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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know
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Always Getting Bullied

by Liz
(Scotland, UK)

No matter where I go, what employment I get I am always bullied in the organisation. It makes me think what I am doing wrong. I was bullied every single day at the Doctor's sugery. It took the form of a drip drip effect. It started with gossiping behind my back; invading my personal space; blaming me all the time for things that where not my fault; being patronizing to me; Making insulting comments directly to me concerning my mental health conditions; overloading me with too much work and not enough time to complete it. Lying about the quality and quantity of work in a spreadsheet and the Manager e-maiied it to me!!!! Colleagues would report me to the Manager if I done anything that was not classed as perfect; if I was one minute late it was logged while all other colleagues could get away with anything. I was constantly critised and scapegoated, humiliated in meetings; The new Head Receptionist was told to "keep an eye on me" and constantly was breathing down up neck, snapped at and shouted at. If I took my hands away from the keyboard for less than a minutes she would shout at me "get on with your work!!!" while others would be able just to lazy about gossiping.

Now I am doing volunteering at a muesum and most of the volunteers are older than me and one volunteer branded me "Grand-daughter Fodder" and everything I do is because I am young, irresponsible and stupid. There is awfully awkward alarm system and I accidently set it off and ended up in bits because I felt so unless. Everytime I key in the code it says "Code denied" repeatly and it seems to take 6 attempts by that time the secuity procedure starts. The volunteer who does the secuity system reported me to the curator of the museum and the Volunteer Coordinator.

The curator came down but seemed to be really nice to me about it but the volunteer co-ordinator came in to do her shift and said to me "OH a heard about there was 'A Performance' this morning"

I just feel that it is starting to happen again. But this time the only factor I can thing of is my age. I was crying and crying.

People make mistakes all the time and I know that the volunteers make mistakes all the time too but it would be nice to find out what occurs when they make a mistake.

I am a bully magnet.

I cannot cope this it happening to me again while I am volunteering or am I imagining things due to my last experience????

Comments for Always Getting Bullied

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Bully Magent?
by: Anonymous

You didn't say, but I can about figure it out. You may well be a bully magnet if: 1)You are young and pretty 2)You are pretty and intelligent 3)You are intelligent and what is known as a "highly sensitive person" I have observed throughout my rather long life that any/all of those combinations are lethal for a female and she often becomes a bully magnet. Most people are very insecure, and if someone is blessed with talents and qualities they lack, all they know is to bully. If you are also a highly sensitive person, you can't help but react, and they find pleasure in bringing you to tears. But it's not easy to close our eyes and ears and not hear or see what they are doing. A therapist once told me that only 5% of the people are "worth knowing" if we have such a combination. The best we can do is try to stay away from the rotten apples, and seek out the "five percent" of "creme de le creme" of thought, motivation and talent, and stick as close to them as we can as they are "our own kind." They understand. They will support. They will protect. It is a learning process, and it doesn't happen overnight. But trust me, it can be done and life gets infinitely easier once you learn to avoid the sources.
Magnetic
by: Anonymous

I am a bullying magnet as well. I was mystified by the continuous stream of bullies I run into, but the previous comments may well be true, because I am all those things and also competent. The bullying causes nervousness which increases mistakes. I'm seeking solutions or methods to deal with this. Anyone have effective techniques to deal?
Always Getting Bullied
by: Anonymous

I agree that being pretty, competent and talented will bring on bullies. Even at age 50, I am still being bullied where I work, by people who are older, physically unattractive, carry chips on their shoulders and not nearly as competent; several have always held low-paying jobs and had troubled childhoods. But I have also been bullied in an academic environment by people with PH.Ds and upper-status positions, too. It does not matter how nice you are, either; they will always find something about you that they don't like, to build on. A dog that will fetch a bone will carry it; and you must either be able to intimidate the bully back or get them/him/her fired. If neither of these tactics work, then you are SOL. Human Resources and lawyers might help some of you - in my situation, they never have.

The only thing that will keep competent, peaceable employees from being bullied is a highly competent, vigilant, incorruptible management that keeps an active eye out for these bully tactics, recognizes them, sizes the situation up accurately; and fires the instigator(s) immediately. And how many places will most of us encounter that have that kind of management staff in place?

I have researched the topic of workplace bullying now for a number of years; and have concluded that it is a social-biological condition that has carried over from our most primal origins. If you associate or work with people who are wired to use these instincts more often than you yourself do, you will not be able to fit in with them. And they will know it and react in primal ways, much the way threatened or power-starved chimpanzees do.
DONT LET THEM WIN... TAKE CONTROL DONT GIVE IT TO THEM
by: AMANDA

i feel for you soo much.. bullies cant even admit to themselve what they are doing and the mobbing effect you are experiencing i have also experieced it.. its safety in numbers it like bullies love to see you crack ... it destroys your confidence in yourself in your decisisons it makes you hyper aware of what is going on around you then you make mistakes because your full concentration is given to this fear and thats what they create a complete fear of life..you do this subconciously as protection you are watching all the time so if some thing bad happens you are prepared downside, it creates paranoia and sometimes you are reading into things that are not there and your reaction to this also gives people cause for gossip. you canot get out off this bulling pattern alone i suggest you ask your dr about cbt.. cognitive behavioural therapy. good luck keep your chin up... stay positive you are not weak they are..have confidence they are so threatened by you and they feel the need to hurt you because of this.. you must be something special dont let them win... switch off to this do your job ... the more you worry it will be noticed and bullies can smell vunerablity... go girl beat hem... if it all becomes too much dont fight back record .. record .. record... xoxoxoox
Me too!
by: Susan

I too am a bully magnet. But not all work places did it happen to me. Some places that i worked had only kind people there. Not perfect people, but kind and decent types. Keep looking for a place like that. Just keep moving on till you do. I have worked in many places. The bullies never change. It is not you. Keep looking for another job. there are good places. Do not drive yourself crazy, trying to stick it out - they will not stop. You cannot change them. Move on, till you find good people!
Hi there..
by: Susan 2

I don't know what it is about our day and age which encourages so much bullying, but one 'theory' I have (for what it's worth) is that since the Industrial Revolution we seem to have moved away from a working day which revolved mainly around our families and those we loved, to living and working among strangers who we have nothing in common with.
Some people see more of their boss nowadays than they do of their own family.
Sorry, I am not trying to give anyone a history lesson, I am just trying to get to the bottom of why the modern workplace has seemingly become such an abusive environment for so many people.
I am sorry you have experienced so much bullying.
I am also wondering if women are worse than men at bullying, but I don't want to be labelled as sexist.
One solution is to become self-employed in some way, but that is not always easy.
I hope you find a job you can be happy in. Keep looking and good luck.
here I am again one big magnet
by: christine

I am now in my fifties and have spent the last 40 years dealing with being bullied . I am so tired of it , I have just left one job and started another one and here it is again , what is always good is the realisation again thats its not me !!! Other individuals feel it too but i find it all too exhausting as I am a sensitive fun loving person who seems to attract bullies .
I am now really having to think hard about how i look for jobs , if anyone can help with tips to recognise a bully in an interview please please I would like help - I am looking at transactional analysis to explain the role i play as victim amd hoping to find a way to avoid being the victim statein the future without changing me too much
Bad Time in Workplace
by: Anonymous

I too have been bullied over the last three years at two different jobs my current job it started the first day I was employed I had one of my coworkers shove me physically and I have been belittled during meetings and reports that I have written changed to add mistake to them by my boss. I made the mistake of trying to turn in my resignation right before my six month probation was up as I felt something bad was coming and they would not except it and told me they wanted to keep me then the next week extended my probation 90 more days now I am going to turn in my resignation and they said dont worry about it as I have already done that I can just leave anytime. They dont want me to be able to draw unemployment benefits...sorry so long I just had to tell someone. Most of my friends are afraid to talk to me and the few that do dont beleive me they think I am stressed out and crazy..
Bully magnets...
by: 'Sarah'

I must admit to being a bit of a bully 'magnet' myself.
I think once the bullying has started it can be very difficult to stop it. The secret is to learn how to prevent it from happening in the first place. This must involve changing some very fundamental aspect about me, but I am not sure what.
Not all quiet or sensitive people end up getting bullied, but having those characteristics can certainly make it more likely that you will be a target.
Some of us just have a knack for getting 'homed' in on by the wrong people. None of my family, as far as I know, have been through the kind of bullying I have endured over the years.
I keep asking, 'Why me?' 'Why not anyone else in my family?'
In the end you start to feel like a targeted individual. You stop going out, avoid social situations as much as possible. It is how I am nowadays.
I am not terrified of being in amongst a crowd, as some people say they are; but I do feel very apprehensive about it.
If my partner wants us to go to a social event, be it a dinner or dance, I cannot look forward to it at all. I know what might happen. I have become almost fatalistic about it, and I know it is all wrong.
It cannot be normal to feel that way. Surely going out to a dinner and dance is something you are supposed to look forward to - isn't it?
I can't tell him how I feel. He just doesn't understand.
I try to stay home as much as possible, but I wouldn't recommenend it to you as a good piece of advice.
I've attracted abuse just about everywhere, including in a church. If a bullied individual is not safe in The House of God, then where are they safe?
I know you are only young, and I hope that you can find a way out of all this. You don't want to be bullied all your life. It can turn you into a virtual recluse in the end.
Remove bullies from your life
by: Bully Repeller

