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Healing Rhythms

Coworker Bully Backed by Coworkers

by Charlie
(SW VA Hell)

I was hired over a 1 yr ago into a small office; upon my hire all my fellow employees each in their own way warned me about a fellow employee who was a bully. It was considered a right of passage to go through being the object of her disdain, as she did it to all the new female hires. I was warned to "do the hard thing and put up with it", "ride it out", etc.

The other two women in the office see themselves as peacemakers, where really one of them just doesn't like the boat rocked. They don't want to hear the bully fuss, so I am told. If I file, do mail or anything the bully normally does not to tell her, because of the stink she raises. I am not included in any office talks, and I am not talking gossip sessions, I mean things work related. To include me, means she won't participate and she complains and fusses. So, I am excluded and often they have set me up because of this.

A recent retirement party that was supposed to be semi formal was changed by the ladies at the last minute, who forgot to tell me they were wearing dress slacks and sweaters. I wore a below the knee velvet dress and stood out like a sore thumb.

I have had it, I have been to management who just want us to get along, which means I have to take it and not say anything, not fight, not do anything. It is so bad if I have a fax forwarded attention my name she has a fit, running to management that i am not following procedure. Then they question me as to what came in w/my name... Help I want to quit...

Comments for Coworker Bully Backed by Coworkers

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Follow the Bully Leader
by: Anonymous

It has been a shock to me to learn that most people do not have the courage and the integrity, nor the desire, to stand up for what is right. I am learning that in most bullying situations, the masses will remain silent or will support the bully while the target gets pummeled. I think about this problem in our sad society a lot, but I don't have a clue what to do about it except to keep educating the public, and especially young people. I know a situation in our town where an employee revealed to the manager who was stealing inventory, and the employees got mad and ganged up on the honest employee for being a "squealer". He is about to lose his job.

And all because the employees have no integrity and the boss is a "people pleaser". I am helping this bullied employee by not patronizing the business any more and telling people WHY. It takes constant effort to stand up to the rampant bullying in our society and until "grassroots" people take a stand, it cannot be stopped. We must educate the masses, step-by-slow step.

I So Agree!!
by: Solange

I think education about bullying is the only way to stop it. Bullying happens because people are afraid... of something. Most often, I believe, what they are afraid of is something going back to their childhood that they have no conscious awareness of. That's why most bullying shows up in some sort of pattern. It comes from some development stage that was frozen in time by fear. The individual never got past that early fear, but learned to use their "child" behavior with amazing skill to get their way in the adult world. When I worked in a place where bullying was rewarded, I used to call it "getting your way through bad attitude." Well, I got out of there!!! But, watch what people who bully do. Chances are you have seen your child or grandchild do the same thing... the exact same thing. The good news for your child is that they outgrew it. Bullies just keep the behavior as a tool for getting their way. And like children, they don't have the self-awareness to understand the effects of their behavior on others. If they did, they could never do what they do.

Stand up and you stand ALONE!
by: No Name Girl

Stand up to bullying in the work place - and I promise you - you stand alone! It's the saddest thing I have ever experienced, and most certainly the toughest. After 13 years with the same company, 11 of which were like a honeymoon, with the last 2 feeling like a violent relationship - I am now unemployed and trying to put my life back together.

The road back to "health" has been very hard for me, but I'm a fighter and I believe in justice, fairness, integrity & honesty so I cannot just "heal and walk away". I know that others are being harassed now in my place, and I refuse to look the other way, as they did while it was happening to me.

I've consulted an attorney and it looks like this will go to court. But here's what is so very sad. One of my colleagues (who was a witness to much of what happened, and is now a target herself) called me recently in a desparate state - begging me not to mention her name, or to call her as a witness. WHY? How can she be at fault for just admitting to what she saw and heard? Yes WHY indeed! And, if that's not enough to surprise you, then how about the call the company made to my attorney asking him to instruct me to stop talking to their employees - my friends and colleagues who for the most part still call and or visit ME.

