Always Getting Bullied

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Always Getting Bullied

by Liz
(Scotland, UK)

No matter where I go, what employment I get I am always bullied in the organisation. It makes me think what I am doing wrong. I was bullied every single day at the Doctor's sugery. It took the form of a drip drip effect. It started with gossiping behind my back; invading my personal space; blaming me all the time for things that where not my fault; being patronizing to me; Making insulting comments directly to me concerning my mental health conditions; overloading me with too much work and not enough time to complete it. Lying about the quality and quantity of work in a spreadsheet and the Manager e-maiied it to me!!!! Colleagues would report me to the Manager if I done anything that was not classed as perfect; if I was one minute late it was logged while all other colleagues could get away with anything. I was constantly critised and scapegoated, humiliated in meetings; The new Head Receptionist was told to "keep an eye on me" and constantly was breathing down up neck, snapped at and shouted at. If I took my hands away from the keyboard for less than a minutes she would shout at me "get on with your work!!!" while others would be able just to lazy about gossiping.

Now I am doing volunteering at a muesum and most of the volunteers are older than me and one volunteer branded me "Grand-daughter Fodder" and everything I do is because I am young, irresponsible and stupid. There is awfully awkward alarm system and I accidently set it off and ended up in bits because I felt so unless. Everytime I key in the code it says "Code denied" repeatly and it seems to take 6 attempts by that time the secuity procedure starts. The volunteer who does the secuity system reported me to the curator of the museum and the Volunteer Coordinator.

The curator came down but seemed to be really nice to me about it but the volunteer co-ordinator came in to do her shift and said to me "OH a heard about there was 'A Performance' this morning"

I just feel that it is starting to happen again. But this time the only factor I can thing of is my age. I was crying and crying.

People make mistakes all the time and I know that the volunteers make mistakes all the time too but it would be nice to find out what occurs when they make a mistake.

I am a bully magnet.

I cannot cope this it happening to me again while I am volunteering or am I imagining things due to my last experience????

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Always Getting Bullied

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Sep 12, 2009

Bully Magent?
by: Anonymous

You didn't say, but I can about figure it out. You may well be a bully magnet if: 1)You are young and pretty 2)You are pretty and intelligent 3)You are intelligent and what is known as a "highly sensitive person" I have observed throughout my rather long life that any/all of those combinations are lethal for a female and she often becomes a bully magnet. Most people are very insecure, and if someone is blessed with talents and qualities they lack, all they know is to bully. If you are also a highly sensitive person, you can't help but react, and they find pleasure in bringing you to tears. But it's not easy to close our eyes and ears and not hear or see what they are doing. A therapist once told me that only 5% of the people are "worth knowing" if we have such a combination. The best we can do is try to stay away from the rotten apples, and seek out the "five percent" of "creme de le creme" of thought, motivation and talent, and stick as close to them as we can as they are "our own kind." They understand. They will support. They will protect. It is a learning process, and it doesn't happen overnight. But trust me, it can be done and life gets infinitely easier once you learn to avoid the sources.

Oct 02, 2009

Magnetic
by: Anonymous

I am a bullying magnet as well. I was mystified by the continuous stream of bullies I run into, but the previous comments may well be true, because I am all those things and also competent. The bullying causes nervousness which increases mistakes. I'm seeking solutions or methods to deal with this. Anyone have effective techniques to deal?

Dec 30, 2009

Always Getting Bullied
by: Anonymous

I agree that being pretty, competent and talented will bring on bullies. Even at age 50, I am still being bullied where I work, by people who are older, physically unattractive, carry chips on their shoulders and not nearly as competent; several have always held low-paying jobs and had troubled childhoods. But I have also been bullied in an academic environment by people with PH.Ds and upper-status positions, too. It does not matter how nice you are, either; they will always find something about you that they don't like, to build on. A dog that will fetch a bone will carry it; and you must either be able to intimidate the bully back or get them/him/her fired. If neither of these tactics work, then you are SOL. Human Resources and lawyers might help some of you - in my situation, they never have.

The only thing that will keep competent, peaceable employees from being bullied is a highly competent, vigilant, incorruptible management that keeps an active eye out for these bully tactics, recognizes them, sizes the situation up accurately; and fires the instigator(s) immediately. And how many places will most of us encounter that have that kind of management staff in place?

I have researched the topic of workplace bullying now for a number of years; and have concluded that it is a social-biological condition that has carried over from our most primal origins. If you associate or work with people who are wired to use these instincts more often than you yourself do, you will not be able to fit in with them. And they will know it and react in primal ways, much the way threatened or power-starved chimpanzees do.

