by LIZZY NJ
I have read the stories of bullying here… and I haven't a doubt they have all happened. I do understand when some say they will never get 'over' this event. It is so unbelievable how people could be so bad, ill tempered, nasty, manipulative.
The first step in recovery is the 'getting out' (at the hands of the employer who wants to make you believe YOU were the cause of your own difficulties. They point a subjective finger at you and push you out the door. They won't listen. They don't care, and they don't remember all the GOOD stuff you did for them. (show up every day on time, quality work, the many you worked with who did work cooperatively with you, the 'evidence' in your favor is overwhelming and yet they treat you 'as if' you are the bad one. OUCH …that does sting. (a moment of spirit reflection here would be good; who else have you heard of who was accused unjustly and made to suffer yet did nothing to deserve that suffering)
But… the suffering time is over and now the re-building and 'rising' begins.
Give your own self time. I suggest either journaling all thoughts in a book, getting the feelings out for your own self or emailing yourself so you can re-read your words again 'from a new perspective the 2nd and third time.' If you have an email buddy willing to let you send to him or her …go ahead and do so…such a good friend will not comment back (or maybe a line or two) but it is important to 'share what happened in some way' (journal, email one CLOSE confidante, or talk to a CLOSE person in your life) This to me is better than seeing a 'therapist' who will do the same…but charge you for it.
So write out the feelings as they come but try to get back to YOUR LIFE as much as possible. Go to family events, stay quiet if quiet or talk as always, take a course in a community college (where you are with others but don't necessarily have to interact directly with them), learn something new, get involved in some cause you care about not in a big way just ring a doorbell hand out literature, sell raffle tics at your faith practice church, be with your kids if they are young …go to their ball games and assist in some way; if only keeping the team supplies in order.
If you feel like BLAAH some days; have the luxury to say I just want to read, watch tv (fun show) or play around on computer today. Don't go driving, don't go near people. Be alone. Or just walk to the store and buy a treat for yourself. (special sandwich or food you like, special ice cream treat) Stay from the negative folk which is usually found in the 'bar scene' …don't go that route; it will make things worse not better. TREAT yourself in a positive way.
I do suggest getting back to SPIRIT and PRAYER time or if involved in such; go more often to sit in the quiet of church …and let the Spirit show you your good qualities, talk to HIM, let 'the blessings' you have come to mind and accept that idea as TRUTH (differing from what employer judged you and said you were) Read that good book and see if any words jump off page…reflect on how it relates to 'the moment you are in'
Some folks will tell you to 'close the book' … easier said then done; there will be 'flashbacks' of woulda coulda and shoulda… and that will bring some anger at yourself / put it in an email to yourself or in a journal or yell in the privacy of your home (not too loud) just 'talk to yourself' if you must in private and shed some tears…but then…just DO SOMETHING positive FOR YOU. It's all God at work…helping you to come to understanding about human nature; your own and the bully and bullies.
If you stay connected to YOUR LIFE and little by little push that OTHER out of it in mind…as you get 'busy doing for you' … you will feel stronger. You will feel GOOD again. So good about ALL YOU HAVE going for you; that you, good person you are…will do what that other in first paragraph did when he was accused most unjustly. You will FORGIVE them in their 'lack' (and ignorance) and ask God to HELP THEM to 'see' …and YOU will be taking part with the one who reconciled all BACK TO GOD (which is all the work of God and not any of us…all we can do …who 'know the way' to good living; is to pray for God's grace to bring this other one to amend and 'repent'/ I recommend 2nd Corinthians 5:18.
In your suffering; you can find THE GO(O)D of life again; and God will show you where 'you weren't always as you should be' with Him…and He will show you your 'faults and weaknesses' that you ask forgiveness (there's a way in my faith practice that works better than any counseling session) and with living that forgiveness…you are able to pray GOD shed light on 'your bully' that they too find GOD…and also repent and be different.
Rejoice if God believed in your strength so much, that He put a difficult person in your path of good living. You are part of 'the work' of THE PERFECT ONE who IS THE ONE who reconciles all back to Himself. Changing 'the world' happens when WE pray for 'our enemies' / do not enable bad to come to society by acting always in good ways and honoring objective good ways / and when we place trust HE is always working 'for that authentic good' to be…BLESSED are we if chosen to 'help in the process' / don't be pulled down to the level of a bully RISE above them…with LOVE (LOVE being GOD) Pray for they who 'don't get the meaning of life.'
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