Still, the word is now out from management that I am not to be talked to, and the subliminal message there is that to support me is to step into my shoes and run the risk of becoming unemployed too. Oh yes - and just to "keep it fair" they have hired someone on a contract to investigate. Hmmm, what is the likelyhood that an outsider will have any clue about the sub culture? Companies have a probation period because a person can maintain a facade for only so long before it cracks. Chances are the bullies will put their best faces forward for the short time of the contract to convince the consultant that all is well and I am a wicked liar.

Also - who is paying who here? We all know, you get what you pay for so if you want a certain result, then buy it. Considering a recent environmental "achievement" the company bought and bragged about, this does not surprise me. So - it's off to court we may well go, where I hope the judge is impartial and does NOT buy into media hype & cutsey, folksey PR. The company had an excellent reputation that was real. No more - but the PR machine is still trading on it and while word is seeping into the market, it's still a dirty little secret that is not quite out in public -- YET.

The company is large, well known and has done many bad things to employees and customers alike, it cannot hide forever. Like the Titanic, they are sinking and instead of saving lives the captains of the ship are rearranging the deck chairs and beating the band for playing the wrong music, while others look the other way, avoiding any mention of the lack of life boats. Meanwhile - I have jumped overboard and am swimming, in frigid water, for my life ...

Coworker Bully Backed by Coworkers
by: Anonymous

I have great empathy for what you are going through... been there, done that, been there, done that. Just know that I am out here supporting you via ESP! If you wish, it is fine with me if Anton gives you my email address... sometimes "real contact" can help when we are in the "survival mode". I simply can't turn my back on someone sinking.

Coworker Bullies
by: Teresa

I've worked for a company for 21 years first half was great but one day a girl started and after that it was the worst years of my life. I feel after closing this past feb the hurt is so deep in. She had everyone turn on me. Now I started a new job and was warried of this lady. Yesterday I was her victim. She said she hold grudges bad I was loving my new job too this point. Very hard too look forward to the future in here. Once again what does a person do? Sad

Drama
by: Anonymous

I had a situation at a former job where a coworker bluntly called me a vulgar name out of the blue for no reason at all and he was the victim. I also worked with this girl who said another one of my coworkers cut up her jacket and the lady never did it. This same girl went around my department making me look bad along with two other coworkers. They made my last year at the place a living hell. I'm glad I finally decided to quit and leave these people who still act as if they are in high school.

My experience with bullying
by: Anonymous

Bullying is never a new experience for me. I have been through this for over 20 years of my employed life. I quit the first job then this. The only difference is, currently, they back-fight. They don't like me, my very presence means a stigma for them. I didn't do anything bad, just silent working. They talk too much, more often, against other people in our hospital ( i am a med transcriptionist). Majority of these bullies are ladies, i am the only male in the unit. However, I was assigned also in another unit, where the bullies are men. Bullying occurs everywhere, and unless, you can stand for your right alone, the bullying goes on...

Assistance with Bullying
by: Anonymous

The best way to help someone being bullied is to start by providing them the realization that they are strong for coming forward and asking for help. Meaning, that by asking how to change the reoccuring scenario is brave because she/ he doesn't want to be part of it and questions on how to make it different. Make things different: his/her responses, his/her environment. Tell her she needs to come up with statements of confrontation that are positive and true regarding the position she is being put in. By using the adjective "positive statements" you are encouraging the individual to acknowledge or recognize that positive statements can be when you simply refute someone for good reason. This good reason can also help her establish a voice.

Sadly, confrontation can become violent especially when there are peacemakers surrounding the bully. Peacemakers are formed by others that were bullied and tolerated it or those that sadly are entertained by the spectacles the bully creates.

For those suffering from a bully, be brave, assertive. Violence is cowardly. Assertiveness is strength. Being alone is silly, find someone to trust. Two people are a bigger defense and offense than just one person by themselves.

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