There's Got To Be A Better Way!
It's been years since I have used this site to get me through a difficult time. I'm happy to tell you that I survived my bullying experience, but not without its ill effects.
I am unhappy to tell you that it still continues. I have seen a few more bullies get fired since, which made me think that the company did learn from past experience, but it took a really long, long, time to do this and because (in my opinion) the bullies were now, more importantly to management, starting to make their life more difficult, so bye bye bullies.
The latest, as I watch it unfold (from a distance) is two bullies going after each other. Interesting. A 'wanna be', and the other, too new to put a title on. I see no victim. Like watching equals fighting, each with their own objectives and motives. One will come out victorious, which will only empower them. It's frightening, like watching an evil villain character, like on superman, growing larger and more evil with the more power they gain!
Being, once a victim, and at times an observer, I can see both sides of the fence. As an observer, it can look like a personality conflict, bad manners or just plain out bullying. As a victim, it's an overwhelming experience that can have your head spinning. Some times when I'm called upon, I feel that with my past experiences I can be sensitive to the issue and I do try not to blur my vision and take a side right away (only human), but rather sit on the fence, hear the facts, do some digging, come out with the truth. It's a lot of responsibility and not to be taken lightly, or at least I don't! (And truth be told people, if I can avoid getting involved I do! Why, it's stressful, your seen as picking sides, you put yourself in a position of being bullied yourself. It's never that anonymous. So why do it? Sometimes I look at it this way, If you see a lost child in a mall would you walk away and let someone else deal with it? or do you stay and help, even if others come to help, because you know that you would never hurt that child and only want that child to be safe and for the situation to have a good ending, well that's me. I just want to see a bad thing get better, I want to see the right thing happen.)
Some people write in saying they are observers, what can they do, others are the victim, asking for help. My experience is that sadly (in some cases) the people that are out there to help are not really qualified. They are just every day people, like you and me, just trying to help, some with great intentions, others, not so much. Go up a level, because that is where work place bullying goes, and it's the same. In some cases, 'they know it all', you're wasting their time, they already know what they're going to do without even hearing it. Again, unqualified people (for bullying cases) in supervisory roles, but it's part of their jobs.
In the end, it's just people who decided who's right, who's wrong, and that doesn't always seem right to me because I don't think 'those' people are truly qualified to be judge and jury. Most deem it a personality conflict right off the bat. I doubt those people even know the different bullying types! Or have ever experienced bullying first hand! In some cases, they haven't even worked with the people in question, so how can they truly make the right decision? Do they know about bullies or mental illnesses? What do they know about the effects of bullying? Their objective is to fix the problem fast, make it go away. A lot of their decision making is based on the opinions of others and their own, which can be biased.
We have an HR department, but from what I've seen the only time they ever come into play is when someone is fired and management wants to make sure it's done properly so as not to get sued!
The whole process needs to be looked at. I believe it can be made better.
Love this site! It give's a safe outlet for people needing to be listened too, finding answers and getting support. Keep up the great work!