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I was tired and a bit lonely but I wasn't too worried about it. I met a woman who seemed sincere and trustworthy. She seemed to live by similar standards as I did. Everything seemed all right for years. We talked openly about our pasts and it came up that it was the first serious relationship for both of us. We decided to stay together for life. We were both religious. She had recently become religious. I had been openly very religious. Even being close to burn out did not matter to her.
Suddenly she changed. We had been quarrelsome, but it wasn't even as bad I had expected any long term relationship to be. Being almost burned up was nothing but suddenly I was supposed to be always happy and always talking with her. Now she seems almost like an average bully you never wanted to come across. The more she explains why she neglected a healthy marriage we were waiting for and everything we had, the more it disturbs me. She doesn't really talk to me anymore, I have no idea what did she really ever think about me.
I'm having trouble figuring out what anyone else thinks about me also. Has everyone given up on me? Did my "exemplary" parents just want me to get money to the house or something equally sinister? Are they trying to change my lifestyle? Has it always been a fraud to make me lose my will? Is marriage used as an anti-religious social weapon by extremists to confuse marked believers? Did my closest ones take advantage of my limited experience to lure and seduce an inexperienced woman? What did she do to me in my sleep if she just wanted to hurt me? What social terrorism is this? Business as usual? How about gossip? Is all this what she wants me to think? Does she take anything seriously anymore? Does anyone? I can't really find out.
I've looked for professional help but I can't really find much anything worthwhile. At least I have some friends. I'd like to reflect to people with similar experiences or have witnessed a similar pattern. I can't feel secure unless I understand more. This happened without any warning. Feel free to guide to other topics here that might help.