I was bullied both in work and in school environments. It was very distressing for me and I eventually asked myself: Why is this happening to me? I did research (books and articles) and came up with the conclusion that it wasn't me that was causing the problem - it was the way I reacted. I realised that bullies want attention and will seek out the people they feel will most likely give them that. So, I decided to ignore the behaviour of bullies from then onwards. It was difficult at the beginning but I managed to be civil to these people without giving in to their bully attacks on me.
It was difficult for me at the beginning to simply ignore the attacks but I maintained a minimal reaction response and it proved to be highly effective.
I'm not guaranteeing that this tactic will work for everyone but it has worked for me.
update
by: christine

Hi again
since i first posted a comment a few weeks ago i decided to deal with the issue- i had a meeting with person involved - its definately how i react - so taking a deep breath - i explained how I felt - about not feeling safe - feeling challeneged - and explaining that i find it difficult wokring in this kind of environment - explaining that i am a sensitve person who needs to be trusted to do a task without feeling at anytime someone is going to question me - the repsonse was positive - to be honest - i need to learn to react differenlty to trust my intuition and notice the signs - i know now this wont happen in this job again -
its been a long journey dealing with bullying for over 40 years - its given me insight into how people react - i hope everyone can gain the inner strength to deal with thier situation and as the previous comment said to learn a new way to react
Response to Sept. 12, 2009 Comment
by: Anonymous

I think you have it right! Also, in addition to the issues you mentioned, the problem is that usually the (female) bullies are in higher-level positions and the men just do not and will not get it. If they realized just how financially draining the female bullying is on the companies then they may pay closer attention. That is, may, because these are issues men just do not want to be bothered with. I am the employee who works hard, is sincere and dedicated, and responsible, at work and on time, etc. All the great qualities any employer should want and embrace. However, the bullies always win out and I am the one let go or eventually move to another low-level position because I have never been able to achieve a steady work record because of the female bullying. In my opinion, female bullying is probably the costliest problem in American companies today. Men, wakeup!!! If a female appears to be competent, but does not have a steady work record, she would likely be very competent and make a great employee, but probably has just been a victim of female bullying.
Worn out by years of bullying
by: Anonymous

I was bullied badly at school and have a poor relationship with my family. It has left me vulnerable and seriously depressed; I will be on anti depressants for good, a few doctors have told me this. In adult life I have had to leave various college courses and jobs as a result of bullying, and I have also been ostracised by some of my in-laws. I keep asking what I do wrong and without anyone ever supporting me over this I lose confidence and therefore this makes it happen again. I give up
I hear you!
by: Pretty intellectual

I have been a target for female bullies all my life, including the first female I ever encountered, my mother. She favoured other girls over me from a very young age and took great pleasure in comparing them to me, leaving me looking second best. Sadly, that was my mother's pathology and always will be. The tension between us hit boiling point when I was 37 and she would occasionally be asked what it was like to have a 'late baby' and did I get on with the much older siblings. When was I going to start university. What a bright pretty girl I was! When I was 22 I was mistaken for a 14 year old. When I was 32 I was ask for proof of age before I was served a drink. Largely, she set me up to be shy, sensitive and to have a low self-esteem. Even though I permanently distanced myself from her at age 41 (I am now 46), I forgive her because she is sick. I just don't want to ever see her again.

Throughout high school Hell was always around the corner. Why? Because I lived in a redneck town where the combination of pretty, smart, inventive, sporty and bright was a crime. Oh, and my exotic name. It was too much for the other girls and God help me if I had a boyfriend. It could have been Harry High Pants for all they cared. Someone liked me and they would have nothing of it.

Now I am alone. It is safer for me emotionally. I am on disability for sever PTSD. I have never been married and I have no kids. Now I have a new hostility to contend with.

I am not successful in the stereotypical sense of the word. If I am not on welfare, I am in low paid labouring jobs. In nearly every job I have had I have been bullied on every level.

Now at 46, having had my life all to myself, I never mention my age or marital status unless asked. I never get invited to group outings if the husbands are going to be there. I don't have to flaunt myself. I just have something.

Oh I could go on but I think the general idea has been put out there. Now I can go back to enjoying my brittle charm in solitude with a good book in a bubble bath.
Bullies like me
by: Susan

I have been bullied all of my life. I was a very shy, nervous child, I was called names, kicked, spit on, pushed etc. This caused me to have 'social anxiety' for years. I felt sick in public until my early 20's. I was bullied in several workplaces, blamed for situations, told "You're not in charge, we don't talk to you", people were threatened they'd be fired, if they spoke to me. One woman challenged me in the printing room, made faces and sat in my chair. Another place, I was asked "Why are you here, you're white, you can do better, are you stupid". I was pushed at that job, and another worker was sexually assaulted and I had to confront him. They were well known to do this to others as well. I'm volunteering now, and someone is complaining about me writing in the wrong places, not to allow a friend of mine to meet me there, no affection, not even a hug, even though we hug the cats. I was told "Volunteers don't need to know any more than the basics". I want to learn more, and feel offended. I think because of the experiences they encountered, their minds aren't working right, they are almost crazy. Another woman walked behind me and watched what I was doing, and smirked. I don't want to give her the time of day, when she's one of the instigators. They told me "We don't think you know what you're doing". How insulting is that. I like some people there, in which I see each week, and I love working with the animals. It seems this nonsense happens at places I enjoy working at or volunteering. When people bully or hurt you in any way, they affect you emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically etc. Shame on them. Being in charge does not mean being forceful, shouting and making you feel like you're a prisoner. You're happier when others are happy around you. Don't let them destroy you. Bullies should be fired.
I have also been a bully magnet
by: Anonymous

Dear Liz,

I was also bullied all my life. I do believe it is a combination of being young beautiful and attractive bust sometimes it is just a question of having values. Other times it is just a bully that picks on you first and the rest follow. At first, I was petrified as this kept happening over and over. Eventually, I got so fed up that I got angry inside. Then, one day one my bullies, who was a guy who had tried to date me and I rejected, called me to scream at me. I lost it and screamed back F*** and leave me alone. Then, i told his friend whose phone was he was using to leave me alone too. Then, whenever I would see them I would give them an angry detached stare. They completely backed off. See I decided that I did not care if I died, but I would fight to death with the next jerk who tried to bully me. Since then, no one has bullied me and honestly I pity the next asshole who will try. I know you are scared because bullies work in big groups. But never forget they are all sick even if they are a majority. Eventually, you will get angry enough to fight back and just ignore them. I find a combination of both works. You cant fight back excessively because they like that. You can corner them and whisper: `listen dickwas you keep messing me and I will dedicate my life to destroying yours. I will leave but I will never forget you. I will wait my whole damn life for the one chance I can destru yours. And I'm going to enjoy it.' It might sound extreme but these people are animals. They dont respond to human decency.

I know it will be a long ride but you will survive. And you know what? You are lucky not to be them. Honestly I feel truly and profoundly sorry for them. Cause you can get away from them. But they are stuck with themselves.

Be blessed and know that I have been there over and over again. Dont lose faith though. Even though there are a lot of looser bullies out there, there are a lot of good people too.
Bully Magnet
by: Anonymous

I feel you so much. The worst thing is these people get together and then usually everyone around them supports them too. It is hard to deal because you feel all alone in a sea of people.

This site helped me a lot http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm

It made me realise that this was not my problem. Then, I stayed close to a few kind people and they helped restore my faith in humanity.

You are not alone and you will survive.
Bullied by female neighbors
by: Anonymous

Hi, I am up late because my mind has not been able to shut off. I am currently being bullied by a ex friend. I became friends with this woman and her husband. But they were possisive and took the peace and privacy away from my life. I started to distance myself - a year ago. Well now it's a year layer and I am now harassed by the ex friend and a group of couples that take turns harassing me. I just changed my cell phone next will be my e mail. There is always a invitation tI get together which I nicely declIned. Do now I have to deal with Invite after invite on and on. The last couPle I ignored then they get nasty. Where r u hiding? Did ur husband bury u in the backyard. They know I don't want to hang out with them - so they enjoy it. I am depressed and so anxious. They won't leave me alone. It is so hard to be a stay at home mom isolated. I hope I find a way out of this. They want a relation but I show none. I am holdin it on I would liove to yell but they would loooive it!!
I Thought I Had It Beat
by: Harry Cohan

