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Healing Rhythms

Backstabbing Coworker

I work with someone who is a backstabber to all that know them. When I became new in this position one of my friends warned me about them and gave me advise on who to trust. Boy, was I grateful for her advise. She was right on the money.

Since I have learned what this person is like I now keep track of any work that I need their approval on and keep a little notebook with this information and go back and look at the information if I did not get a response for it. I keep track of emails and save them along with decisions they make in case it would come back to haunt me.

One time I caught them sending a nasty email to a director about myself and a coworker. They tried to deny it; but it came up on that directors email when we were doing a conference call and he had his email up and everyone could see it. I now just choose to ignore them except for issues I am forced to deal with. I will not talk to them about personal stuff or ask them questions because I know they use those questions against you by going to the boss and complaining even if it is a valid question.

It drives me crazy to work with people like this. I have at least found co-workers that I know are trustworthy and ditch the other two that I know are nothing but trouble.

Comments for Backstabbing Coworker

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Identifying the Bullies Vital for Both Targets and Managers
by: Anton Hout

I'm glad you were able to get fair warning and find a way to work around the troublemakers. Something that business managers should take note of is how bullies like this undermine morale, teamwork and productivity. Targets have little other choice but to spend time documenting everything and networking for support.

If managers are receiving emails or direct communication from someone that is critical of a coworker it's necessary to remain objective and determine who the real problem employee is. Bullies will often malign their targets to coworkers and management in an attempt to get others to join in the abuse and do their dirty work for them. Once this happens the bullying turns into a mobbing.

Managers who are aware of the tactics used by bullies and don't let themselves be manipulated can intercede before their entire department or organization becomes toxic.

Psychological Bullying
by: Lou

This is done to undermine and make the victim "Double guess" their ability to perform their tasks, I know that, because, I have been a victim of it... By the very person who, pretended to care about me as a human being, but in turn used the knowledge he acquired by his lies against me. Don't let that happen to you...

Nasty Emails
by: Anonymous

I just recently discovered a nasty email about myself on a coworkers laptop. My coworker asked me to go on his computer and forward an email and I came across this email from another coworker tearing me apart. It was horrible. I thought this person was my friend. We are the only two women in the office and she has been there for 30 years and I have been there for 4. I have no one I can go to to talk to at the office because everyone is afraid of her and the owner can't run his company without her. She said some pretty nasty personal things about me but what really bothered me was she tore me up about doing my job. Complaining that I was doing my job!! She won't give me anything to do so I am limited on growth there but I liked the people I worked with and they seemed to like me but now I know differently. She writes nasty emails about the owner too. Everyone told me she was a control freak but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Now I'm dreading going back to work.

How to deal with bullies and backstabbers.
by: Anonymous

Boy, do I know bullies and backstabbers. They are miserable human beings. My experience has taught me to not try to deal with anyone other than the bully, backstabber, or boss. You never know if other people will support you in your effort to create a network to stop the bad behavior; people in your network may seek to damage you! If confronting the bully/backstabber doesn't work, then speak to the boss. If this fails then do your best work and either transfer or find a new job. Bullies and backstabbers will only work to destroy you if they have a mind to. They should be fired but often they are dynamic individuals and the higher-ups can't see how they really function. They are very good at hiding this from their superiors and appear to be very good productive employees. Be wise and fair in all your dealings and speak of your feelings only to the perpetrator or boss.

Backstabbers are Everywhere
by: Anonymous

The first (and hopefully last) time I left a job on bad terms was due to backstabbers. They were choosing targets and I guess it was my turn. It didn't matter that previously, we'd all gotten along fine. We even hung out together outside of work a couple of times. When they turned on me I'd been working with them for over a year. They would use any excuse to tell on me, I'm also sure they gossiped about me, and just generally made my last few months miserable. The final straw came when it was announced that one of the backstabbers would be promoted to manager once our current one left at the end of month. I knew it would only be a matter of time until I was fired for some trumped-up charge after the backstabber took over so I left. I put in my two weeks and to get even, ended up stealing almost $500 worth of goods right under their snotty little noses. I have never done that at any other job before or since. I know it was wrong but I couldn't help laughing to myself about how blind they all were. Since that experience I've learned that it's a bad idea to befriend any coworker. I don't trust any of my fellow employees one bit and I certainly am not going to bother cozying up to any of them at work-related events or otherwise. I don't need that kind of headache anymore. My advice is never try to make friends at work because it will come back to bite you.

I told everyone!
by: Anonymous

Yeap, I told the backstabbers, because they now work with my bully boss, I told the bully's boss, she did not believe me, so I went to HR... but I told couple of the guys in the IT dept because the bully had one of the backstabbers checking my every move through her iPhone, she printed and heard my messages on my cell phone... finally I turned off my blue tooth... then she stopped and figured out a way to get into my work computer... still have not found a way to prove it... but guess what? IT took her computer yesterday. The bully accused me, yelled at me... etc, etc... made me use my log in to scan a document, put it on my desktop, change the name and then drop it in a different drive in the network. This way it showed that one of the backstabber's work was fine... then he made me erase it from my documents... please I want to hear your opinion.

Don't know who to trust
by: Anonymous

After starting my new job, something wasn't right. Work being taken away, no credibility, being marginalized, so forth and so on... I always had this distinctive feeling like I was being talked about behind my back and to my boss, everyone was siloed. The one 'princess' was always at the center of it and could do no wrong. It finally came to a head when I was writing a small enhancement off of this woman's program and I discovered a defect in the code. I sent her the find with the fix. She got totally irritated and threw the entire program to me and said, 'you fix it then'. I started to do the work on her program with the additions and within a week, all of a sudden, she emails, myself, our boss, and a co-worker that she did all the enhancements and was sending it to QA. At this point, I responded to all asking how work was being assigned (as this was the 5th out of 7 projects that were assigned to me and then she would just start doing them or they would be taken away by my boss, obviously, after she asked him to give them back to her). She immediately responded and said, 'oh so sorry... you can have it back.' like it was an oversight. I said, 'no, you've done the work and I've assigned it back to you' My boss then responded with a nasty email accusing me of refusing work. I met with my boss and he continued to accuse me of refusing work he had taken away and telling me this 'princess' had said I was incompetent. I even had a paper trail and he called me 'bizarre' because he couldn't understand why I was keeping a paper trail. He had warned me when I started that she was like this, but when the behavior started happening, he backed her and told me I was imagining things but kept marginalizing my role as PM to the point where I wasn't allowed to ask her status or meet with the stake holders. I told him I was going over his head (as I thought I was going to be fired at that point). His boss did nothing. I tried looking outside the dept for another role but all managers said that as much as they wanted to hire me, my boss would not let me go. I did get assigned to another project and was free, until a question came up that I realized that there was another defect in one of her programs. I didn't know who to tell, and finally decided to email a friend co-worker in another dept that the defect affected (BTW, this co-worker had been the only one to confide and confirm what this woman was doing behind my back ~ who I was told not to speak with anymore when management found out). Unfortunately, the email I sent to her outlining the defect was a bit snarky as it outlined my treatment from the previous year and I didn't want to cause trouble and she could just test it and that way it comes from her dept. This email got back to my boss. Needless to say......I can't sleep at night now. I am looking for another job but not sure if I'll make it that long... ugh.

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