What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Bully Central

by HiddenBarrier
(Chicago, IL, USA)

How on earth does a naturally pretty and smart female diffuse female envy, mostly over appearance, toward her? I am "her" and I work with about 20 women, about 15 of which I really truly believe wish I would get hit by a truck and die. They mercilessly slander me via gossip behind my back and perversely enjoy and incite other new coworkers, successfully, to do the same. I needn't say or do anything. It's phenomenal. They fuel their own hatred toward me.

Going to work is like going into the Twilight Zone where there is an obsession with me. Like a secret war that hasn't been officially declared due to its petty nature, but nevertheless continues. I mean these people are cookoo and because so many of them are nutso simultaneously, they encourage each other on and have completely gone into irrational mode because there's not a decent one among them to keep them in check reality-wise.

I swear it is like stepping back in time to 1938 and watching the masses of German citizens happily unleash a mad man. And the director of my department is the queen bee of envy who adores a misogynist male coworker of mine who doesn't do her a darn bit of justice as her subordinate and meanwhile he despises me and uses the jealous nature of the female to incite my female coworkers further against me.

I work at Jealousy/Vanity/Bully Central. For those jealous women who want to debate that what I'm experiencing may be the cause of a personality flaw on my part - go someplace and sell denial. For those who are familiar with what I've described here and have found a successful method to diffuse female envy and become a human being in the workplace (versus an OBJECT of envy), please offer what you have to say here. It would be much appreciated. Thank you!


Being Bullied at Work? What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know

Comments for Bully Central

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Bully Central Nightmare
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to tell you "Welcome to the Real World". Groups of bullying people are some of the most vile in the world. From my experience there is no way to change them. There are basically two choices: develop an armor around yourself so you don't see, hear or feel what they do to you as you continue your job. The other is to quit. Years ago when I was in a similar situation, I decided to become entrepreneurial so I no longer had to deal daily with envy, jealousy, attacks. Now it just happens at a high level like the "leaders" of the community, etc. At this time in our society, I see little hope for bullying to end until the younger generations that are being taught in school not to bully finally grow up and become our leaders.

Dear Bully Central, I so know how you feel!
by: Anonymous

Reading your post almost caused me to weep with joy because that happened to me at my last job and I'm still not sure how to deal with it. People, or as I now call them, "sheeple" have really enlightened me as to how, on the most part, untrustworthy and easily influenced they are. Your analogy to the Nazi's was something I had also thought about because if it can happen on a small scale, it can happen on a grand scale as well.
My being female, it deeply bothers me that so many women would rather be unprofessional, cruel idiots instead of working together, learning from each other toward the goal of improving their work productivity.
Documentation is a good idea in these situations. I know its "one more thing to do" but a written record of all accounts of unprofessional conduct is important because "if it isn't documented, it didn't happen". Just writing things out and knowing you have a record of the abuse you have to endure will help you feel better and give a sense of doing something about it. Whether you show the reports to upper management is up to you but you many want to consider telling your coworkers that any questionably disrespectful behavior will be documented. I wish I'd done that at my last job. This manager I had who looked like big bird dressed like Barney in her big fat purple suits decided to turn the staff against me behind my back and I just continued to focus on my work thinking I was just being paranoid. Well it escalated to the point where I could have sued them but decided that it wouldn't look good on my resume. So I quit and let me tell you, I cried alot and I'm still trying to come to terms with the pain and unprofessional sheeple behavior these idots are capable of. I wish a truck would hit them too. I'm still trying to recover from the vicious backstabbing. It really killed me.
Because I've vowed never to let something like that happen again and because I am a born and bred "Bully Magnet", I researched ideas on protecting myself and I've found that most institutions have some form of written conduct code. If you Google, "unprofessional behavior incident report", there are sources to get ideas from and if there is no conduct policy where you work, maybe you can start one, or at least document each and every incident of backstabbing and bullying you have to witness.
Look how much bullying detracts from work productivity! I'm like a week behind because I'm writing standards of professional conduct protocols for the unprofessional chicken turd idiots I'm stuck working with while I could have been doing my actual work! You know what, I'll see if I can post here some kind of conduct code incident reporting document as a reference and lets start writing these a-holes up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nicey people Unite and take a stand against the meanies!!! Vive La Revolution!