I am overdrawn on my time, but called in sick because I knew I would just cry at my desk. A bonafide bully has caught up with me at the Department of Labor. My parents and husband are dead and I have strained relations with my siblings because they refused to help with my father when I moved in his house after my husband's death. When a spouse commits suicide, the surviving spouse has it bad, due to guilt. Dad went downhill fast, required constant attention and financial help, but my siblings wouldn't help. Poor Dad died, I stayed in his house a little longer (though my sibs wanted me OUT pronto) and we moved on, but my relationships with my sibs have never been the same. I got a job and found myself bullied. There was one guy who was off the charts with his behavior. He actually shot a rubber band at my co-worker and put a welt on her arm. He flew into rages and threw stuff. There were other bullies, and shortly after one of them screamed-full-force-at a kid, the kid jumped off a 4 story building in view of my workplace. That bully resigned shortly after this incident. There was another one to take her place, however, and this time I was the target. This woman would talk to me like I was dirt; tell me I was going to get fired; and finally screamed at me, at length, in the bathroom. When I told my boss about it, she screamed at me, too. I told my boss I wanted to talk to HR. HR informed me that this woman "never yelled." I felt like saying: "Well, you should have been in the conference room with her this morning." The screamer and the HR person were buddies. I was odd man out. I could go on for a few more paragraphs, but the details just don't matter. I was fired. I got a job at the Department of Labor. There is a mix of people from all over the world at my Division of the Department. Many are hyper-sensitive about issues of political correctness. I sat near a woman from Africa who got upset with me when I came in one morning and didn't say good morning. She berated me. I reacted. She reported me to the boss. She had told me: "In Africa, we always say 'good morning,' or something to that effect." I was feeling bruised about being scolded for not giving her the proper salutation and said "We're not in Africa." I caught hell, from my boss, for that. People need to examine how a multi-national mix can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings, and how different allegiances to PC can do the same. I got through that incident. I was bullied in cycles, but usually the bullies targeted other people as well, and there was pushback. One bully, in particular, changed his behavior and finally left. Lately, however, I've had to deal with the "triple-header" of bullying scenarios: An ex-friend who has seniority, lies, and yells. She berated me in a meeting with three of my co-workers looking on. They all agreed I was bullied. No one's doing anything about it.I feel alone, defenseless, and unlovable. I just want to die.
Thank you
by: Liz

Thank you so much for your comments of support. I dont feel so alone. However it is sad that so many people seem not to be allowed to get on with their work without someone harassing them. I think I might sign up for a free email series on how to copy with anixety and stress after workplace bullying. I hope to rebulid my life and not get or be affect by bullying again. Hopefully.
Bullying
by: Anonymous

I am dealing with bullying as a highly sensitive male. What helps me cope best is taking care of myself spiritually, creatively, personally etc. One expert on high sensitivity anne oxford talks about how maslows theory is reversed where sensitive people first need to meet their need of transcendance versus basic material needs for most people. I think this is true for me and maybe many other people that get bullied. Putting our own growth and I am thinking spiritually first can help us resolve or make those issues unimportant. this is a work in progress for me. food for thought I suppose.
another perspective
by: Anonymous

Hi
I have been bullied a couple of times which is why I looked at your page.

This story reminds me of a someone I know who complains about the way she is treated at work.

She's a nice person, but very incompetent. She's often late, lazy, doesn't listen and lacks initiative. She can't follow systems and cannot be relied upon. She's just not very smart. Harsh and horrible to say, but some people aren't clever. Luckily, she's very pretty and knows it, and she uses her body to get what she wants.

Unfortunately she's also very ambitious and thinks she should have it all - a diabolical combo.

Sorry if my comments sound hurtful - I'm not a troll, but I think it needs to be said that there are some people out there who are not good at their jobs, and others get annoyed and lack patience with them.
bully magnet
by: catherine

I was bullied at secondary school because I developed earlier than most of the other girls. I was pinched, pushed & spat on by these filthy creatures.I had to tolerate name calling & threats, sexual harrassment in my teens, & in my first job when I was 16, my boss, who was a total arsehole to all his employees took a particular dislike to me. He loved to call me into the office & critisise my work, & verbally abuse me, calling me an idle slut amongst other things. I can`t say that Iv`e been bullied in every job that Iv`e had thank god, but enough to feel that people are mostly rotten. I don`t have a problem much nowadays now that I`m past 50. I`m sure it had something to do with my looks, & jealousy on the part of the female bullies, because although I wasn`t that attractive the people who bullied me were usually ugly.
Unacceptable
by: Toria

Wow, "Anonymous", are you trying to insinuate the OP is not being bullied but is in fact "not very smart" and ergo, somehow deserving of the treatment she's been receiving? You say you aren't a troll, but if I'm reading it correctly, that's a pretty nasty comment to post and more importantly, it's not at all helpful.

Bullies who do it well will make you question your own competence, make you wonder if maybe you aren't as competent as once you thought you were. That is part of their insidious technique of destruction. DO NOT BELIEVE IT!

Even if our OP was "not very smart" that would not justify bully type behaviour. People who are not performing well at work ought to be spoken to in a positive manner about how their performance could be improved, not isolated, blamed, constantly critiqued and set up for further failures.

Yes, it is a good idea to look at your work quality and ask yourself if it could be better, but even if it could improve, that does not make manipulative bully type behaviours acceptable. Ever.
Bullied Again and Again
by: Anonymous

I have a very abusive Mother growing up. She physically and emotionally abused me. I think it set me up to continue in the victim role my whole life. I have been bullied at every job i've ever had. The first was an over-bearing boss that bullied everyone. I eventually resigned; however I've been asked to come back several times (that's never going to happen!). The second was when I switched departments everyone jumped on the bully me band-wagon. It was so bad they openly talked about me to others in front of me and would ignore me if I said anything. I did start to make mistakes as I could not concentrate on my job. It became clear I was going to be let go so I resigned from there. Honestly, I was so depressed over my treatment at my second job I was suicidal. At my third job things were going great for years until almost all the staff left and we got new staff in. My new boss makes rude and nasty comments to me all the time and tries to belittle my work. I will probably end up resigning from here shortly. I don't think I'll get into any serious trouble here (especially since there are no real mistakes) but I can't handle being put down all day everyday. I'm smart, college educated, eager to please, and I know I do a good job.
University bulling: pretty, intelligent and talented now a shadow of who I was in first year
by: Anonymous

I am really glad I came across this article as so many of the comments describe exactly my experiences through my time at university. It is good to know I am not along in these experiences and that there are ways to deal with it. I feel that I have been damaged considerably by bullies at university, usually other women who are jealous and insecure themselves and they pick characteristics about me to bitch about because they are things they don't possess themselves....mocking my voice although I am a professional singer, mocking my ambitions to enter the world of business, mocking my friendly nature and the fact I enjoy talking to people and making friends, spreading rumours about family history and making things up about my mental health status-not sure why this seems to be a common lie bullies spread about their victims. In my case it is usually horrible girls who seem to enjoy turning the boys against me, which really lowers my confidence and makes me feel very insecure. Frustrating because I never was insecure before coming across these sorts of people. I never had a mental health issue before, yet dealing with this awful behaviour led me to be unable to concentrate on my university work because of my mind being preoccupied with that fear of what people are saying about me, the fear of what I am doing wrong to upset people, and then when it came to writing my dissertation all I could think of was those people who were trying to bring me down. I felt I was doing something wrong and 'not allowed' by being confident and self assured, like I was upsetting the other people around me. The lies that they began about me became a reality and I was pushed in to a depression by dealing with these people. I always wanted a good career, I always did well in school and worked hard and I wanted to get a job in a corporate world. But this experience has really scarred me, and now I've lost my confidence in dealing with people, which is something I actually always have been good at. I'm worried how far the rumours have spread-it was a big university and a lot of people were talking about me during final year, even including academic staff at the university. So I thought about doing an independent job instead, although it upsets me that I feel I have let other people prevent me from using my skill set, and that I am not fulfilling what I could and should be doing with my own life because my these bullies have occupied my mind. So at the moment I am pursuing a career as a cruise ship musician, though it still bothers me that I might come across someone who has heard something about me, that I won't be able to get away from it and that these rumours will damage my life again in the future. I am 23 years old, yet I feel my future is not as bright as it once was, and although I spend all my time worrying about those horrible people, they don't seem to care one bit that they have damaged me, and they probably even enjoyed the whole experience. I think the advice about finding your 'kind' of person is valuable, I need people in my life who encourage me, who are happy about my achievements and who will support me against bullying behaviour. In my experience it is very secure people who can offer this kind of friendship, and people who have experienced something similar themselves.
Bullied at 2 of my jobs and ostrasized by my sister in law
by: Anonymous

I have had to deal with being bullied most of my working life . To the stage where I don't mix socially now as my confidence is rock bottom and I'm told I lack self belief . My character is a good character I believe in treating people how you like to be treated yourself . But I just seem to attract the people to me who label me prim and proper and miss goody two shoes . I am not perfect and I know that but people just seem to hate me for being nice or they see being nice as a weakness . I have even had my sister in law ostrasized me from the family for no reason other than we have nothing in common . After a while you start to blame yourself and I have looked and read lots of literature to try and discover what I am doing wrong in these situations even going to see a counsellor who basically told me not everyone will like you you have to just get over it . It is not that I'm bothered by people who don't like me at all it's just the way they treat me with the snide comments and talking behind my back that's so demoralising . Being ignored at family gatherings and treated differently from everyone else is also disrespectful . I would never treat another human being this way it's so painful to endure . Where is the humanity ?
Bullied at 2 of my jobs and ostrasized by my sister in law
by: Anonymous

I have had to deal with being bullied most of my working life . To the stage where I don't mix socially now as my confidence is rock bottom and I'm told I lack self belief . My character is a good character I believe in treating people how you like to be treated yourself . But I just seem to attract the people to me who label me prim and proper and miss goody two shoes . I am not perfect and I know that but people just seem to hate me for being nice or they see being nice as a weakness . I have even had my sister in law ostrasized me from the family for no reason other than we have nothing in common . After a while you start to blame yourself and I have looked and read lots of literature to try and discover what I am doing wrong in these situations even going to see a counsellor who basically told me not everyone will like you you have to just get over it . It is not that I'm bothered by people who don't like me at all it's just the way they treat me with the snide comments and talking behind my back that's so demoralising . Being ignored at family gatherings and treated differently from everyone else is also disrespectful . I would never treat another human being this way it's so painful to endure . Where is the humanity ?
My perspective
by: Daughter of Zeus

Hi

My comment is in response to Anonymous, Another Perspective. I have received mistreatment from someone for not doing my job properly and not showing initiative as a result of a complete lack of coherent structured training, vague and at times incorrect instruction and all dressed up as me just getting it wrong. Criticism is often given in a rude and nasty manner and in front of people. I was criticized for asking questions as well which frankly it was this person's job to answer.

