This Time I Give First Name

by Lizzy
(NJ)

It's been 4 years unemployment. The last position was THE WORST in terms of having to endure a bully co-worker, with an office and title (but I did not report directly to her) I know this as fact; because I was given the responsibility of setting up the organization charts for my department (HR) and other departments. I didn't report to this person. MUTUALLY COLLABORATIVE? It should have been. Did this administrator get her instruction from OUR boss? More than likely. She did not act 'on her own' -- but she was speaking of ways that differed greatly from THE BOSS... or gave instruction 'as she walked PAST my desk' (perhaps to give other management the idea I was to be 'feared' / She began her job 5 weeks after me (we were both new together -- yet; OUR BOSS left us alone and went on a two week vacation. OH OH... that IS POOR MANAGEMENT. (Trouble trouble trouble) I needed the experience; I could not just leave. I vowed to 'stick it out' and for first year I was 'sharper than the last two incidents.' I think I was frustrating her to no end. Eventually HER BOSS (our boss but she would openly come in, in a.m., and shout HOW IS MY BOSS today?) * so much for showing 'we are team.' (psychological game playing but I'm not sure of what type of psychology)

We were CO WORKERS in a three-some department. Problem: I worker (me) and two with title "administraTOR."

1. TIP 1 - NEVER work in a department of '3' -- It is always a truth that management or administraTION sticks together. (they used to do it with grace and support to worker but when management has little to manage work wise; management gets bored and begins to type their own letters, file, take things from file, and do their own photocopyng. (HINT: THIS IS A SIGN your worker position IS NOT NEEDED)

A place with much work to do; will have 'at least' two workers to ever two administrators of a department. If there's 2 with title and you are given the worker role... there is 'no real work for you.' Unless you are specifically working for 'a boss' and that is made clear... don't be the low person on totem pole these days. (or if you are, make sure it is a temp assignment to do and leave in a designated time; this will prevent one administrator 'attacking' to get you to quit. They can't get you out; you are a contract employee. (know the game rules that management knows)

2. TIP 2 - in dealing with such environment. DO SHOW ...YOU KNOW. Don't ever go to THE BOSS to complain (your tormentor wants that so much) Instead; every instance of difficulty between you and another 'worker with title' ... speak to her directly and nicely. If she screams or rants in face. BREATHE a deep breath; but not 'too loud' she hears... in other words; DON'T say anything to the rant; but STEP BACK... yourself (not literally just step back) SEE 'this person' as POOR AND UNEDUCATED in manners and etiquette. SEE this person as troubled. We are good and if we saw a wounded animal we would do what? SHOW IT COMPASSION. (we would not snap at it or hurt it) Our co workers today are SO WOUNDED BY LIFE ... unable to handle their life... they TRY TO CONTROL OTHERS (control starts with SELF of course; i.e.: SELF CONTROL, but they don't know this) SO... it is now ON US to 'teach them' how to be 'by example' and SWALLOW our pride... / after the rant; PATRONIZE them to the nth degree. OH MY GOD… I am so SORRY... you poor thing; of course of course you are so right (this is what OUR boss did to this one) The boss doesn't patronize anyone except those she thinks little of. To those she respects as knowing; she states need, explains the need fully, steps back in trust of this worker she hired and the work gets done. When someone RANTS to give 'orders' ... realize who has the problem... treat them AS A WOUNDED ANIMAL... (be part of 'the game' of manipulative in THE GOOD WAY... for sake of company) Company will find no fault in you, and bully will not have any grounds to speak TO anyone of you. (it's hard... but must be these days) The word for this way is coming.

3. The above does not mean we are doormats. It looks that way, but in essence we are standing up for OUR GOOD WAY... they never learned. A true doormat lets the other kick us and wipe feet on us; and we do NOTHING. WIMP. Real strength of character is to GIVE IT BACK TO THEM... GIVE compassion, empathy, attention, praise, ask them questions they have to answer (don't make questions too hard) build them up... (and remember THE bosses that count see it all) Biblical... do what is good and they will have no complaint against you. When this bully tries to complain; she will be seen as WRONG. (and she will back down) TURN THE TABLES ON THE BULLY ... don't feed into the BULLY by fighting her or him on their terms... 'WE THE GOOD' will lose EVERY TIME. (THIS is to HUMBLE ourselves and as is written THE HUMBLE GET EXALTED... the EXALTED get HUMBLED. (PRACTICAL application is written above)

4. Now of course, we are human and there is only so much patronizing we can do. If our jobs are made difficult to the point our reputation or work performance is not to the quality our employer deserves because of the co worker's sabotage. DO NOT point at her or him EVEN THEN... GET OUT. If our goals are not being satisfied, if we are not in alignment with company goals... It is a BAD situation and the only way to get out of it is to be of such confidence in ourselves (and the one who is for us always) and give notice (customary 2 weeks notice) never wince, no tears, no complaints about anyone, no pointing. The company already knows the real problem... but they can't do anything about it. (third party edicts to them tell them NO; you can't fire anyone. Yes, I heard this from one who goes to HR seminars run by state) They can't fire anyone.

SO... we 'the good' have to know the game rules going in. BE 'THE BEST' ... top notch in EVERY ASPECT of CHARACTER. (it can even be a fun game to us; as we now are not oblivious and do the opposite of what the bully wants us to do.)

DON'T FIGHT THEM by playing 'their game' / we are DIFFERENT. We answer to a higher 'boss'... whose benefits to us someday are OUT OF THIS WORLD--AND FOREVER. (Keep the perspective in right place)

At home; LAUGH about them... to those who do know and love you.