Awesome Idea
by: Initial Poster

I also thought about approaching HR with a suggestion for an anti-bullying behavior policy. Still may do that. Haven't had the energy leftover to tackle it yet though. And I too document pretty much everything now and yes its hurting my performance at work. Have you used the tools at www.healthyworkplacebill.org to contact your state's legislatures about a healthy workplace. If not, please check it out and spread the word. By the way, that is amazing that you chose the word "sheeple" because that is exactly how I envision my coworkers. Scared little sheep who submit to the lead of bullies. If it were not for the collective fear of the few more ethical and morale sheep, I think I would have about 5 folks at work vouching for the bullying. But they won't. The keep their heads down and just try to fly under the radar while I take the heat alone. Being a target in a pro-bully work environment has shown me very clearly how afraid most people are to oppose a bully and how bloodthirsty with hatred bullies are. I was glad when Lady GaGa came out saying that bullying is hate crime. What a clear headed thinker she is to have realized that. And at a such a young age.

reply
by: Anonymous

I also deal with this at work daily. Its terrible to try and rise above it. I work as a nurse manager in a nursing home. The scheduler who is also a nurse aide has a little posse behind her, consisting of my direct staff on my unit. My primary nurse and aide constantly challenge me whenever I give them directives for care or unit operations. I also have begun believing it might just be paranoia on my part. But I really don't think so. She has reduced me to tears in front of my staff, telling me and my aides at one point that if they don't like something I have delegated, they don't have to do it.. The staff believes she has more power than I because of the fact that she's been behaving in this manner for so long, and nothing has ever happened to her. I have thought about reporting but as mentioned by previous posts, its so petty and I really have no proof as she is using her minions to do her dirty work and make me miserable. I truly feel your pain.

I know what you mean
by: Anonymous

hey there...I know what you're going thru...women by nature are bitches, envious and dont know how to treat others with respect..they bitch, bully and ridicule often at your expense and I went thru this for 3 and a half years with a teacher who was a closet lesbian and had major issues..she would indirectly bully me most of the time because I was the convenient "object of her affections" and she couldnt have me..there are about 257 stories I could recount as to incidents this woman put me thru.But I'll tell you one, I was driving out of my college of an evening and asked if she wanted me to close the gate, she responded by saying she'd do it and while she is an opportunist shed like to take the opportunity to tell me I'm a very pretty girl. .I didnt know what to say really, just thanks, and drove off..It was all too weird. After that I was the object of bitching to my peers, harassment, emotional manipulation, gossip, slander...What this woman taught me was that when you have something people want, envy festers in them and they begin to single you out become the victim of their abuse. I was hurt by the rumors and when I finally confronted this woman she denied everything putting every situation back on me making me seem crazy until I finally I must have struck a nerve which made her even more defensive..she proceeded to spread more false rumors about me and has now flung herself into the arms of a sexually perverted man...which Im sure will suit her just fine. Its just best to treat them with kindness I guess...I know its hard but try or just ignore them