If a manager feels that someone is not doing their job properly then it is up to them to put a development and coaching plan in place and not just run them into the ground for getting things wrong. Just in case anyone is wondering I am moderately ambitious, do not feel I am owed anything but I can assure everyone that I am not using my face or body to get anywhere. Cheers.
RE I totally get you
by: Anonymous

Hi I was attracted to your post because I feel the same. It is nice to say that we need to be more assertive, the trouble is we are usually, ethical, honest, valuable, honest worthwhile people and you gotta feel sorry for them they just cannot shine in our goodness so they attack. If you ARE assertive it gives ammunition and they up the ante to the most unbelievable psychopathic destruct and destroy campaign no one would ever believe anyone could be so evil. The reality is it doesn't matter WHAT you do they will use it against you. They cannot be stopped as they fool management and have a well rehearsed script to excuse themselves that works. It is the old battle of good and evil that movies are based on, novels and life, everywhere you see it. I love to wear a persona, an acting persona, fake it till you make it..I smile wanly and be joyful and pretend it doesn't get to me. I have just been standing up for myself because they live on fear. You CAN intimidate them, through body language, amused eye contact when they slam you, intense eye contact, listening and DONT be afraid of what you are going to hear LISTEN and find the flaws. Lack of evidence no facts. ASK QUESTIONS because THAT holds the power and thus buy yourself some time to get to hell out of it. It is so unwinnable for me I am retiring early, selling everything up and going to live in the forest cheap, off the grid and silent and peaceful!!!
Repetition Compulsion!
by: Anonymous

I've had years of this at one place or another, there was only one job that I had, where I survived, although it wasn't free from some bad apples. When I left that job (wish I never did), I've suffered it in every workplace. It sometimes spills over to my social/romantic relationships too. Same s**t, different jobs/people. Sigmund Freud called it "Repetition Compulsion," we keep repeating the same patterns and mistakes over and over again. It is very difficult to change but not impossible. I agree being attractive, smart and throw in a good personality as well and you're a target. Not to be gender specific, I've often found it in women more, weak men will join in. People in modern society make too many social comparisons, which makes them envy others and so they like to destroy them, if they can or you let them. The solution, still working on that! I think you have to evaluate each situation differently, it is better to assert yourself as soon as it starts and nip it in the bud, sometimes it works other times it doesn't. The only other solution is find another 'type of employment" or go self employed. Not everyone can do the latter but that's what I'm going to try and do. BTW, I'm 47, so age hasn't anything to do with it.
Always being bullied in the work place
by: Anonymous

I have been bullied for many years in the work place and I never understood why and until recently I didn't realize that what was happening to me was bulling , I always thought bulling was a childhood thing. It did help to put a name on what was happening to me and it has helped to know that I am not alone but I lost my job at 60 because the company I worked for thought that the way to stop it; was to get rid of the target. I have suffered from depression and I have many doubts about myself. Bulling leaves a lot of mental scars and sometimes it is hard to cope.
gypsies
by: Anonymous

hi..i am being bullied by my gypsy neighbours ,and i am afraid to get out of house they are rude and mean and even though i am older then them ,i am 16 years old ,i am afraid that one day their parents might come to my home and beat me..i only split some cold water from the third floor on them because i didn't want them to get into my block of flats, and they mocked me and threw things in my window ,and i am afraid :( i suffer of social anxiety and ocd and major depression . help me. i think i am always wrong and i am afraid of anything.
I know how you feel!
by: Anonymous

I don't know why either I'm always getting picked for no reason! It's always like that at school and I've told the teacher continuous times but no one has done anything about it! I have no honestly why I'm being picked I'm really nice to everyone and a pretty good friend. Just try to be yourself, don't let anyone get to you and just breathe hopefully it will go away. I'm here for you and every other victim is to.. I hope people start to realise that bullying is wrong and they need to stop being so insecure! ):
Bullied by women for being sensitive and feminine
by: Anonymous

I'm sad to read a lot of these stories about bullying. It seems to happen to a lot of people their whole lives. There also seems to be a common theme that if you are attractive, moral and sensitive then you are more likely to be a target.

I have experienced workplace bullying but thankfully not in every workplace. I'm a woman, not super attractive but have often being called pretty, I am slim, feminine, I am well-educated and highly sensitive. I think I get targeted by people who feel threatened by this. I find this very wearing because I just want to live in peace, do my work and spend time with like minded people but it seems there are so many people out there who are unpleasant.

After a long period of illness with depression and anxiety I have started volunteering. I love the place and the work and at first the people but I've noticed the women there make fun of me. The volunteer coordinator boasted to me that she does a great impression of me. Another one said 'you're a delicate specimen aren't you' (after I hurt my hand whilst doing the work which is outdoor and manual). I always feel like they are laughing at me and I think it's because I am feminine and they are all quite tough and butch. They also say rather mean, prejudiced and ignorant things about people with mental health problems and autism which I find pretty unpleasant. An autistic guy turned up to volunteer and the coordinator bitched about how useless he was to us. I defended him and she went quiet but she won't have liked that I stood up for him.

I don't know, I just know I'm sad because I feel like I need to find a new place to volunteer. I have had problems with women bullying me in other workplaces so I'm not sure what the solution is, it feels like it will happen everywhere. I'm attempting self employment now so I can work alone in peace.

I feel angry that sensitive, kind, quiet people like us are constantly put down and harassed by ignorant, insensitive, mean people. I feel like we need to stand up to this and stop it from happening. I refuse to give up, hide away and be a recluse! What can we do to improve this situation for ourselves?
Being Bullied is the Pits!
by: Anonymous

Thank you everyone who has placed a description of what they are going through on these pages. I too am a person who continually becomes bullied by co-workers. In earlier years, I suffered through most of the name calling, shouting, and degradation tactics mostly by ignoring them. However, I never understood why what was happening to me or really why. I tend to be well liked, technically skilled, have more emotional intelligence, independent, a go-to person who my employers turned to when they needed help with a project, etc. I even had empathy for those that bullied me, as I would note that their personal lives were in shambles, or their jobs were too stressful for them, etc. I never understood the concept of jealousy. Not every having very much growing up, I learned early on that I had to create my own happiness and not look for it to be supplied to me by others, i.e., independence. For instance, if you were good at something that I wanted to be good at too, I wouldn’t become jealous of you, I would work on those skills that would help me to be good at it too. I have always been honest and ethical and exceedingly surprised that most people are neither.

I’ve always avoided confrontation – and do not respond to aggression with aggression. But my submissiveness has allowed those that chose to bully me to continue with liberty to do so – especially when the employer allowed them to do so.

Thirty years later, in a new position – a new career, and once again I am doing my job exceedingly well – so well that I am after one week on a sales room floor being hounded by bullies. Two days off, and I have had time to see that it started before I went onto the sales room floor. It began on my first day of training (two weeks prior to hitting that sales room floor). Today, I’ve counted 25 different incidents of bullying from exactly three different people. My immediate supervisor (who didn’t hire me, her boss did), one colleague who is very angry that new people were hired, and another colleague 2 who has nothing to fear from he as he brought in over $1,000,000 for the company in 2015 – but he is Sympatico with colleague number 2.

I am looking into different ways to deal with this problem by not hiding, but setting out a plan of action that will help me save my own well-being, which is in jeopardy. Any suggestions are welcomed.
I'm positive smart and good looking
by: J

Growing up I assumed that the rest of the world was positive confident and kind and I had believed that the only way to be successful in life was to act and think in this manner . So as a young teen I did everything I could to over come being a negative person and be someone who works hard for what they have and have high emotional intelligence and I accomplished that just by reading self help books. Once I was out in the work place I discovered through out all my jobs that management loved me but co workers acted nice but real disliked me they were ultimately jealous of my happiness and positive outlook and the fact I had great personality and looks. But I never thought for one second that I was better than anyone I always was told that I was one of the few as in a recent post on here said only 5 % is worth knowing I am recovering from a horrible 9 year relationship in which I was manipulated to the extreme I know am trying to recover from PTSD Momma didn't tell me girls like this existed I thought I was helping her but all her pleasure was hurting me . To think lying stealing low self esteem . being rude and selfish is now the new norm is just amazing . Maybe I'm just in the wrong town.
Always bullied always singlr
by: Anonymous

I survived a mobbing at work but my boss was running it, pretending to be my friend and telling others I complained about them (not true). At one point even the nice people would run away from me. HR was worthless. Eventually they went too far and had to leave--did things obviously wrong including threatening.