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Dec 30, 2009
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Submitted by: Anonymous

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Comment
I agree that being pretty, competent and talented will bring on bullies. Even at age 50, I am still being bullied where I work, by people who are older, physically unattractive, carry chips on their shoulders and not nearly as competent; several have always held low-paying jobs and had troubled childhoods. But I have also been bullied in an academic environment by people with PH.Ds and upper-status positions, too. It does not matter how nice you are, either; they will always find something about you that they don't like, to build on. A dog that will fetch a bone will carry it; and you must either be able to intimidate the bully back or get them/him/her fired. If neither of these tactics work, then you are SOL. Human Resources and lawyers might help some of you - in my situation, they never have. The only thing that will keep competent, peaceable employees from being bullied is a highly competent, vigilant, incorruptible management that keeps an active eye out for these bully tactics, recognizes them, sizes the situation up accurately; and fires the instigator(s) immediately. And how many places will most of us encounter that have that kind of management staff in place? I have researched the topic of workplace bullying now for a number of years; and have concluded that it is a social-biological condition that has carried over from our most primal origins. If you associate or work with people who are wired to use these instincts more often than you yourself do, you will not be able to fit in with them. And they will know it and react in primal ways, much the way threatened or power-starved chimpanzees do.

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Jan 09, 2010

DONT LET THEM WIN... TAKE CONTROL DONT GIVE IT TO THEM
by: AMANDA

i feel for you soo much.. bullies cant even admit to themselve what they are doing and the mobbing effect you are experiencing i have also experieced it.. its safety in numbers it like bullies love to see you crack ... it destroys your confidence in yourself in your decisisons it makes you hyper aware of what is going on around you then you make mistakes because your full concentration is given to this fear and thats what they create a complete fear of life..you do this subconciously as protection you are watching all the time so if some thing bad happens you are prepared downside, it creates paranoia and sometimes you are reading into things that are not there and your reaction to this also gives people cause for gossip. you canot get out off this bulling pattern alone i suggest you ask your dr about cbt.. cognitive behavioural therapy. good luck keep your chin up... stay positive you are not weak they are..have confidence they are so threatened by you and they feel the need to hurt you because of this.. you must be something special dont let them win... switch off to this do your job ... the more you worry it will be noticed and bullies can smell vunerablity... go girl beat hem... if it all becomes too much dont fight back record .. record .. record... xoxoxoox

Jan 29, 2010

Me too!
by: Susan

I too am a bully magnet. But not all work places did it happen to me. Some places that i worked had only kind people there. Not perfect people, but kind and decent types. Keep looking for a place like that. Just keep moving on till you do. I have worked in many places. The bullies never change. It is not you. Keep looking for another job. there are good places. Do not drive yourself crazy, trying to stick it out - they will not stop. You cannot change them. Move on, till you find good people!

Jan 30, 2010

Hi there..
by: Susan 2

I don't know what it is about our day and age which encourages so much bullying, but one 'theory' I have (for what it's worth) is that since the Industrial Revolution we seem to have moved away from a working day which revolved mainly around our families and those we loved, to living and working among strangers who we have nothing in common with.
Some people see more of their boss nowadays than they do of their own family.
Sorry, I am not trying to give anyone a history lesson, I am just trying to get to the bottom of why the modern workplace has seemingly become such an abusive environment for so many people.
I am sorry you have experienced so much bullying.
I am also wondering if women are worse than men at bullying, but I don't want to be labelled as sexist.
One solution is to become self-employed in some way, but that is not always easy.
I hope you find a job you can be happy in. Keep looking and good luck.

May 14, 2010

here I am again one big magnet
by: christine

I am now in my fifties and have spent the last 40 years dealing with being bullied . I am so tired of it , I have just left one job and started another one and here it is again , what is always good is the realisation again thats its not me !!! Other individuals feel it too but i find it all too exhausting as I am a sensitive fun loving person who seems to attract bullies .
I am now really having to think hard about how i look for jobs , if anyone can help with tips to recognise a bully in an interview please please I would like help - I am looking at transactional analysis to explain the role i play as victim amd hoping to find a way to avoid being the victim statein the future without changing me too much

May 17, 2010

Bad Time in Workplace
by: Anonymous

I too have been bullied over the last three years at two different jobs my current job it started the first day I was employed I had one of my coworkers shove me physically and I have been belittled during meetings and reports that I have written changed to add mistake to them by my boss. I made the mistake of trying to turn in my resignation right before my six month probation was up as I felt something bad was coming and they would not except it and told me they wanted to keep me then the next week extended my probation 90 more days now I am going to turn in my resignation and they said dont worry about it as I have already done that I can just leave anytime. They dont want me to be able to draw unemployment benefits...sorry so long I just had to tell someone. Most of my friends are afraid to talk to me and the few that do dont beleive me they think I am stressed out and crazy..

