My Help Comes From God, But I Share My Story Or Part Of It - We Are Not Alone
by Die Wagter
Good day. After long internal debating and searching for this tool I've decided to ask for advice.
Presently I cannot concentrate at work, really I’m doing nothing – I get myself to do anything, I surf the internet for help for my current work situation.
I lodged a grievance against my manager for bullying and creating a hostile work environment a few weeks ago. I thought it would get better but their subtle unnoticeable advances with tact have left me in mental stitches.
I have been put off work for two weeks in November for a stress related disorder - given tranquilisers and prior to that with stomach problems and easily prone to flu.
My manager has been spoken to but she continues being rude (not the normal kind - the subtle – you hear them talking but you can’t say anything – it will be denied, sneaky type – talks about you to other people – content that’s not professional.
I’m a good character identifier and keep out of her way, noticing she doesn’t like me that much. I tried to make things better by buying her a gift, and just doing what she says. This does not feel enough, it's almost that I’m not wanted they cannot stand me – them in their 40’s me in my late 20’s.
Even after the grievance she shouted at me - which I didn’t complain again since the process has failed me and the intervention decisions that was taken has not been implemented two months after the grievance hearing. No one I complained to has really sat down with me – especially not my direct manager nor her boss – my appraisal meeting after the grievance – I just sat there and gave myself the lowest score – when they asked me why I said and thought that this is what you implied in the grievance meeting so who am I to question you.
Mobbing has continued from my manager and the second in charge - strange enough not a word gets spoken to me but then stories are presented about me being a trouble maker in my department.
I feel I can’t think straight, my relationships did go under, my self-worth and even beliefs have been attacked by people who don’t know me.
Again the bullying is not verbal in your face or physical (not anymore) - it's very subtle but with detrimental effect on my health.
I walk in just at 08:00 and leave at exactly 16:30 nothing more - and sitting behind my desk feels like chaos, I dig my head in the sand. I've been set up to fail, bullied, lied on, name slandered, and accused wrongly. I feel one day I can do this and then three days I can’t even think behind my desk. I have one day rage and the other powerlessness.
How do I come back if I’m not expected to come back or not wanted?
Why drug myself with tablets “because of people who are just rude but seen as strong personalities” - who just echo's the stereotypical – “don’t take it personal” - Well if you are planning for me to leave or making things so unbearable that I do leave - it affects my personal life – that is personal.
How do you work with people who don’t want you there and pretend to other people they have no clue what you are talking about – the gossip, the setting up to fail, the unfair treatment.
I just go home, switch on the TV and try to forget until tomorrow – I don’t drink or smoke but really feel the urge to just escape the reality of work.
I WONDER WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER GET OVER IT IF THEIR BOSSES WERE THEY WERE WITH US, OR IF THEIR CHILDREN GET BULLIED IN THE WORKPLACE ONE DAY - WILL THEY EVER THINK BACK AND SAY HEY - "I'M SORRY"?