I have always been bullied including by my sisters. Every relationship with men was sabotaged by them or my mother. They even trued to prevent me from taking trips overseas or having any fun. Couldn't go to a party without snide remarks or even fake messages that it was cancelled.

However, there is hope. I Also have always had friends. Trust me, bullies cannot see very deeply and they will always find a victim. It ends up being us because we don't join them. The solution? As hard as it is, tell yourself they're mature reasonable people --and you will act accordingly. It works very well. Another trick is to use humor. And seek out friends! They are out there and will help. And continue to look good and be successful.
A neat trick if you're bullied at work
by: Anonymous

I opened a separate account, and whenever I'm bullied I pay myself. I give myself bonuses too if warranted. Making quite a nice bundle this way!
Be your brilliant you...
by: Anonymous

I've been bullied all my life by close members of my family: Mother, Brother and Sister; at School and in the workplace.

What I've learned over 40 years of abuse is that the bully's need to hurt, destroy, humiliate and invalidate comes from their deep-seated anxiety to be recognised; appreciated and admired by others. Unfortunately, when you, the bullied, threaten that state-of-being by becoming an external or, indeed, internal distraction to the bully's agenda then they will often react with venom, rallying their troops to find 'collective' reasons to 'de-humanise, defile or denigrate' you and all activities that you participate in.

It may be your looks, intelligence, personality, generosity-of-spirit or worse still, a combination of the above that spurns the inner demon of the bully. You may have also triggered deep-seated prejudices in the bully and they now have licence to act on these urges in a safe environment because those who are bullied are typically kind, generous, empathetic individuals and it is in this knowledge that the bully thrives because they know they can act without repercussion, because the bullied also wishes to retain their 'good individual' persona.

So first things first. Recognise and cherish your power and gift to bless others with a stir of emotions that makes them question who they are as individuals. Through your goodness, they are greeted with their 'looking glass' and when they do not like what they see, unfortunately, they need to lash out at what has brought them this insecurity.

Trust your Instincts. Do not wait for others to validate your suspicions about being bullied, because that will create doubt in your mind and it is this doubt that will eat away at your spirit, physical energy and confidence. If possible, move while the bullying is still an ember rather than a full blown inferno.


Take Control and grow (rather than diminish) your good. Be bigger, better and more colourful than you've ever been with all those that are willing to accept you openly and gratefully for who and what you are. Show those that are willing to accept you that you are ostensibly 'good'; you'll find that the more candles you light, the less power (and darkness) the self-conscious bully has to hide within.
Surprise!
by: Anonymous

I've also experienced more than my fair share of bullying. Mostly as an adult. The most toxic bully I encountered was my mother's boyfriend who became her husband. He met her when she was terminally ill and she changed her will to exclude me before they got married, with his encouragement. Nice. After she died he and my Aunt put my mothers clothes in plastic bags and left them in the garage for me to collect. That was my inheritance and I should be grateful and stop whining!
He is still negatively influencing my life as he has loads of unpleasant, bigoted associates who love to get vicious. He also comes from an enormous family.
Other extremely weird incidences of bullying include being tagged as "gay" by a very strange woman in a small town I moved to, and quickly left again. She saw me looking at a woman one day and that was it - I was in the closet and needed jacknifing out of it. She knew practically everybody in this one horse town and I actually lived in fear of looking at a woman for too long or in the wrong way and being labelled as gay when I'm not. I'm not homophobic, but your sexuality is an important part of who you are and I felt completely blindsided by this person and unable to establish myself in this town on my own terms at all. I had also made the mistake of telling someone too quickly who I didn't really know about a sexual assault I'd experienced, and before I knew it people were actually making rape jokes around me that seemed very pointed. It was unbelievable.
Even more unbelievably, I then moved back to my home town, only to befriend a woman with an outwardly interesting personality but who had a serious warped streak. As we both liked writing we wrote many notes to each other, mostly bitching about the apartment block we lived in. She explicitly encouraged me to write to her and said she enjoyed receiving the letters. Within weeks she's spread them around the apartment building and also told me that she'd taken photos of the notes before "shredding them" - of which I saw no shredded evidence. I'm fairly certain she uploaded selective bits of them to Facebook. This was a woman in her forties. For the love of Christ - I gave all of her notes back to her.
I don't understand how people are so utterly cavalier with other people.
I believe, again, you couldn't make this shit up, that the people in the house next to the house I currently live in are relatives or associates of the man who married my mother before she died. It would explain some of the odd, nasty comments they lob over the chicken wire fence.
Very much looking forward to moving out of this house very soon, which I am, and leaving this garbage behind.
Control your reactions
by: Alexa

I've also been bullied since childhood (started with my parents). After decades of misery I think I've figured it out: It all depends on your reaction to their bullying & manipulations. Sounds simple but it's really difficult to learn. First you have to practice being calm in the face of their cruelty & goading. Do lots of role playing with a friend, practicing keeping a stone face while they taunt you. Practice telling yourself all your good points & how you are superior to them. Tell yourself that until you believe it. Don't worry if you really don't believe it - after a lot of positive self talk, you WILL believe it. The bully tests people to see if they'll crumble when attacked. If you don't crumble, if you show them no reaction, they'll give up and start looking for the next one. If you show fear, they'll stay & keep pounding on you. Don't fight back, they love that too. Ignore them, walk away, look away, stay away - drives them nuts to know they're not having any effect. At a club luncheon lately, a bully started making disgusted looks at me, rolling her eyes; I gave a bored expression & looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her shoulders slump & she looked down at her lap. Never said another word to me.
workplace bully
by: Anonymous

I was bullied for 5 years in my previous job. It all started with a jealous (I knew the job inside out) new manager who had managers, other staff and HR eating out of her hands. She moved on but left the rest of the staff hating me. I then got another job but the whole experience has left me not wanting to work in an office ever again. I now work on a reception on my own. I have had two occasions when I have been corrected on something but ended up crying because of what happened to me in the past. I was asked if I had counselling, which I hadn't but now wish I had because two years on I still struggle with flashbacks. I feel that the media cover school bullying but workplace bullying is not brought out into the open.
you are not the problem
by: anonymous

People have gone out of their way to do mean things to me and the good people that I choose to associate with. I have been targeted at grade school, high school, church, work, university, and at various apartment complexes that I have lived in. I have even had people refuse to ring me up at the grocery store. My relatives even engage in bullying behavior from time to time, so I avoid most family functions.
Workplace bullying is especially hard because the people bullying you are the same people in charge in most cases. If the bully isn't the boss, they are usually friends with the boss. From my experience, bullies are lazy and hate it when you make a noticeable work effort. It makes them look bad and they want you to leave. They will often collude with middle management to call you in for unscheduled meetings so that everyone can gang up on you and expose every perceived weakness that they can find about you, including things that are fictitious. Sometimes they will even move your desk or change your job description without notifying you first. This has actually happened to me before. It is especially frustrating when you are a temporary employee on an indefinite contract. I have been told that I was not allowed to take lunch or eat any of the pizza that was ordered for everyone else in the office because I did not work hard enough. This was untrue because I often worked through most of my breaks and lunches. Beware if you are a hard worker because you will have a larger and larger workload given to you each day. Eventually, you just end up quitting. That is not a point of weakness, it is just a fact of life. Sometimes you just need to move on for your own mental health.
I have cut my hair, stopped wearing makeup, gained a little weight, started wearing more modest clothing, went back to school,and still I am bullied. I used to think that people targeted me because I was tall/thin/pretty/smart/quiet/shy, but the truth is that no matter how I tried to disguise or downplay these attributes, I still have have bullies after me.
In school, I had people kick me, push my face into the water fountain as I was drinking, break my glasses, make fun of my hand-me-down clothes, and exclude me from birthday parties when they were inviting the whole class. The parents were so mean that they made false allegations against my parents for child abuse. My parents were poor and couldn't afford to buy us clothing and shoes, so people gave us things that their children had out grown. My parents took the 'spare the rod, spoil the child approach' to discipline, but never subjected me to anything as bad as the kids at school could do. I avoided the restroom at all costs because I knew that other girls threatened to beat me up. As I got older, I found it hard to stay employed due to harassment from other employees and sometimes bosses. If there wasn't something wrong with me or my job performance, they would just make something up and keep the pressure on until I quit. I often found myself in mentally and physically abusive relationships. There was one situation in which I was lucky to escape with my life. Thankfully, I now have a sweet husband who treats me with respect.
This may sound irrational to some people out there, but I, (and most of the people reading this), know that this stuff really does happen. Just remember that you are not the problem and you are not alone.
Bullied in most jobs i have ever had
by: Estella

