What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Is This Female Colleague Sexually Harassing Me?

by Stella
(Maine)

I can't believe I am posting something so personal as I am a very private person, but this is so upsetting to me I don't think I can discuss this verbally with anyone. On September 1st this year this 55year old short like 5ft2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine woman started working at my workplace.

She started touching me on her third day. She said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing. She said that she just can't resist touching and stroking satin fabric. She always touches me, hugs me, holds my hand, places her arm around my waist. She gives me random hugs all the time pressing her face on my breasts. This woman is constantly rubbing my back, touching my hair.

I wouldn't be as grossed out if she did it to everybody else but she's always doing it to me! I wouldn't say I'm that close to her and she's hard to avoid since her office is next to mine. She puts her arms around me when we're standing side-by-side and talking and she randomly comes by at my office and gives me shoulder and back massages. But all the touching has been getting creepy. She is extremely touchy and feely with me. Now she knows I am heterosexual woman but that doesn't seem to deter her from rubbing on my back or arms, pressing herself into me and generally being borderline innapropriate at times.

She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. I am 5ft10 foot tall and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes me HUGE!

The other day I was in a mall with my daughter and this little boy pointed at me and said something like: "Gosh mom, look at her, she is giant!!!". I am a 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive brunette. I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress slutty at all. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and I am tall, and I appreciate that. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.

I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on. I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person. I usually stay away from anything too revealing.

I am describing myself because I want you to know the complexity of the situation. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a women. I am 100% straight. Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honesty just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.

She finds any excuse to touch me. The other day she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my collar bones before moving to my shoulders. She leans over me when I show her something on the computer screen. She is not very aware of personal space, she tends to stand very close and walk so close that she can trip me, she also always puts her face very close to my breasts. She always links arms with me and walks leaning into me.

She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable. This woman is being unnecessarily touchy-feely. She is always constantly patting my lower back and touching my hair. She tends to stand really close – it’s like she doesn’t seem to respect my personal space.

It is getting very uncomfortable. How do I tell her off without causing tension at work? The other day she needed to ask me a question. My client and I were so engrossed on our project that neither of us noticed her walk in. She put her both hands around my waist to get my attention. Then she kept her hands there until I finished my answer to her. I felt awkward about it, but didn't want to say or do anything in front of the client. A half-hour later I felt it was too weird to bring it up, so I just let it go.

She would touch me a lot on my hands, shoulders and back when discussing work-related topics. One time at her office we were working on something. I started to rise from the chair while she was still sitting, and she then reached over and squeezed my butt about four or five times quickly. I pulled away, but it took me by such surprise I didn't know what to do, and I actually laughed, even though that was the last thing I felt like doing.

Also she is constantly 'accidentally' brushing her face against my breasts while walking by me or when we are engaged in a task. I don't want to offend her. Even though I'm the permanent employee she does have a little "power" over me. She can muck things up for my clients and I, walk away scott-free, and make me clean-up the "mess." I don't know her very well (she's not my direct employee) and don't want to push any sensitive buttons.

She gets along with other female employees like the bookkeeper, sales managers, and owner (it is all female workplace). She could say that I created a hostile environment and doesn't feel like coming into work. There will be a big HR interview (involving the main office) and an investigation. Then the women will still look at me like I'm the one with the problem! I've seen it happen before. I've got to be careful and handle this gracefully.

Also she doesn't look threatening. She is creepy and ugly but she is tiny, short and skinny mature woman. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. She is always hugging me around my waist. Sometimes several hugs in a row. She also always places her hand on my hip at the side when I stand beside her.

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Harrassment
by: Joseph

Any unwanted advances or touching is actually physical abuse in my mind. A person's personal space is just that personal. Groping is what comes across my mind in this case. The new person described in this story is totally out of line and she should be told to not touch anyone unless permission is asked first. If the person is a relative to the boss, well then there is also a problem. How do you tell the boss that their relative is doing such a thing? Some people think they are entitled to do whatever they want. Hard feelings will occur, but your personal space is off limits. In other words, F them!

I want this touching, rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop.
by: Stella

Now I don't want her to feel badly - but I want this touching, rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop. What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop? She always wants to touch me hug me and she seems to have no concept of personal space. Its the one thing about her that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is "accidentally" coping a feel of my butt. She happens to be very good at her job. I need her as a coworker. She is very well qualified. I can't just punch her in the face. I am physically stronger than her, she is short and skinny, but i have never been in a fight my whole life. I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation. As far as having intimacy with a woman? That's just something that I haven't done and will probably not do so. Im a straight woman never got turned on by a women. I am divorced since january 2014. I have 13year old daughter. Usually when this short skinny ugly ginger geek woman subordinate who shouldn't be touching me try to... I just kinda... let her do the touching, rubbing and hugging, but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. I must admit that she is an exceptional coworker subordinate to me. The position she fills required a lot of knowledge and is not a position that is easy to replace. In addition to this she has one of the highest capacities I have seen and is capable of doing multiple jobs at once. And she does!

She is important to me as a coworker.
by: Stella

This woman my coworker is a squeeze hugger that lasts too long in a vice grip. She is important to me as a coworker, so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward touching and hugging and just think of something else while it's happening. She is motivated and highly competent at work. I need her as my coworker subordinate. She is very enthusiastic, competent and helpful. I generally avoid physical contact with people of both genders, excepting my immediate family. How can I discourage this coworker from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her? I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person. Any time I'm even within arm's reach of her, I feel her caressing me. When I show her something on the computer screen, she has to lean (with some force) on me.

I feel guilty.
by: Stella

Okay, I feel guilty. Yesterday this touchy feely woman my coworker asked if she could touch my breasts. I was like, No! Then I said, alright. Then I get a hand extended so I'm like okay here it goes... and she was not shy about just full palm feeling all around and getting a real grab! I think she was a little shy to ask and was surprised when I agreed. LOL! It was no big deal for me. She seems harmless to me. She is creepy and ugly but she is tiny, short and skinny mature woman. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. I was walking out of her office and she groped my butt, kinda fondled it, then slapped it hard. I know what she did was wrong. I really need her at work. She is practically doing all my work. She is working harder than everyone else. Also she is probably my best friend in the office.

I feel stupid and that I should have said something.
by: Stella

This morning i was sitting in my office chair and my touchy feely coworker offered me a massage and I didn't refuse. My back is consequently suffering due to extensive time spent on the computer. She worked on my shoulders and arms for like 10 minutes but then she moved towards my breasts and I had to ask her what she was doing. She replied she was throwing in a breast massage but I felt a bit awkward wondering if it even exists. Next thing I know she was fully massaging my boobs. Obviously I should have spoken up. I was pretty uncomfortable. She was pointlessly 'massaging' my breasts for like 10 minutes. I feel stupid and that I should have said something. I probably should have said something and spoken up or even left if I felt comfortable... but anyway, I just want to know if this seems right to you or if I am over-reacting. Later in the hallway she smacked and grabbed my ass both hands and all. I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy. She is like 5ft2 tall skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. But I feel like I can't say no to her. I work very closely with this woman on almost all my projects so it's hard to avoid her. She is practically doing all my work.

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