would make to my son. Honestly, I noticed this behavior from him with many other people, adults included. Recently he smacked my son across the face and then the next day aggressively charged at him and acted as if he was going to kick him. I'm at my wits end. I have talked with my child about a variety of related points and we have kept our distance, but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my composure if there is another incident. Unfortunately I am anticipating this will drive a wedge between us, as my child comes first. But I will have to figure out how to balance our involvement on this team and my other child's friendship with their other child, with keeping our distance to ensure my youngest child is safe physically and emotionally.

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