I am so glad I have read these experiences that other people have had. I now know it is the bullies that have the problem and not me. Like others I have been bullied at work because the bully has thought I was pretty, intelligent and more popular than them. The best thing to do is to laugh at them and pretend you are not bothered by them. I know I am a much better person and I do not need to put others down to make myself feel better. I have very good friends who are very supportive and helpful and I am doing a foundation course at university.
Good vs evil
by: Violet

Life is harder for people who are highly sensitive. When I was younger and more beautiful people walked all over me. My parents were highly critical, abusive and ignored my emotional needs. So I had very low self esteem and hardly any social skills as they isolated me too. This made me a walking target for bullies at school and work. I began a relationship with a man who saw me as a sitting target, and forced me to get pregnant. Even at hospital when I went into labour I got shouted at by nurses whilst I was in extreme pain, was left alone for 12 hours, they didn't call the anaesthetist even though I asked many times, and the doctor asked me personal questions as he was performing a forceps procedure to remove the baby. This is an example of when I was at my most vulnerable and still bullied. Was fired from my job a few days ago because I stood up to a co worker who had constantly wrongly accused me of making mistakes and a supervisor who had it in for me from day one. No matter what happens I will continue to love myself and try to build my self esteem. It is easy to leave a situation where you're being bullied, but if you try and stay there it will drain you spiritually. I try to avoid negative people but you will always find them at work. I've put up with this for many years I'm 41. Even though my parents had their own business which we could have taken over but they refused. I see bullies and evil people as animals they are not spiritual or transcendent like us and will come back life after like whereas good people are just a step away from Heaven.
How To Deal With Workplace Bullies
by: Bella

I want to tell you a story about how to get a bully off your back. Like many of you, I came from a highly critical, unsupportive family that taught me to be unceasingly polite, hard-working and ethical. And like many of you, I constantly caught hell for this. Unfortunately, my older brothers were well-known trouble makers and I also spent a lot of time trying to rise above my family's bad reputation. I went through years and years of both school and workplace bullying. I ignored it. Let it roll off my back and tried to maintain a facade of cheerfulness and efficiency.

Until one day. I took a low level job at a major software company where I was charged with both answering the department's phones and the duplication of several types of software discs. it would seem like a bad idea to combine these two duties into one job right from the get-go, right? Some of the software I was copying sold for $50.00, while some was highly technical and site licenses sold for as much as $5,000. It would be financially devastating to the company were I to make a mistake and duplicate the $5,0000 discs onto blanks labeled with the $50 label. This briefly crossed my mind, but I was careful and never gave it another thought.

My co-worker, an older woman who had been with the company for many years, had taken an instant dislike to me. She hadn't attended college and called me "college girl" instead of using my name. I don't think she ever used my name. She was member of a clique with three other women, with whom she gossiped about me. I went to see a band perform at a club one night and the stamp was difficult to take off, so some remained. She told people I hung out in clubs, slept with people indiscriminately (even though I was married!) and took drugs. She fished around in my coat pocket one day, found my echinacea and vitamin c pills and turned them into management as drugs! What an idiot.

The other women would roll their eyes and giggle at me whenever I was around and they would report me if I didn't leave to go to lunch on time. I had to get coverage to use the bathroom (since I answered phones and ran machines that could jam) and they would either refuse to cover for me or walk away in the middle of coverage. Although we were all in the same department they told management that I was a trouble maker. They also said that I was making huge mistakes in duplicating discs and four discs were intercepted with the label of a cheap disc but the content of the most expensive one. I began to wonder if their constant harassment and undermining was turning my brain to mush. They had my lunch time changed (!) to a time after theirs because they said I was always starting fights and it was upsetting to them. This was totally untrue. I was sent to HR and told that I was being written up because my co-workers had told them about what a bad attitude problem I had. I was waiting to be fired and totally confused about how I could be making such huge duplication errors.

I went to lunch in the company break room one day and after about ten minutes I realized that I had left my book back in my desk. I walked back to my work area to find my four idiot co-workers gathered giggling around the disc duplication center as they intentionally copied the most expensive software into 50 discs with the cheapest labels on them. I suddenly realized that I had NOT been making mistakes, they had been sabotaging me. I turned to the ringleader of the group and in a calm, low voice said, "Look Mary, I'm sorry about your mental illness. It must be very hard for you to keep it together at work. I'm sorry your husband is screwing around on you. That's tough. But it's not my fault you have all of those problems and you need to get your damn act together!" Then I gathered up all the discs and took them straight to HR.

I wish I could say that HR fired that idiot, but they didn't. She did however, quit a month later. She never looked me in the face again and she never said another thing about me. Interestingly, she and her husband divorced. He HAD been screwing around on her. Guess I picked up on something about him that turned out to be true. After that incident I learned something about how to deal with bullies. Whenever you're bullied at work, start taking notes on them. Document everything and try to get them to put it in writing. Make note of things they do that go against company policy. Then grab that person by the hand, take them into a separate room, slam the door behind you to draw attention to what's going on and lay out in no uncertain terms to them that they're going to stop doing what they're doing right now or you are going to ruin them at that company. Believe me, it's very effective.
F bullies
by: Mariam

After years of getting bullied in school last year high school I got bullied heavily by the boys and girls, girls turned the boys against me I became nervous doing mistakes stumbling and falling which attracted more bullying I found out later I was drop dead beautiful after I graduated I knew why I was bullied. Its being attractive. I am getting bullied until now I developed PTSD in my high school after bullying. It was a very bad system in my school that did not protect students. I was as well from a good family compare to them my parents are both doctors and I was very smart and funny and I flaunted it. Even my sister treated me badly because she felt compared to me a lot. The only way to deal with bullying is labeling it knowing that you are being bullied and knowing why. Do not mingle with people who do not respect you. Bullied victims are usually ethical fair just superstars and make bullies feel little and nothing. Either Leave a place were you are bullied and find another place there is always kind decent people. Otherwise be an animal towards these bullies because they are animals as well. Tell them you will ruin them if they mess with you they only fear strength. Don't let them affect your health they are insects and never endure their abuse I developed PTSD because I endured the stress they caused me by name calling and I was too shy to ask for help from my parents and my stupid school staff knew about the bullying but the protected the bullies. For any bullying target you are a star you deserve better be strong you are being bullied because they can't handle feeling little compare to you.
I think I win
by: Anonymous

Sorry I have not read everyones posts but I think I win. I took an overdose because I was bullied and was in hospital for 4 weeks, I didnt even make it out of ITU without being bullied. Talk about feeling like the most hated person on the planet.
been bullied since internship
by: Anonymous

Hi,
I am Swathy. I have been bullied since internship. In my internship the senior executive to whom I had to report would yell at me everyday. She would never give me any directions on how to do the job. And I had to work on one excel sheet for two months over and over again which almost left me sick.
Post that in every job I have been asked to work on one function for 5 to 6 months post which they tell me I have an attitude problem/not good enough for the function/do not have skills etc.In this period of 5 to 6 months I work the hardest in the team and am barely provided any feedback/warning.Then I am shifted to a lower position where I work for about 3 or 4 months after which I am shifted again or asked to leave because there are no more positions. In the meanwhile colleagues who look better but who hardly do any work or deliver results are treated like the most important people on the planet.
The last job I had it the worst. Colleagues who behaved the worst with me have been motivated/encouraged and given every opportunity to improve on their work. While they were laughing at my face/being horrible to my face or gossiping about me the managers would turn their face away. I would receive brickbats for even the tiniest of problems.And once they have shifted me, a dozen managers have sniggered saracstically at me while commenting " we bullied you and we had so much fun". I do not how to get out of this trap. The only job where I have been taken seriously is a job I got fired from in a month and a half.
All that said I ama little weird. I have bad non verbal expressions and am awkward when walking and do not dress conventionally.
I am going to a therapist and an image consultant to get some help on the same.
Hopefully things improve.
Exhausted
by: Anonymous

