Municipal Building Dept. Division Head
First, thank you for this helpful website. It has helped me cope and understand the insidiousness of bullying/mobbing, which I personally was a target of for four years, until I decided to recently resign.
After resigning, many things immediately happened, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my back and I felt free again, even though I forfeited a paycheck. My mental and physical well being are more important than that.
No one should have to endure constant abuse at work from another, which I might add was subtlely sanctioned by management, and very hard if not difficult to prove, I think that is what is so disgusting about bullying, it is almost impossible to prove, at least in my case.
At first I didn't know what was happening to me, I thought that I was imagining the way I felt and that in time all should fit into place, well, I should have trusted my original instincts, because they are usually correct, but I didn't, I am the type of person who accepts people for who they are and I respect their beliefs, even if mine are different from theirs, isn't that what life is all about, having differences and respecting others for who they are, not what they are...
What I came to understand very quickly is that one can be different as long as you are like them.
Once one is targeted, one basically has two choices, try to deal with the bullying while trying to perform your job, or, resign, as I did.
Once I realized the reality of my situation, and after the initial shock, I began to do all the things employee representatives tell you, "keep records", "talk to your supervisor", "document everything and keep a paper trail"...
Looking back on that day-to-day work life, I can tell you that that type of life was not for me, I mean, if all we do all day at our jobs is to cover our behinds, then I don't want it.
Life is way to short and way to precious to give into these second-handing hypocrites, that are basically afraid of difference and competence.
Once I made the decision to resign I began to see things much more clearly, and how the system functions. I must say the decision to resign was one of the most stressful decisions I have ever made professionally, but for me, it was the right decision. I tried talking about my situation with freinds and family, but it was always the same, "have you spoken with HR" "why don't you tell your supervisor ?" "is it really that bad ?"
If one has never experienced bullying, then it is almost impossible to express to someone who has not had the experience, the feelings and the stress associated with the constant abuse and attacks.
You think you must be going crazy and that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
You feel very alone, and after awhile you feel it must be your fault.
Because, when you do seek internal help, nothing happens, only that it must be you that has created the problem, not the others.
To this day I am still amazed at the blind eye that is turned when "bullying" is mentioned, out of sight out of mind mentality.
For me the bullying/mobbing was unbearable, it affected my entire life not only my work life.
I am happy to say I am on the long road to recovery, but the sad thing is, the next target/victim is already in their sights.
Why is it that there are some people who feel the need to control others ?
I believe that bullies are basically empty and unhappy people who derive pleasure in others pain.
Martha Stouts book, "The Sociopath Next Door" is excellent reading and may be helpful and useful in dealing with bullies, I found it so.
Be true to yourself.