Women at work
by: Am

First of all I feel sorry for everything what happened to you. The same things happened to me at work many times. I was put down, silenced, overly criticised, received unwanted attention, stink eyes,unsolicited comments about my looks (accussed of having "dirty look"), subject to accusations about my private life. Also some female managers played significant roles in these - both denying what as happening ("I haven't heard or seen anything") or encouraging. One even pointed me during an unsolicited one - to one emergency meeting that this is all about me, because "you look so pretty". I have witnessed public criticism towards me and female manager having a laugh whide in the office. One of my female managers even asked red on face if I am here to take her job, another time yelled into my face that I am very rude. Another one reported to manger that I am attracting so much attention that they cannot focus on their job. Seriously.
Gossips about me - I will not mention here, but it was incredible. Finally in one workplace, they tried to remove me from a job trying to trap me into disciplinary procedure. One day, while going to work, I ended up taken to hospital with serious heart arrythmia caused by prolonged stress, what shortly relapsed into depression. My employer got so scared about what happened that tried to arrange settlement out of court.
You would question how adult, decent people with degrees in an international high standard company would behave like this...I thought about it many times.
How did I cope with that? As a normal and healthy individual you won't be able to understand or stop it and sooner or later you will have to move from this job.Unfortunately. I did it 3 times in my life and after I got so sick I ended up setting my own business.
How to deal with that if you are still there?
- first of all you have to accept that what is happening to you it is not normal and goes beyond natural and normal human behaviour;
- if they gossip and just love it - still stay distant and cool, but "in secret" you can give one of them some information about you which is completly untrue. Once they will spread this in the office, you will confront openly showing the "facts". It may be some small thing like a brand of your car etc. They will be confronted and labelled as untrusted individuals talking bullshit. Be very carefull what you want to say and how to play that.
- be sure you always do everything correctly, if they still "find faults" make sure they describe you properly what you fault is ;-)
- do not react to yelling in front of you and in front of others, never respond with the same *(this is what exactly bully wants you to do and later to turn it against you);
- you may receive very little understanding or very little help if any at all from other people;
- of course document everything, if you are alone, then think about buying some little camera with microphone and learn how to use it. Whiles this is in most countries illegal, this may be beneficial in case of investigation shown even to your solicitor to validate your claims;
- if you suspect your manager or coworker speards rumours and this target your future job prospects, use one of companies dealing with bad references (they are existing) and ask them to do reference checks for you. Shall these go bad, check your employer''s references policy (in most cases managers or coworkers are not allowed to give references or opinions about other coworkers), ask solicitor to write a letter to a boss 2 level upon your boss and back up the grievance with the policy and procedures. This may be costly, but imagine the reaction of a woman who gave you bad reference or bad opinion about you, having disciplinary hearing from the CEO of you company, knowing that you will sue them for her behaviour. Ask them propose a solution to that situation. It has originated because employer failed to deal with behaviour of an employee. Never propose your solution. This is sth what I practiced when things went so badly, that I got sick. Women confronted with the fact they may face personal lawsuit against them, turned up against each other, giving themselves living hell, accusing each other about what happened to me. None of them was fired, but company solicitor approached me with resolution in an arbitrage matter. Company ended up paying for constructive dismissal;
- make sure you are always up to date with your job search, make it confidential, make sure you are up to date with industry news. After a few years you may be ready to run your own business;
- make sure you are always respectful towards other people, say hello to everyone, do some small talk about neutral things, do not reveal personal matters. Remember they are your collegues from work not your freinds;
- make sure your life centre is outside of work, that you eat and sleep properly, do health check regulary, tell your doctor what you are going through;
- do not be ashamed to see psychologist - being bullied may cause severe depression, which may take your life and ruin the life of your relatives and friends. Many beautiful women suffer from PTSD and have developed social phobia after bullying;
- remember all crisis will eventually pass;
- make sure you are telling them you have happy and nice guy around you (even if this is not true);
- make sure your social media profile is private, if possible, restrict your postings and photos only to people who you 100% trust. If possible, make sure you block envious and unknown people from stalking. Once upon the time I had anonymous stalker checking my profile every month checking where I work now, it turned up I was right who was checking me. I reported this porfile to social media company and described the problem on one of the forums, openly available to all public. I have mentioned who may it be (whilst not giving their name) and what she is doing. I have also acknowledged that this was reported to social media company and the police, who is investigating the matter and shall this not stop immediately, court order will be sought. And my problems ended immediately;

How did my situation finish - I have my dream job now in my own enterprise, it was not easy at the beginning, I had to give up a lot, but I will never regreat.

I always think that the God is the best judge and sooner or later all bad karma turns to preparators. And here we go - despite they were not fired, they were written off in the company and observed by the board of directors, they started up fight against each other, my boss was moved to another position in the company and has now very little regard. One of women had serious difficulties with her household, faces epensive trial filed by her neightbour, her marriage is gone, she is left with enourmous debt. Others had to leave the office as well, because "it was so terrible there".


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