I am so relieved that I came across these comments because it is the first time I have read anything in this detail about bullying. These experiences are identical to what I have been experiencing for 40 years (I can't believe it, myself). I have managed to survive financially but it is getting harder because the last job I resigned from after 11 weeks. Four people had started the same trouble for me that I was hoping to get away from once and for all but to my horror started again. I got reported by e-mail by one girl for something that was not my fault and I had to explain to the manager what happened. He seemed to take my side but the supervisor didn't. Then the supervisor ramped up her hostile behavior towards me with nitpicking and complaining about everything (even though I know I was doing the job well). Another employee who was the worst bully struck. She had been making comments to me over the 3 months I worked there and harassing me about my hours (I had more than her) and she didn't like it. She started yelling at me one day when no one else was around and I tried hard to accommodate her but it didn't work. I tried speaking with the supervisor because I was severely traumatized by it, I couldn't shake it. She didn't believe me and wanted to know what I expected her to do about it? She was only 21 years old, I knew it was useless but I had to try. She reported me to the manager. I told him what happened but he didn't get it and was frustrated because of the other incident. He spoke to the other woman and she apparently lied by turning it around. He became very angry, ignored me and at the end of day instructions he usually gave to me he gave to her. May sound trivial but it was hurtful because he left without saying goodbye and gave me a death look with cold eyes (never before had he done that and I knew my reputation was destroyed with him forever). I called out sick (unusual for me) because I was scared. I have been bullied in every job and now I start to get angry inside when it happens again because I know I am friendly, hardworking, doing above and beyond and the parents/kids like me. Working in a preschool or any child/camp is hell because this is where bullying originates. I know it is the wrong field for me but with my sensitive personality I am great with kids. I lost my partner to a horrific illness 7 years ago. He was sweet and understanding. I am from the UK and the US is tough where I think bullying is worse. I am crying on the inside and I just cannot take it anymore. I can retire in 4 years but it won't be much and hard to live off. People start questioning me immediately due to my accent. Want to know where I am from, how long I have lived here etc. Why I came? I don't want to go into it anymore it is so painful. I know I am different from the get go. I am also young-looking, slim, fairly attractive, high morals and fairly intelligent. I never thought of these things working against me in the workforce but they do. This particular woman was an ex-realtor weighing nearly 300 lbs and very bossy and intimidating. She took me out on the first incident. I know she was fully intending to get rid of me and would do anything to take me out that first time. She needed more hours and wanted my shift, she herself told me prior to this incident. The incident was horrific. The worst I have ever encountered with her projecting many things on to me that were in fact about her. I see that now but at the time I was shocked. I am very friendly and respectful of people. She had the nerve to tell me "I treat people like crap, and she is nice, you wouldn't find a nicer person than her". I couldn't believe it because I hadn't done anything. I realize now you don't have to do anything. It is just your presence alone that bothers them. She was insecure and her behavior was odd to me, almost crazy making/bipolar. No one else seemed to be aware of it, yet so obvious to me. I ended up resigning from this job, there were 4 of them on to me and one was the manager. Once my reputation is destroyed that is it for me. I did like the job but the people were unbearable. Minimum wage jobs are not worth it because there you attract an even lower standard of people. I miss the hot tub and treadmills etc. but working in that sick environment isn't worth it. Other employees were in conflict with one another regarding the computer/drawer. I worked 25-30 hrs a week and the others were one/two nights a week and they managed to get me out of there due to jealously. I did get my unemployment back but it runs out in 3 months. I know, the next job will be the same because everywhere I go I get picked on for no reason. If they cannot find anything they will fabricate things and blow things out of proportion. If a mistake is made by them they will cover things up and even blame me when it was may be a 10% slip on my part but 90% them. I placed cookies on a table for random children and wasn't told by the lead teacher in the classroom that there was a child who had her own snack. When they all sat down her snack wasn't laid out. I rotated classrooms so it is hard to know everything until you get used to the routine. However, she was the teacher in there and should have known. No harm done though because the child was old enough to know and asked for her snack. The teacher freaked out because the child was on a gluten free diet per mom and she grabbed a couple of kids to leave me at ratio and marched down to the director's office and reported it. I got yelled at by the director. I tried all the tactics I have learned and told her I was sorry that I should have looked at the binder. She was so hard on me and had bullied me for 3 years at the job for one thing or another. I find when you have one incident they may let it go but when another incident surfaces you are toast. Multiple things like this happen to me over and over. No matter how hard I try to prevent things from happening they just happen. And, to add insult to injury the binder was not up to date. I checked it after the meeting with the director and there was no page in it for the child. I mentioned it to the teacher because I couldn't stand the fact that I had got reprimanded and she took no responsibility (typical). They printed the sheet and added it to the binder. No one apologized. It was still considered my fault. I am blamed for things I have nothing to do with. I am a scapegoat. I haven't recovered from the first preschool because something very hurtful happened there that is too hard for me to endure. They wouldn't let me take a break and my frozen shoulder that I had to work with for 3 years just kept getting aggravated. I lift 30 lbs changing diapers etc. In the middle of another conflict that wasn't my fault I crumbled. It was a week before Christmas and I missed my boyfriend. I couldn't take it anymore. I was in pain all over my body due to stress, anxiety. I told the director that I could call the state because I should be allowed to get a break. Not even 10 mins would they give me after a 6 hr shift of screaming kids, diapers, playground duty etc. The director told the owner behind my back. The owner freaked out. I met with her about workforce abuse since it had got to me after 3 yrs. She didn't want to hear it. She warned me that if I mentioned anything she would call the police and have me removed. I have no record with the police and couldn't believe what I was hearing. They cut my hours to 3 a day which I couldn't survive on. I told her I didn't know how to continue and started to explain an incident where I was getting blamed about a boy's milk. She picked up the phone and called the police. I know it is hard to believe but this is the truth. I was calm, not worked up, very professional with her, not causing any commotion etc. I know I did nothing wrong. I picked up my belongings and said I was leaving because I did not want the police to be involved. I know if they came they would handcuff me in a preschool thinking I was dangerous or something. I clocked out and left. I was terrified over Christmas without my boyfriend and wondering if the cops were looking for me. I shared my story with a so-called friend and now she doesn't even speak to me. I knew her for 25 years. Surely, she knows me and should believe me. I did get unemployment because I had documentation. Less than 3 months later I got this job at the gym working with kids. I was proud of myself for getting back out there and getting the job but yet again similar things happened. The manager liked me and said how mellow I was and I believe he got deceived by these women and lost his confidence in me. I am severely traumatized. I know it was retaliation because I mentioned calling the state. That's why I know sticking it out doesn't help. I just have more and more incidents that occur and more and more trauma ballooning to the point where I cannot function. I am in pain and a recent brain scan showed atrophy of the brain (quite substantial for my age). No illnesses explain it. It is severe trauma, my spirit is broken by how I have been treated. My parents bullied me, too. I had a horrible upbringing and a brief marriage where I was mistreated, too. Now, at nearly 58 yrs old I find myself unemployed again. I am at the end of my rope. I try ignoring them, not retaliating but it is hard as they get to mistreat me. They don't deserve respect & I still give it. I am meek, sensitive and shy, I attract many different bullies, overweight ones, manipulative ones, crazy-making ones and even people that are so sweet and never had any problems with anyone kind of people and others are shocked that they jump on the bandwagon. Things seem to be stacked against me from the beginning and there are always extenuating circumstances that find me and no one else.
Here is an excellent website that will tell you how to react to mobbing and bullying.
by: Anonymous

It stinks to live your life being mobbed and bullied. I keep my head on straight, eat healthy, care for myself, and look to my love and faith for God. It helps but it does not solve the problem. However, I look at these perpetrators and realize that they are a miserable group of people- ugly, nasty, mean, vindictive - and how unhappy they are. I guess that is their punishment and I have nothing to do with it - must be God! My faith always renewed!

But here are excellent reading material for those of us that suffer, and it is truly a horrendous suffering:

Signs of Emotional Abuse at Work (and How to React)

When Conflict In The Workplace Escalates To Emotional Abuse

Victims of mobbing and bullying do not have a reputation of not performing well, not meeting organizational standards, or who could not get along with others to begin with. Quite the contrary, more often than not, the targets had been esteemed members of the organization. (Noa Zanolli, Ph.D, 2017)

Mobbing--the emotional abuse--is a form of violence (Noa Zanolli, Ph.D, 2017)
Always Bullied
by: Anonymous

I am always, always, always bullied. Bullied by husbands and boyfriends, by friends, by in-laws, by family members, bullied by girls in particular at work who are at the same level as me. I am sick of it. I don't have any real friends, perhaps because people think I think I am a victim, but what are you supposed to do when you are being victimized? It's too much. I used to try to help other people who were being victimized, but then they would turn against me. People are crazy. They're mean, callous, stupid, and cruel.
It goes on. And on. ...
by: David

I am 60. Lifelong bully magnet. Just reported my latest problem this week. Sympathy but no feedback or obvious action yet. Inteligent male btw. Also noteworthy that bpth genders have enjoyed bullying me. Never yet felt that a management response has been adequate or proportionate. Roll on retirement.
My ethics and morality bother people
by: Anonymous

I also have been bullied all my life. It's not that I'm very attractive; I'm maybe 6 out of 10.

I believe one reason that I get bullied is because I have strong ethics and morality. I don't want to lie, about anything, and I've had employers that wanted me to lie for them and fired me when I didn't. I even had one that wanted me to break the law--I refused and was fired. I contacted attorneys, was told it was useless to sue them. I contacted the EEOC, again, not discrimination according to them.

I'm also higher IQ than most people I've worked with, which I think is another trigger for these bullies. And I have some artistic talents, which I've noticed makes some people jealous and bully me too.

But it's not just the work place where I suffer. I've had groups of so-called "friends" in social groups turn against me. This has happened several times in my life. It's interesting. I'd have this social group of "friends" and some new person would come into the group, someone who I later would recognize as very narcissistic. That person would then systematically turn every single so-called "friend" against me and push me out of the group.

I went in to business for myself because I'd be bullied in each job I had, so I gave up working for someone else. I was successful for a while but now, it seems I've been blacklisted and can't get much work. I'm not part of the cliques which control this small city and even though I have more talent than most of the people who are getting the work.

Sometimes I get so depressed that I fantasize about moving to middle of nowhere where i don't have to deal with people and just try to live off the land or die trying.