May 31, 2010

Bully magnets...
by: 'Sarah'

I must admit to being a bit of a bully 'magnet' myself.
I think once the bullying has started it can be very difficult to stop it. The secret is to learn how to prevent it from happening in the first place. This must involve changing some very fundamental aspect about me, but I am not sure what.
Not all quiet or sensitive people end up getting bullied, but having those characteristics can certainly make it more likely that you will be a target.
Some of us just have a knack for getting 'homed' in on by the wrong people. None of my family, as far as I know, have been through the kind of bullying I have endured over the years.
I keep asking, 'Why me?' 'Why not anyone else in my family?'
In the end you start to feel like a targeted individual. You stop going out, avoid social situations as much as possible. It is how I am nowadays.
I am not terrified of being in amongst a crowd, as some people say they are; but I do feel very apprehensive about it.
If my partner wants us to go to a social event, be it a dinner or dance, I cannot look forward to it at all. I know what might happen. I have become almost fatalistic about it, and I know it is all wrong.
It cannot be normal to feel that way. Surely going out to a dinner and dance is something you are supposed to look forward to - isn't it?
I can't tell him how I feel. He just doesn't understand.
I try to stay home as much as possible, but I wouldn't recommenend it to you as a good piece of advice.
I've attracted abuse just about everywhere, including in a church. If a bullied individual is not safe in The House of God, then where are they safe?
I know you are only young, and I hope that you can find a way out of all this. You don't want to be bullied all your life. It can turn you into a virtual recluse in the end.

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May 31, 2010
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Submitted by: 'Sarah'

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I must admit to being a bit of a bully 'magnet' myself. I think once the bullying has started it can be very difficult to stop it. The secret is to learn how to prevent it from happening in the first place. This must involve changing some very fundamental aspect about me, but I am not sure what. Not all quiet or sensitive people end up getting bullied, but having those characteristics can certainly make it more likely that you will be a target. Some of us just have a knack for getting 'homed' in on by the wrong people. None of my family, as far as I know, have been through the kind of bullying I have endured over the years. I keep asking, 'Why me?' 'Why not anyone else in my family?' In the end you start to feel like a targeted individual. You stop going out, avoid social situations as much as possible. It is how I am nowadays. I am not terrified of being in amongst a crowd, as some people say they are; but I do feel very apprehensive about it. If my partner wants us to go to a social event, be it a dinner or dance, I cannot look forward to it at all. I know what might happen. I have become almost fatalistic about it, and I know it is all wrong. It cannot be normal to feel that way. Surely going out to a dinner and dance is something you are supposed to look forward to - isn't it? I can't tell him how I feel. He just doesn't understand. I try to stay home as much as possible, but I wouldn't recommenend it to you as a good piece of advice. I've attracted abuse just about everywhere, including in a church. If a bullied individual is not safe in The House of God, then where are they safe? I know you are only young, and I hope that you can find a way out of all this. You don't want to be bullied all your life. It can turn you into a virtual recluse in the end.

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Jun 01, 2010

Remove bullies from your life
by: Bully Repeller

I was bullied both in work and in school environments. It was very distressing for me and I eventually asked myself: Why is this happening to me? I did research (books and articles) and came up with the conclusion that it wasn't me that was causing the problem - it was the way I reacted. I realised that bullies want attention and will seek out the people they feel will most likely give them that. So, I decided to ignore the behaviour of bullies from then onwards. It was difficult at the beginning but I managed to be civil to these people without giving in to their bully attacks on me.
It was difficult for me at the beginning to simply ignore the attacks but I maintained a minimal reaction response and it proved to be highly effective.
I'm not guaranteeing that this tactic will work for everyone but it has worked for me.

Jun 02, 2010

update
by: christine

Hi again
since i first posted a comment a few weeks ago i decided to deal with the issue- i had a meeting with person involved - its definately how i react - so taking a deep breath - i explained how I felt - about not feeling safe - feeling challeneged - and explaining that i find it difficult wokring in this kind of environment - explaining that i am a sensitve person who needs to be trusted to do a task without feeling at anytime someone is going to question me - the repsonse was positive - to be honest - i need to learn to react differenlty to trust my intuition and notice the signs - i know now this wont happen in this job again -
its been a long journey dealing with bullying for over 40 years - its given me insight into how people react - i hope everyone can gain the inner strength to deal with thier situation and as the previous comment said to learn a new way to react

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