The few people that do seem to care tell me I need to ignore the bullies because they will give up when they see they're not having an effect, but I've tried that also through my four plus decades of life and that theory (which is I believe in psychology is called the theory of extinction) didn't work for me.
I hear you
by: Tornado

"Grand daughter fodder " I'd take exception at that and find out what he means, as it seems like really inappropriate language to be using in a work place and sounds negative. I feel even more aggrieved for you because this is going on in a voluntary post where you would think people should be grateful to get conscious young people to work for free. You can bet the managers will not be doing it for free basically if they don't treat you in a fair and respectful way tell them to f;;'off.

I think being a victim of bullying is a tricky place to be in because one thing many will level back at you is that your over sensitive or perceived their behaviour in a wrong way. Even standing up can backfire and cost jobs sometimes the situation is no win I've been there.
Also all the fake bullying support services that claim to be out there are a waste of time , we live in a competitive individualistic society bullying what ever anyone says is a fabric of our society. Adult bullying in the workplace is much more trickier to tackle then at school.
I think the thing to do is find something your really passionate about work hard at it don't listen to people who tell you to give up at the first hurdle plug away at it and as long as you like it stick with it. The more you achieve in life the more you will feel better and more assured of your own self , powerful successful people also get bullied look at famous achievers they get trolled every day and told their doing a crap job etc not living their life right. I think people are always going to knock others to make themselves feel superior , complaining might help in some situations often it just tones things down for a while and the problem's start up the victim wrongly accused of being the problem. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself.
Not Alone
by: Anonymous

so glad I found this page, I know that i'm not alone. I was bullied terribly throughout secondary school, made my life hell, from tennis balls being hit into my head throughout p.e (teacher didn't care) to being put in hospital once when I was 15, then when I left school and got away from the bullies they then bullied me online with blog website pages on how ugly I was (this was 15 years ago before trolling was a thing)

I then joined a college, and a small group of boys use to call me michael jackson and pete burns (I was pale with dark hair)

Things were fine at uni, but then I stated full time work and this women bullied me all the time. She would scream at me over the tiniest thing, she accused me of stealing (which was so horrible I would never steal)- talk behind my back all the time. she use to go through my draws after work looking for ways to catch me out. she was whisper to her coworkes -is she pregnant? If I put on weight. I left the job.

So many situations not in the work place, where I'm always targeted to being bullied or I seem to make people really angry, I don't know why.

For instance...

I remember walking into my husbands law firm and sitting in a seat in the lobby, and the security man started screaming his head off at me for not "signing in" (I had been there loads, never needed to sign in) he screamed at me in front of loads of people and my husbands co-workers, was so unnecessary and so humiliating.

Another time, I went to the theatre in London and I took a photo of the stage before the show.. everyone was. But this girl who worked there targeted me and started shouting (like so angry) she could of just told me politely to put the phone camera away.

I remember walking down the road and I had a ladder in my tights and a group of girls stopped the car and started laughing at my tights and told me to buy new ones... so pathetic

I could honestly talk till the cows come home of the many situations i've been in where i've been targeted for no reason. I honestly don't know what i'm doing wrong.
all my life
by: Maj

at the age of 50, I am over the bullying atmosphere of current society. In High school, I was unable to go to the toilet for fear of being beaten to a pulp. Throughout my working life, I am constantly a target. Right now I work in the public health system in Victoria, Australia, and the bullying is coming from management down. I just want it to end. I have thought about going on anti depressants again, but realised it is only in this hell hole I feel depressed. Every job, I have ever had bar 1 when I was a teenager has been the same. Since the age of 7 I have been a target. 44 years of it. Make it stop.
Common denominator
by: Anonymous

Look at the common denominator in every post here.
Also experienced this, move out of the way and succeed
by: Anonymous

I haven't had time to read every comment but I'd like to say I have also experienced this and there is a possibility that the first comment is true. However, I'm a man, not a pretty girl and 42. I had success in my life achieved career objectives made some money and also struggled with no money I've lived in London and New York - 10 years in each. In the workplace, I've seen the same bullying behavior done to me again and again and it's terrifying each time. I work in film and tv, galleries and sometimes in the service industry and I wonder whether these unregulated industries are the worst place for bullies, they can hide in them and move on easily. It's very difficult not to think you are doing something wrong and you are cursed. It feels like even by telling someone what happened to you, you are somehow responsible for it or even deserve it. Even writing this I'm thinking I must have done something wrong as once again I have had to leave another position because someone told me I'm poisonous and advertised my job without even firing me first (I've never spoken to this bully - she just chose me). I would say that there is something about being good looking and sensitive at the same time which really pisses off bullies I'm not sure why. There are only two solutions to bullying one is punch them on the nose the other is to turn your back - which is what Teresa May advocates, take that as you will. Of course, punching people on the nose is not possible so all you can do is leave the job. Until industries are properly regulated bullies will always win, unfortunately in my experience they nearly always do. Ironically schools are the only place it is strictly forbidden to bully in all other places it is a 'gray area.' There are good jobs and good places out there, I've worked at many. You need to recognize it is happening to you and get out of the situation with as little fuss as possible. You will find another better situation which embraces you and your talents properly, you will succeed. I also do not recommend telling people around you about it, people are naturally judgmental and very few people are trustworthy, if you tell others they will tell others and it may plant seeds of doubt in people's minds as to your behaviour. I recommend a close family member or therapist and that's it. I hope society changes and bullies don't win but at the moment the system as I have experienced it lets them get away with it. Move out of their way and succeed, your achievements are your best revenge.
Living in fear
by: Anonymous

I have been bullied all my life. Used to be beaten up every Friday at high school. Was regularly beaten from my husband. Divorced him put my disabled son into residential care. Started work in a busy office where I was bullied. Left to look after my mother who had dementia when she passed my siblings(5) all turned against me and have ostracized me. Started work in another office. I was bullied again and there was a conspiracy against me that I would die if I retired. I left one year ago at the age of 65 I still cry from all the bullying and hatred I have endured in my life. I have always been a kind and loving person and would help anyone. What's been done to me I would never even contemplate doing to another. I have become a hermit and don't socialise and find it hard to trust people. I wish I knew why me.?
Bullied Relentlessly
by: Jennifer

I'm almost 49, and I've been bullied since I was 3. It started from my sister to students, teachers, coworkers, management, supervisors, strangers. I've been physically assaulted, sexually harassed, put down, ostracized over the years. This has even increased during the pandemic. I'm treated as though something is "wrong" with me, strangers are either sarcastically pulling away from me or invading my space as though I'm in fear. I'm treated like a freak or monster, bullies hate on anyone who is different. It doesn't have to be you're pretty, competent or otherwise, bullies will pick on anything under the sun, they're just all of the belief their victims won't fight back. And in the cases of stigma and isolation, they want YOU to believe something is wrong with you, when THEY'RE the ones that have something wrong with THEM. When you do speak up, they hate you even more because you've done the unexpected. At work I have to keep notes about what's happening because it's a toxic management. They encourage bullying and punishment. They'll do it in small ways, anything I say can and will be held against me. Coworkers watch every move I make and behave like children taking away a toy. I've nearly walked out the door, but I have to pay the rent since I'm alone. I'm at the end of my rope and thoughts of suicide have increased. I'm truly considering it.
Woman, 47, Bullied in Every Job I've Ever Done
by: Anonymous

I'm so pleased to have found this web page.

Obviously not pleased that so many of us are experiencing bullying in the workplace / other areas.

I have just started a new job and really flying (as usual)... until the subtle comments have started. People always want me out and it's because I'm talented in my work.

I'm creative also and volunteer leading a choir, although the other lead is now bullying me (subtly). I've been doing really well, but I'm so sad that I can't seem to be welcomed.

My last job, I was bullied out of it because my new boss didn't like the fact that I was more capable than her (although I didn't try to show it). I do my best to even play my skills down, I go out of my way to be nice... but the bullying always starts. The boss ending up telling the entire team stories about me, and when I went into work, no one spoke to me and 2 weeks later, I was called into a HR meeting to say that I wasn't performing! And this company prided itself on being a 'great place to work' as well as training all their staff on 'unconscious bias'!

Back to today and at age 47, I was actually crying this evening as I see it's all starting all over again... and there is nothing I can do. If I try to speak to someone else, then it will appear that I"m the trouble maker. I'm just great at my job and pretty clever, and just kind.

I'm losing confidence every day, but keep telling myself I know that these people are threatened by me, but I really don't want to be a threat to anyone. I just want a chance to thrive and do well. But people around keep bringing me down.

I've even thought about getting counselling to cope as it deeply upsets me.

I'll end this message with my favourite quote from Albert Einstein:

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly." Albert Einstein.

I wonder if we can set up a support chat group - live chat - for those of us going through this. I need help!
Bosses Need To Identify Top Performers as Bullying Targets
by: Anonymous

I am someone who has always excelled. I am also on the spectrum and I have savant syndrome. Because of this, I have an extreme good memory that allows me to learn most jobs in 1/3 of the time that it would take other people. I am also told that I am pretty, even though I don’t always see it.

People can immediately tell that I am different. I am shorter and look younger than I am, so female co-workers usually try to befriend me thinking that they will boss me around and use my talents for their personal gain. When bosses start to notice me for my own talents instead and I stop being a door mat, this is when the bullying starts.

I have had women bully me to the point in which it almost ruined my entire career. HR never stops it. They blame the victims. It is so unfair.

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